Urgent: Domestic Abuse

[mariposita]

Hi there,

I am in an abusive relationship and the violence escalated last night. I am in Newcastle upon Tyne. I am currently on benefits as I have chronic pain and fatigue. My rent is due tomorrow but I want to get out of here (have wanted to for a long time but has been nearly impossible with being ill and without support) and don't want to pay it. I want to get into a refuge or a safe space and need advice about my tenancy and how to keep my benefits without an address.

He knows I have been getting stronger and I think that's why it has escalated. He's not in the house right now but I'm not sure if he has a key. It's my tenancy - he doesn't live here.

I am scared to get in touch with these services as I was in hospital last year when I was suicidal and the psychiatric team sent me home with him in spite of knowing about they abuse - they said, "well it may not be perfect but at least you have someone who loves you." I thought maybe they were right.

Please help.

Ok. I'm not sure where you stand with that you'll be able get better advice from HAC

www.informationnow.org.uk/organisations/86/housing-advice-centre-newcastle-city-council

I think you should contact the police though totally understand that if they haven't been supportive in the past this might feel awful. On the other hand it provides a paper/computer trail of his abuse. I'm sure he terrified the living daylights out of you in many ways and he has a catalogue of interventive options available to prove his psycho-ness.

ME is utterly awful. A dear friend of mine has it - plus arthritis - and she is incapacitated for a lot of time, in pain and "got" so easily by any virus or bug flying around which adds to everything else being a battle.

I don't think you'll be finding much by way of sympathetic musing about helping the abuser in these parts. Instead you'll be swamped by support and active help purely for YOU, such as that from RestlessTraveller and others. So stay here and forget about tagging anyone or whatever - we don't do that either though there is a Private Message function should you need it.

I think the key here might be to construct a prioritised list of what's do-able in a day and to do it on your terms. I think changing locks is ok once you get a key for the shitty landlord too. Even if she decided to evict you for "giving her trouble" it's a process and will take a few weeks to accomplish. But others can advise on that better than I.

In the meantime, have some

A bit of an update:

He was arrested last night and unfortunately released with only a caution for possession of cannabis but without conditions to his release.

I have been assigned an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor) who is meeting me tomorrow to discuss my needs and we are going to talk about everything. She is going to arrange a meeting with a solicitor and come with me where we will apply for a non molestation order (as we couldn't get the protection order from the police).

At the moment there are no refuge places in Tyne and Wear so we are going to keep checking day by day. I am looking forward to meeting my IDVA tomorrow. I feel really supported there.

Thanks so much for all your support and advice. You've been amazing. I'm getting there.

It horrified me that there are no refuges in the whole of Tyne and Wear, meanwhile Wearside Women in Need is fighting to stay open. I'm so sorry there's nowhere for you to go but you've had some excellent advice here and good for you for being so determined. There's a women's group that meets in Newcastle if you need some friendly support. Pm me of you'd like the details x

I want to thank the women in this group who helped me escape my abusive partner in February this year.

I am struggling now in a refuge that doesn't have provisions for disabled women and wondering if anyone has any advice?

I have fibromyalgia and my partner was my carer. I also relied a lot upon the internet and ordering things online to manage due to mobility issues. I don't have wifi here and am not allowed to order things to be delivered here. I have explained these things to my key worker but she is young and very inexperienced and she doesn't seem to be taking me seriously, so I am feeling overwhelmed.

Hi,

I would contact your local authority and request an assessment under the Care Act. A social worker would complete an assessment and if you have eligible needs could look at getting you support or a PA. Whilst involved they could also support you with your housing situation.

Good luck

Didn't want to read and run.

this link from refuge and this link from Women's Aid may be helpful? Only skimmed as have a toddler with the cold today.

Is there a refuge manager you could talk to?