Please help me through right now

[anxietyrus]

My not so DP has co,e home.

He went out this morning and said he would be back between 10 and 11pm. I fell asleep close to 11 and woke up at 2 to him not being here. I rang and rang and eventually he answered. He's blind drunk in town, said he has been trying to get a cab for 2 hours. I asked him why he didn't let me know and he said 'I've had a good night please don't row with me. You're saying I'm a bad person and I'm not"

I didn't say he was bad but admittedly I was crying.

Now he isn't answering again.
Somebody please keep me sane. I'm hosting a party at home at lunch time so could do with not being a nervous wreck all night. I feel so sick and cannot stop crying.

He has not come home. I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense.

No wonder you are anxious my lovely. Does he have form for this?

You really need to try and rest. It doesn't sound like he will be much help with the hosting

Thank you so much for responding. He doesn't usually do this.

I feel so ill.

I hope he is back home soon.

I don't think you are likely to get any sense out of him tonight but at least the anxiety will subside when you know he is safe.

Could he have gone back to a mates?

He will be ok my love, you'll be surprised how drunk people can get and still be ok. My DH has done this before and eventually turned up at 6am. Annoying but all works ok out in the end. Try to sleep if you can

Z

Thank you everyone.

I guess I'm worried about his safety not who his with although I've purposely not put any thoughts into that.

I'm angry he hasn't let me know...is that justified?
I want him to just come home now so I can move on from feeling like this.

Did he come home yet? Can understand you being worried. How long have you been together?

No he isn't home.
We have been together 6 months. We have what I thought to be a really solid and stable relationship usually.

Blimey! He went out this morning and has been out until now?!

Yes it was all planned. He had a game, watched the rugby then was having a few drinks.

As each hours passing I feel even more sick. I don't know what to do and now his phone is off.

Please don't make yourself ill over this!! He's either lolling about in the back of a taxi, conked out on a mates sofa or staggering home. His battery could have run out or he's dropped his phone. Yeah, he may have turned it off in his drunken state if he thinks you're mad with him/having a go. Do you know any of his mates numbers?

I'd be and have been (with ex) mad about the same thing. Didn't stop him staying out til all hours though

I don't have any numbers unfortunately.
I'm trying so hard to stay relaxed. I have a tumour which is contributing to the most horrendous headache or I would still be asleep and oblivious.

I'm not sure how to handle this when he does return. Any ideas?

Jeez, he must realise this would make you feel like crap. I'm sorry :(

Like someone else has said, I wouldn't bother trying to get sense out of him when he does return. If I were in your position I'm not sure I'd want someone to make a habit this and make damn sure they knew about it!

When sober*

I don't think I will..I guess that's if he even comes back :(

I can't guarantee it o'course and he may stumble in at any moment but so, so, so many threads on here of the same situation all the time. They are usually asleep at a mates or their parents house!

He has got drunk with rugby lads won't be the first time xxx he means no offence

We have been together 6 months. We have what I thought to be a really solid and stable relationship usually

Take it from me, if he's like this after 6 months, you'll be back in the Relationships board in a year with worse things for us to support you with.

Please be realistic, he's a selfish manchild. Why do you have to be lying awake all night worried about his safety (he isn't a toddler, even if he acts like one), while he's out there bigging it up with his mates and telling you to stop making him feel bad.

You deserve much much better, get out while you still can, this isn't a good relationship 6 months in.

Disappointing how many women on here have such low expectations of men that they excuse feckless behaviour as meaning no harm, just one of the lads. This is a grown man ffs!

I have a tumour which is contributing to the most horrendous headache or I would still be asleep and oblivious

Oh my dear, please don't less that arsehole give you more stress. Please look after Number 1 from this moment one. He doesn't care about you honestly.

Everything daisychain said.

You say he doesn't 'usually' do this, but has he ever done anything similar, in the short time you've been together? Because I can tell you now, men who do this sort of thing rarely ever manage to stop.

This sort of shit will go on for years and years every time he goes out. And you will be told time and time again that you worry about nothing, he's a big boy who can look after himself, why do you care if he lets his hair down occasionally when he works so hard? Why are you so controlling and want to stop him from having any fun?

But occasionally of course, there will be a problem, and there will be 'that' phone call. He's in A&E. He's lost his wallet and can't get home. He's fallen over and cut his head. He got the wrong train and is fifty miles away, it's snowing and he's got no coat. He's been arrested. Been beaten up. Accidentally fell into someone else's vagina. Thrown up in the back of a cab.

Do you need that sort of stress and shit in your life? Because this is what you will get.

Well he is here. And yes someone has hit him.
He's been crying and is in pain. I cleaned him up and he is passed out now.

I really don't know what to do about it. Reading your replies has put a lot of doubts in my mind.

He said he didn't want to come home because he was bleeding and I shouldn't have to deal with it. The bigger problem to me is that he just didn't let me know he was staying out.