Struggling - sex life after baby

[PipplingsLoveCheebies]

NC as DH knows my username - 6+ years member.

We have a ds who is 7m. I am breastfeeding and on the pill, we are awaiting all clear from vascectomy carried out last month. We have had sex 4 times since ds was born. DH wants more, alot more. I'm not bothered. He feels that I don't find him attractive, or don't enjoy sex. That's not the case, it just doesn't enter my mind. I don't notice when it's been a while but he does. He could practically tell you how many days/weeks it has been.

It's all come to a head today because I fell asleep last night when putting ds to bed.

He basically spent an hour ranting at me and I have no solutions. He thinks there is something wrong, possibly psychologically with me and wants me to go to the drs. I otoh think what we're going through/how I feel is on the normal side - maybe not normal to all but it's not completely unheard of iykwim? We went through this with another child too but he seems to have forgotten this! It did eventually get better once I stopped bf but dc was older than ds is now and I don't feel ready to stop.

I'm going to go to drs anyway so that he sees I am trying but I can't just flick a switch and want to have sex all the time, it's going to take time again to work up to a better frequency.

Has anyone else gone through this or similar and come out the other side? I love him so much but I can see that it is becoming a serious issue for him. It's easy to say oh just have sex more but it's not that simple for me.

[AliceInHinterland]

Ummm you don't need sex to stay alive so even if you had zero sex drive there wouldn't be anything 'wrong' with you. If you felt that you wanted the pleasure of sex, you could of course seek help. With a 7m old and breastfeeding it's likely to come far down your list, way below, for example, the biological necessity of sleep.
This is not the time of your lives for him to push the issue. Your need for his practical and emotional support is far more real.

[SpaceDuck]

I would see how you feel after coming off the pill for a couple of weeks then. It is listed as one of the side effects of the pill so good chance that it is that. If there's no change then I would put it down to breastfeeding. Still might be worth a trip to the GP.

Shame on him for having a go about it though!!! What a big bag of arse. It's hard enough with the sleepless nights, sore nipples, bleeding for weeks and weeks, post pregnancy body hang ups and any other post pregnancy issues (stitches, c section etc) without your DH pestering you to have sex with him all the time!

[expatinscotland]

'Still might be worth a trip to the GP. '

There's nothing wrong with her, she said the pill is only temporary. Her problem is one the doctor cannot solve: her h is a nob.

[PipplingsLoveCheebies]

Thanks everyone

[Chathamhouserules]

No, I think losing your libido while breastfeeding is very normal (although may not happen to all). It was all very dry down there I found. Like your body's way of saying 'no more babies at the moment.'
You could tell him that you're much more likely to be in the mood if he did all the night wakings for a few days because you're exhausted. And like pp said there's nothing sexier than a dh that cooks/cleans imo. But even then he might have to wait till your hormone levels change again. And if he doesn't understand then why you are not up for it then he is an arse.
I had to reassure my dh that I still found him attractive and that I was confident I'd get my libido back. And I have, at least a bit anyway! He was disappointed when I kept saying no, but never got grumpy about it.

[AliceInHinterland]

I wonder if a GP could help with his only occasional desire to cook dinner? There is obviously something wrong with him as my husband wants to cook at least every other night! May be his hormones or something?

[PipplingsLoveCheebies]

Maybe alice! He was cooking/cleaning more for a bit last month as thought maybe I'd be more inclined to dtd but when it became apparent that it wasn't working he stopped again.

I'm bloody knackered and have a sore head an afternoon of crying does that to you so going to head to bed and cuddle into my snotty baby. At least he loves me just the way I am.