Confined in friend, they have now made a nasty comment

[pinkwattle17]

So I've had a male gay friend for the last 14 years...met at work, kept in contact after I left...see each other every month or so, talk on phone often.

As relevant background, in all that time, he's had 2 relationships, both lasting less than 6 months. I've been in a relationship (LDR for 8) for the last 9 years. We were talking about sex recently, he was saying he's not had any for 18 months. I admitted that I haven't for the last 5 months...I'm bipolar, been on new medication that lowered my sex drive. My fiance has been very supportive.

Last weekend my fiance was visiting, we had sex...I was happy that that side of life is getting back to normal. Fiance went home on Monday with the beginning of a cold...which I also had by Tuesday. So I haven't talked to my friend all week. Sent him a message today, asking how he was...he replied saying 'he was **ed'...to which I replied 'like I was this weekend, lol'

I then got this reply...

' I feel sorry for you. Must be crap when your fiance doesn't wanna touch you for such long periods of time and it becomes an occasion when he does'

I'm absolutely horrifed...what on earth should I say/do now?

Depends on how much more crap there is other than that one off-key text. Overall, do you want him as a friend? Do you like him?

I think therein lies your answer and the course of direction you need to follow

How do you want to respond? Do you want to continue the friendship? If you do, do you think ignoring it would be better or not? I think only you can answer that.

Perhaps however the fact that everyone else is dropping him like a hot potato should be taken as a red flag. Don't stay friends with someone out of pity. You'll end up hating them and things will get worse than this. Sadly I'm the bitter voice of experience on that one.

He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant user. You're only useful to him when supporting him. He's not really interested in you or your problems. Cut him off. Urgh.

He sounds horrible. Get rid.

Text is just nasty.

God he's horrible. I take back what I said upthread.

Epic drip feed though!

That was a rather toxic comment, he's probably wallowing is self pity about his lack of sex life and thought he'd share some of the misery with you.

Not a friendly thing to do, you don't need friends doing that to you. Time to break off contact IMO.

A good friend would reply, "Yay! High five!!!". However, it sounds as if the world revolves around him/he's not a good friend. I'd be inclined to cut him loose. Life is hard enough without cutting remarks from 'friends'.

Glad to hear things are getting back on track for you BTW. [flowers}

And his 'fucked' reply was to do with a work problem that he created, got caught (fraud - he told them his mother had died to get 2 months off work. He got caught out when his sister answered his phone one day and told HR their mum was alive) and barely kept his job over

That to me is far more relevant as back story than anything about his love life. That information was presumably intended to make us think that he was jealous. The reality would seem to be that he is at best very mixed up. From the original post I would just say he seems a bit snippy and that in 14 years of friendship that happens. From what you've said since, I'd cool the friendship. I can't really cope with liars.

I apologise for the drip feed of information, but I was posting last night from my tablet and it was an easier way to do it, than in one long post. I should add that there is a 10 year age gap between us, I'm 45 and he's 35.

Ellisandra : He went to his doctor, lied to her as well and she signed him off first for a month, and then he got two 2 week extensions. But he didn't contact his work for over a month...the HR department ended up ringing his next of kin - his sister - and got through to her, of course. When they offered her condolences on the loss, all hell broke loose. He very narrowly (thanks to his Union Rep) avoided being sacked for gross misconduct. Of course, he's blaming it all on everyone else but himself...

boredwithabrokenfinger : Thank you! He knows I've been worried sick about the whole sex business, especially as I'm in a LDR with my fiance. I know I shouldn't be shocked that he's been so goddamn nasty and thrown it back in my face, but I am...

Being bipolar has meant that I have a hard time keeping friends. I had a lot of instability in my early life, lots of moving around the world and lots of stress...I'm currently receiving C-PTSD therapy from both a psychiatrist and psychologist. I had a bad bipolar 'break' a couple of years ago and since then have become pretty antisocial...not because I don't like people, but I suffer from pretty bad panic attacks in public. Sadly I've lost some friends during that time, mainly because I'm neither in a financial or mental position to be going out that often.

HashiAsLarry : You are right, I think I've only stayed friends with him because I feel sorry for him. His father was (not anymore) homophobic and threw him out of home when he was just 18. I suppose I felt some sympathy because my own childhood was extremely stressful. But I do know that the things he's being doing over the last couple of years are inexcusable, and I'm wrong for letting him think they aren't by remaining friends with him.

He honestly doesn't see that he's done anything wrong.

block and ignore.. he's hard work...