Hello, I'm a very long-time lurker but this is my first post. I've been debating for a while about posting for advice, but it's really come to a point now where I'm running out of ideas of what to do.
I'll try not to drip feed, so this might be a long one! Sorry.
My parents are both retired. DF took early retirement, but DM took voluntary redundancy around the same time. She didn't want to leave, but they were making big changes to her role which would have meant taking on twice the work load but in less hours, plus additional travel. I completely support her decision.
Unfortunately, the way things are now, it is particularly difficult for women in their forties and fifties to find employment. I've seen this with other family members and also with a couple of women I have worked with. It's a struggle - you become dependent on savings and your partner (if you have one) until you can claim your pension (which may be meagre if you took a career break to bring up a family). I really feel that something should be done to stop companies discriminating against employing women at this stage in their lives.
DM loved working and misses it a lot. DF always said when he took early retirement that he would do a few bits of private consultancy here and there. Despite being called up frequently, he never does any of it. He needs a rest apparently...even a few years on 
DF has become unbelievably lazy. He does NOTHING. Sits on the computer or iPhone all day doing F all. He probably wouldn't even eat or go out if DM wasn't there.
Their relationship seems basically non-existent now (a number of reasons over a number of years). They spend the day in the same house but different rooms. I think a big thing is that DF just doesn't do anything for DM, and despite MANY conversations with him, he doesn't change.
DM has a couple of friends, but doesn't have any hobbies. This time of year seems to get her down anyway because of the weather. Over the past year I've been watching her sink into depression and she won't do anything about it. She refuses to seek professional help ("I don't want pills and telling someone how shit my life is won't help"), she won't even try any activities that I suggest to get her out of the house or occupied. She is isolating herself more and more.
I try to point out the good things, but she always finds a way to turn it around or say it's not enough. I know that it's illness speaking. I just don't feel equipped to deal with it.
Unfortunately I live in Europe now with soon to be DH (who is very supportive in all this), so can't even pop in as much as I'd like. We're here short-term for stbDH's job, but will be moving back next year or so to our house (still not near to DM though). I fly back at least one weekend per month. They have never come to visit me. I'm lucky that I am self-employed, so when I'm not with clients I do got back to the UK for a week or so and work from there to keep her company. Siblings live in the UK but the other side of the country. They visit when they can and call DM often. I do feel I'm taking on more of the burden than they are, but I think it's a personality thing and they're in different high-pressure careers that have little to no flexibility.
I don't know what to do. I know I'll be told it's not my responsibility. But it makes me so sad and I feel completely helpless. I also feel guilty for being happy about the good things going on in my life (buying a house, getting married, career is going REALLY well).
Has anyone been through the same? Any suggestions? Even a hand hold.
Please be kind. Thank you.
(P.S. Wasn't sure where to put this - is Relationships the right place?! 
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