Hello All
I've not posted here before, but have read a lot of threads and love the honest advice, so, here I am!
I have been with my OH for 3years, 8 months. We met online, and lived 150miles apart. As a result of this I moved in with him after 6 weeks. I know this was too fast, but at the time it felt right.
NB; he owns his own house outright
It was all Ok for the first year, we spoke about the future, he was doing his house up and working (self-employed), I got a new job up here, things looked good! His family were (are!) lovely, and wonderfully accepting. Of course, things have changed. His family are still lovely, he is still doing the house up - nothing has really changed, other than the installation of a wood burner and removal of the old bathroom, the rest of the house and garden is a building site. The changes are, to me at least, huge;
He no longer really works (last year his annual income was a few £ over my monthly income), this doesn't seem to bother him, and what money he does earn he spends on stuff that's not important - I pay ALL of the bills/food/fuel/insurances etc. He is cross - at life seemingly. He doesn't want to get married (it's too much of a risk - despite me having an agreement written up to protect his home), he doesn't want to have children, at least not in the near future (he has a 13 YO dog, that's responsibility enough for him, he wants a good few years to himself with no responsibility), though I don't think he ever see's himself as being a dad. And I completely respect that, but I always thought I'd be a mum, and still want to be. I'm 32, he's 41, so my time is short (being realistic). I also do everything in the house, I cook and clean (I like doing this!), but when I come home from work and there is a bowl of washing up to do and mess everywhere and the bed isn't made, it really gets to me. I feel sad a lot of the time.
I have awful credit, so didn't expect to be able to rent around here. I've been looking for somewhere for around 8 weeks - we had a big row and I knew it was done (he questioned where all my money went - BTW - MY wages is OURS apparently). I found a little house, and out of interest 'wasted' agent fees on referencing. Turns out it wasn't a waste - I passed! And I can move in on 13th March.
My dilemma is this; I love him. I feel responsible for him. He suffers with health anxiety (made worse by my Crohn's disease which I don't talk about incase it sets him off), and I don't know how he would cope emotionally and financially if I left. I know he's not my responsibility, but I feel responsible for him.
My mum is behind me 100% whatever decision I make, I am just so scared. I will miss the cuddles, the affection, but is that enough to stick around? I know I couldn't sacrifice having (or at least trying) for children.
I am really stuck (and scared). I know in my heart of hearts that the relationship has just become habit, that we just live together, that I fully support the household on my income (it's not great - I'm only a PA), we don't go on holiday (we've never been on holiday together), we don't go out (he hates leaving the dog), hell I don't even get to watch TV in the evening, it's all YouTube videos or music that he likes. I really don't think he knows what he's doing - I think he just see's it as it's his house, it's what he likes, so what the hell!
Should I just sign the tenancy agreement and move out? If so, when do I tell him? Shall I start bringing it up now? If he knows I'm off, he can ask me to leave now, I don't have anywhere to go (a 150 mile commute from my mums' wouldn't work!), or shall I speak with him first (this weekend)? Ask him if we can have a family? If - when - he says no, is that my time to say I want one, and that it's a deal breaker?
Sorry to ramble and thank you for all and any advice!