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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me with this decision

16 replies

sconebonjovi · 06/02/2017 17:32

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL about this. Have just found out that I'm pregnant, 4 weeks. DH and I had an accident, and I took the morning after pill.
We have a 3yo DC. My pregnancy and birth last time were were truly terrible, I was bed bound and very scared for most of it, and it very nearly didn't have a happy ending for me and DC. Also had mental health problems during pregnancy, I basically completely fell apart.
We're a low income family, the plan was for me to find a job next year when DC goes to school, and we have no family or real support near by. We hadn't ruled out ever having another child, but now doesn't feel like the right time, and I'm nowhere near as fit and healthy as I'd like to be (very overweight). I'm very concerned about what would happen with my physical and mental health if I continued this pregnancy.
Is it really awful that we're considering terminating? It feels a bit like, as a mother, it's extra taboo. I need reassurance, or something, I guess. My head is a bit of a mess.

OP posts:

Cakingbad · 06/02/2017 17:35

There is no shame in choosing a termination if that is best for you and your family.

BlueFolly · 06/02/2017 17:38

Of course it's not awful.

RoseOfSharyn · 06/02/2017 17:58

Absolutely not awful. You need to do what's best for your family and yourself at this time.
I had a termination a few years ago. I do not regret it at all. It wasn't right for me at the time and I have since gone on to have other children in a happier and healthier environment.

Your GP may be able to refer you for some counselling to help you deal with whatever choice you and your husband make.
Be kind to yourself.

SparklingRaspberry · 06/02/2017 18:12

If you feel that's the right decision for you then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You have to do what's best for yourself.

thewideeyedpea · 06/02/2017 18:17

Absolutely agree with the other posters, not awful and you must do what is best for you and your family. Good luck

Jamhandprints · 06/02/2017 18:26

So hard, I agree. Why don't you talk to a midwife/ consultant about your health worries and traumatic experiences first, if that's your reason. They might be able to reassure you or they might say "no, you can't continue" which might make your decision easier. Better to have all the facts and not base the decision on fear of what may happen. But I totally understand how you feel and you will make the right decision for you . X x

Trills · 06/02/2017 18:32

You didn't want to be pregnant two weeks ago, you don't want to be pregnant now, there are ways to safely stop being pregnant.

That's all that matters.

MNHQ

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 06/02/2017 18:35

Hi there
What a difficult predicament OP - we do have a section for AN choices - let us know if you'd like us to move this.

Kindest kindest to you and yours

Gallavich · 06/02/2017 18:36

Sounds like you would be making a very sensible decision.

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 18:36

I think you should do what is best for your family at this moment in time

Nobody can tell you what to do, but if I was in your position I would terminate quickly while it can still be done non surgically which for me would be much easier

Are you and your partner in agreement ? That is the main thing, I think after what you decide what to do with your own body

All the best

Original poster

sconebonjovi · 06/02/2017 19:20

Thank you all so much for being so kind and reassuring, I really needed it . Anyfucker After properly talking things through, DH is in agreement and fully supportive. I think if it were a case of his body his choice, he might want to go through with it, but with his sensible hat on he realises that it's not the most practical thing to do. And yes, I want to get moving quickly, would really rather not have a surgical termination. I'm scared that I'll have regrets about what could have been further down the line, but I guess, even if I do it doesn't necessarily make terminating the wrong decision does it?

OP posts:

Original poster

sconebonjovi · 06/02/2017 19:20

Thanks Olivia, am happy for you to move it if it's more appropriate :)

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 19:21

No, it doesn't.

Trills · 06/02/2017 19:33

Your DH sounds very sensible.

I hope you can get this sorted with minimum fuss and that you feel OK afterwards.

Chinnygirl · 06/02/2017 19:38

If you want a termination then have one. It's not terrible that you want one. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything. It's just a really big decision. I think loads of people have them but don't talk about it. In the Netherlands it's one in 15 women have had one.

And if you choose to keep it for whatever reason, then that's fine too.

Original poster

sconebonjovi · 09/02/2017 16:04

Thanks again for all of your kindness. I'm still in turmoil, have got my first hospital appointment next Friday. Had a private scan today and am 6 + 3 which means I'll likely be 8 weeks + before anything actually happens. I feel completely broken, and don't know how I'm going to deal with being pregnant for 2 more weeks. I feel like I'm depriving my DC of having a sibling, my husband of having another child. I know a foetus doesn't trump my future happiness, and I still think that terminating is the right choice, but man, I feel so guilty. I'm struggling to get through each day, I just want to stay in bed and cry.

OP posts:

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