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Relationships

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Original poster

Found Dating Apps

71 replies

GreenGrapesRedWine · 06/02/2017 12:51

I'm shaking typing this, been with my boyfriend for seven months and he's the most affectionate, loving and perfect guy i've been with, he's so supportive and I really think i've found a keeper with him.

However, I recently added him to my family sharing so he can use my apple music. I didn't realise you can see each others purchased/downloaded apps. I've clicked into mine, it now gives me the option to look at his. I knew he was on dating sites before we got together, he was open and honest about it when we went on our first date but told me he'd deleted them. He's very open with his phone, leaves it around me, tells me I can go through it (I wouldn't) and shows me any messages he gets from his ex girlfriend regarding their DD.

I've found quite a few, some seem quite high up the list (if i'm right, apple goes newest to oldest in this list)

I don't want to fly off the handle and message him now, I can't tell if he'd be lying as we're both at work. I'm not sure how to bring it up, what to do, how to approach it. If it is dating apps that have been downloaded recently, he will be gone immediately.

OP posts:

OnionKnight · 06/02/2017 14:27

Wouldn't it be easier to talk to him?

WannaBe · 06/02/2017 14:36

Right, so rather than talking to him you are instead going to go snooping to see if you can catch him out. .

OP this relationship is already over. But not because of what he has done, but because there is no trust.

And what happens if you don't find anything? And what happens when, like you, he decides to have a look at what apps you have and sees all these dating apps at the top of the list and, like you, jumps to the conclusion that you're obviously back on the lookout for more men?

Just communicate with each other rather than playing all these stupid games. If he's wanting to be back on the dating scene then of course it's over. But you already don't trust him, so there is no basis for a relationship here, you can't come back from that.

Trills · 06/02/2017 14:38

he always told me he was only ever on POF & Tindr

That part actually sounds totally normal to me.

I would say I am ON Bumble and OKCupid but I have created an account on Tinder and on Happn and had accounts created for me on SpeedDater and Original Dating (because I went to their events) and I have browsed Plenty of Fish. It's possible that I have had a free account on Match, I don't actually remember. But I would only describe myself as being ON two dating sites/apps.

WannaBe · 06/02/2017 14:40

I've had emails from some dating site that claimed it had matches for me. I think it might even have been spam from E-Harmony. And yet I have never been on a dating site in my life.

WannaBe · 06/02/2017 14:42

And I agree with Trills, it's possible and likely that he may have signed up to numerous sites but only actually seriously looked at one or two.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 06/02/2017 15:22

Ok your relationship is dead in the water now.

sammidanis · 06/02/2017 16:35

OP there was recently a similar question on here regarding a woman who saw a dating app in her oh download history on his phone or whatever. A poster who was an expert in IT kindly commented about how apple is not as simple as it seems and there could be another reason why they're on there. Personally I think someone who is as open as he is about his phone and his privacy is trustworthy. If I were you I'd look at his actions as a whole and recognise there's a good chance these were on there before you met & he's probably just updated his software...

OnionKnight · 06/02/2017 16:52

ecognise there's a good chance these were on there before you met & he's probably just updated his software.

Sorry but I'm a geek and that doesn't make sense.

The apps were installed at some point and the more recently they were, the higher they'd be on the list of 'purchased apps'.

WannaBe · 06/02/2017 17:08

I've just been into my own apps to see what I've installed etc, and there is actually no rhyme or reason to it. I know the first two or three at the top of the list are apps I've downloaded recently, but the rest certainly don't appear in order and the fourth one is one I downloaded nearly two years ago whereas number 10 is one I downloaded about eight months ago.

Also, they still appear on my list even though not all of them are on my phone any more. I can select to view the apps not on my phone, but couldn't do that with DP's apps - it would show them all. So it's possible he may even have deleted the apps but because they've been downloaded on his account they will now appear on your family sharing so you can download them if you wish.

Emboo19 · 06/02/2017 17:11

Just looked at mine Op, I phone 6. And definitely not in order of when I downloaded them! I put a count down till Christmas in November and that's futher down the list than whatsapp, which I've had ages.
Also two app's on the list that I've never even heard of and definitely not downloaded.

sammidanis · 06/02/2017 19:56

Onion knight...whenever you change anything on apple, deleted things have a tendency to reappear. And they're not logged chronologically on your downloads as the last 2 posters have backed up. Being 'a geek' doesn't make you right.

OnionKnight · 06/02/2017 20:10

Well I've had every iPad and iPhone, I've never had a deleted app reappear.

Emboo19 · 06/02/2017 20:13

Do you mean on your phone or in your App Store Onion, every app I've ever downloaded and then deleted is still in my App Store.

OnionKnight · 06/02/2017 20:25

On the device, I know that every app anybody installs is under purchases in the app store.

WannaBe · 06/02/2017 20:41

But the OP doesn't know whether the apps are on his device or not. She just knows that they're under his app purchases. And even if they've been deleted from his device they're still in app purchases for him if she's on family sharing.

Although I have apps on my phone which I've purely forgotten to delete on the basis they're tucked away in a folder somewhere.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 07/02/2017 09:51

I think the whole app thing is a bit of a red herring really. It could be something or nothing but the fact is that you are worried about your relationship and you don't feel able to talk honestly to your boyfriend about it.
So, you don't really trust him and there's no communication. A healthy relationship needs trust, honesty and communication. Please try and actually talk to him about this rather than snooping more. It'll throw up more questions than answers and you'll end up feeling worse.

Mils45 · 07/02/2017 10:00

Gosh there's some dramatic people on here, your relationship is dead in the water, right.

If you genuinely found them innocently then just explain it to him if you don't think you can forget about it.

If he's got hundreds of apps he probably has forgotten they are even on his phone. Guys are very different to us and don't over think like we do

If he had something to hide he wouldn't have connected to sharing. Simple. You are worrying over nothing. It's normal early on though I think :) x

Original poster

GreenGrapesRedWine · 07/02/2017 10:13

mils45 I'm so glad you wrote that, I stopped replying to this thread after the your relationship is dead in the water comment. I didn't know if I was being sensitive, I know my relationship isn't dead and I don't need to justify that it isn't to people. I didn't end up downloading the apps to snoop, I had a word with myself and thought I'll just ask him when I get home. I couldn't just leave it but wouldn't purposely go on a witch hunt for him either.

I do trust him, but equally I've been cheated on/had the wool pulled over my eyes before and that will NEVER happen again. Pregnant or not, even if it seems small if something makes my mind tick I'll say it. My priorities are all ok.

I asked him when he got home, he looked very confused and offered to show me his phone (I declined and said that I don't feel he has anything to hide) and he said later that night, I've just downloaded X dating app and you need a Facebook account which he doesn't have anymore (he deleted this before I knew him!).

I'm confident he has nothing to hide and it must be old apps reappearing.

Thanks for all the helpful, non judgmental responses ❤

OP posts:

pudding21 · 07/02/2017 10:21

There was another thread on here recently with a similar story, i will see if I can find it.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 07/02/2017 10:22

So glad you were able to talk to him about it Green I've been cheated on too and it's absolutely horrible and it does affect how you approach later relationships so I totally agree with you that if there's something bothering you, you need to SAY it and deal with it rather than let it become a festering mess!
All the best with your pregnancy!

pudding21 · 07/02/2017 10:23

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2834440-Need-to-end-relationship-tonight-Online-dating-app-found?pg=5

An IT guy posted on here and explained about apps and installing.

If I were you I would just ask him, see what his response is.

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