a man who prefers needy women

[grittypetal]

what would you think of a man who prefers a needy woman to a more indepentent one? what does it say about the man? he is nice and gentle himself, is he just more comfortable knowing he is safer with someone who clings on to him?

Needy men or people in general make my toes curl and put me in flight mode.

Major red flag and not even on a conscious level for me. There can be people who "need" each other and and lift each other up but when one is needy the other has the upper hand then it's not good.

ok, so that with him rather liking "needy", clingy and not overly confident women is just my impression. he described himself however once as needy. can it be - thta two "needyish" people are actually a perfect match?

He sounds worse and worse the more you post, I am afraid.

If you've got two people who need each other in complimentary ways then I think it can work, but what will happen if one of them grows and changes to be less needy?

I do know a couple who are still together after 20 years of being needy in different ways. She is insecure about her appearance, and validates her worth as a person through comments about her looks. He is a loving, generous soul but a complete shambles in terms of practical day to day life, cannot cope with dealing with anything "official", just the idea of calling the landlord to say there was a problem with the flat would send him into a cold sweat.

It's not been plain sailing, because she's become stronger and more self-confident through a lot of hard work and therapy. And as a result, she is less needy and has less patience with his woeful lack of adulting. They have chosen to work on things together and he has improved, but it's been an uphill battle.

Pocketsaviour - Someone who can't cope with practical day to day life is a dependent. That isn't a good trade for the woman who is insecure about her looks.

I would certainly think that someone who is like that might consider someone similar to be a better match for them, less of a risk, less intimidating, it's not necessarily a bad thing to go for partners like that and it's not something he has said, just something you have assumed, there's nothing at all to suggest that he would go for them when they're needy and plan to control them.

If you're both needy, then you might need each other!
Independent with needy, not so much...

My current partner has been with a 'needy' woman - a SAHM but not in the good sense (I am very much for SAHMing and would do so myself until my children reached school age). She had made herself totally dependent on him to the point he felt guilty leaving and stayed for 10 years for the sake of the children. Maybe it isn't that they prefer a 'needy' woman, but they feel trapped and aren't strong enough to leave.

Either this way, or as a way of controlling it isn't a good trait.

I am quite a strong person (I struggle with expressing neediness, even when it is needed) and our relationship balances perfectly. Theirs was an explosive relationship, ours is really calm and I cannot believe that the man she talks about is the man I live with. I think different personalities can mix together for the worse in some cases - it doesn't make that person bad, just incompatible.

I'd say it depends on the level of neediness.

It would be unfair to say that only perfect people should be in relationships, most people do have some issues. So if one is insecure oneself and prefers a partner who is not intimidatingly strong and independent, that's okay and not necessarily a red flag.

Though I am always more in favour of not putting all your eggs in one basket.
If he has a desire to feel needed, it would be more sensible to involve himself in volunteer work or something of the sort.
If he can't be alone, he should find more friends.

All human beings are dependent to some degree, but sole dependance on one single person for all of your emotional needs is risky and often leads to problems.

I have a female acquaintance (friend would be too strong a word) who was a dominatrix at one time. She always goes goes for needy men, ideally men who prefer to be submissive in all areas of life I understand that its a lifestyle rather than a bedroom thing for her.

Her life lurches from shit-storm to catastrophe to intense happiness in cycles.

It's not a great way to live and she eventually tires of the guys she is with when they either cease to be interesting or can't get their shit together.