Putting your husband before your kids

[floatingawayfinally]

Me and H are in the process of separating. One of his accusations of why he thinks our relationship hasn't worked out I s that I put the kids before him. This baffles me. Isn't that what a parent should do? Our kids are quite young, under 5 so still very needy. Just wondering whether anyone else has come across a man child like this who sees his own children as competitors? I have come across some people who think that should be your order of priority if you want a successful long term marriage but I just can't imagine that this is a normal way to think.

There's nothing wrong with putting your kids first, so many parents don't. That's not to say you should totally neglect your partner but I suspect you didn't! At the end of the day he can say what he wants, you know the truth. Best of luck x

Thanks for all the responses. They are all very accurate descriptions of the situations. Mummyoflittledragon those have both been my fears. I have hidden their passports and birth certificates at my dps to prevent any risk of abduction. My worry is he won't be bothered to see them either though he has said he will pay maintenance and see them every weekend we will see. He has this fantasy that he will find someone else who will be that 1950s wife and take care of our little boys. He makes veiled threats if I get remarried he will challenge me for custody. Anyway he has been a real head fuck as at times he can be very loving, generous, thoughtful and in general he is gentle. However there is this core entitled, selfish attitude that he is more important than all of us and I better accept it.

I would not be making any informal arrangements with him; access to his children should be laid out in a formal agreement.

His threats re remarriage is really a empty one but designed to still keep you on a tight leash which he is holding onto the end of. He is still trying to hold onto some power and control over you.

Putting kids first is fine if you remember that you are also part of a relationship. Making no effort just because you have kids is a no from me. What I mean by that is losing interest in going out as a couple or date nights just because of the kids. Stopping making an effort with appearance and slobbibg around in PJ's all night every night. Letting yourself go. It is possible to do both.

Hi Floating you had better come join us at www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2803565-Support-thread-for-those-of-us-having-to-co-parent-with-a-narc-or-very-difficult-exh-thread-4
Sounds like you need it. There are loads of us and all in the same boat ⛵️

Hi Red

I have been lurking on that thread probably will need it. Thanks for all the advice. I feel much better about my decision.