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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He hit me but can't remember.

51 replies

tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:13

Ridiculous situation, also well over a year ago now but could do with another opinion!

It was the middle of the night, DS woke for a feed (bf) so i sat up to feed him. Doing this disturbed DH and he 'huffed and puffed' and rolled over. I said something like, 'Oh stop huffing, you know what im doing'. he said 'shut up', so i said, 'you shut up'. then he rolled towards me and punched me in the leg. Then rolled back and went back asleep. I cried a bit and then put DS back asleep and could barely speak to DH the next day. When he asked what was up, I explained what had happened in the night and he looked like he genuinely coudnt remember nor believe what had happened. he apologised profusely. I forgave him and nothing like this (ie physical) has happened since.

what would you think of this?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 05/02/2017 15:14

Why do you think it's still preying on your mind?

Teepish · 05/02/2017 15:15

It depends on his behaviour towards you since? Is he a supportive, kind partner etc?

Ecclesiastes · 05/02/2017 15:16

Seriously? He's a violent, lying, gaslighting bastard. What else is there to think?

TheRippedOutPage · 05/02/2017 15:16

He remembers doing it but feels bad so wants to make out that it was accidental or done semi consciously.

Sleep deprivation obviously got the better of him.

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:18

I still think of it because there are some other issues in our relationship atm that have been ongoing since DS was born.

OP posts:
Cakingbad · 05/02/2017 15:19

Agree with Ecclesiasties.

Teepish · 05/02/2017 15:19

Feeding your ds shouldn't really annoy your H.

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:19

I think about it still because of how upset i was that he'd hit me whilst i was holding and feeding our baby son.

OP posts:
Ecclesiastes · 05/02/2017 15:21

What kind of issues, OP?

Issues that concern him being a nasty selfish bastard, by any chance?

RJnomore1 · 05/02/2017 15:23

Did you post about this st the time?

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:24

I cant remember RJ, quite possibly, if it was before the whole hacking thing then i'd never find it again as i de-regged and re-regged with a different email.

OP posts:
LeopardPrintSocks1 · 05/02/2017 15:27

I think he remembers doing it.

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:31

This is my fear. We have hardly (if ever) spoken about it since and I can't imagine a scenario where we could talk about it without him being annoyed that I was bringing it up.

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 05/02/2017 15:33

Just to ask - are you sure he was awake? I accidentally hit DH in the face last night, in my sleep. I woke up as I did so and apologised.... This morning he doesn't remember me hitting him or apologising.

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 05/02/2017 15:33

If he really doesnt remember he shouldnt be defensive of you bringing it up. he should be shocked and apologetic.

Ecclesiastes · 05/02/2017 15:36

Of course he was awake. He huffed and puffed and told you to shut up.

Nasty.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/02/2017 15:36

If dp punched me in his sleep he wouldn't be angry with me for bringing it up.

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:38

He was most certainly awake for the fact that he was reacting to the disturbance and having a conversation with me. Perhaps still 'half asleep' or sleepwalking in a way but he's never done that before or since.

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 05/02/2017 15:45

Of course he was awake. He huffed and puffed and told you to shut up

I can have an entire conversation with DH while asleep - possibly not in true sleep but I can wake up mid conversation with no idea what's been said so far. I find it entirely believable that this could happen and he could truly have no memory of it - but both DH and I feel truly dreadful about the few times we've kicked or elbowed each other hard enough to hurt overnight and continue to do so.

Goingtobeawesome · 05/02/2017 15:48

He knows he did it, he doesn't want aggro about it. Wants you to put up and shut up.

You don't have too.

KickAssAngel · 05/02/2017 15:51

I've been known to thrash out if disturbed as I'm horribly grumpy when being woken up. I don't always remember doing it, either. BUT I'm never awake enough to actually speak, and when told about it I feel really bad and apologise as I never want to actually hurt anyone.

By contrast your DH:

  1. Was awake enough to speak.
  2. Deliberately moved to hit you (while still avoiding his son, just about).
  3. Lied about doing it.
  4. Won't allow you to talk about it.

None of those things are OK.

alitee36 · 05/02/2017 15:54

If he did it 'in his sleep' then why would he be annoyed about you mentioning it? Surely he'd be immensely apologetic. My bet is he knows he did it and feels guilty hence the annoyance. It's unacceptable behaviour. It's domestic abuse. Why should you feel unable to mention it to him when it upsets you so much? You say nothing physical has happened since - have other things that are non-physical happened?

GinIsIn · 05/02/2017 15:55

I just ask because my DH is a mega-heavy sleeper and can hold entire conversations (and once went out and walked the dog!!) without waking up, and he never remembers. But then again he has done it more than once - it's a fairly regular thing.

Original poster
tellytowel · 05/02/2017 15:59

He walked the dog? Your DH sounds like an unusually heavy sleeper fenella! In contrast a few nights ago me and DH were asleep on a couch each, I was sat up holding poorly DS and DH was with us in case we needed him (so he is helpful and supportive in that way), and I threw the light plastic case of my phone onto the thick cover that was over him, in order to wake him for something, and that light tap was enough to wake him up.

Other things have happened e.g. He's called me all sorts of horrible names in front of DS

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 05/02/2017 15:59

fuzzywuzzy
If dp punched me in his sleep he wouldn't be angry with me for bringing it up.

Surely that would depend on how may times it was brought up.