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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he manipulating me?

66 replies

elpaso · 04/02/2017 14:56

This is a bit hard to describe, so please bear with me!

Been with my partner for three years, and whereas our relationship is mostly good, we've had a few problems and whenever I've attempted to discuss any of it with him, he MASSIVELY overreacts.

For example, he put a couple of photos up of me on the dreaded Facebook (nothing dodgy, just awful photos of me looking extremely tired and unwell when I had the flu), and then changed the settings so that I couldn't see them, but others could. I found out via a mutual friend, and asked him to delete them. He went ballistic, deleted every single photo of me off his profile, and asked me to delete every photo of mine that he has every taken off me.

Another example, I found out a couple of years ago that he'd been sexting another woman. When I asked him it, he got very angry, said there was nothing to discuss, and threatened to leave me as (in his words) I obviously didn't trust him.

There was an inccident when he kept going on and on us doing something in bed that I really didn't want to do. He eventually wore me down, we did it and halfway through I begged him to stop. He didn't. I was extremely upset the next day, he again became very angry, accused me of sulking, said that had simply got "carried away"and that maybe he should just not touch me at all, if I was going to react in such a way.

He's manipulating me isn't he? I feel like I can't broach any subject with him, because he just gets over the top angry, and twists it all around so I have end up feeling guilty. I feel like at times like this he enjoys playing mind games with me.

He is very loving, attentive and good company most of the time, which is why it makes it all the more confusing! Does he over react because he KNOWS he is the wrong?

Does anyone else have experience of this?

OP posts:
Adora10 · 21/02/2017 16:56

I feel like at times like this he enjoys playing mind games with me.

He does and it's because he's a nasty little bastard, you can spend the next 30 years trying to work out his fucked up head works, then again, you could spend the next 30 years surrounded by people that don't abuse you.

Peanutbutterrules · 21/02/2017 17:01

Run away. Fast and forever.

Peanutbutterrules · 21/02/2017 17:06

Just seen your updates. Glad you have a plan to get away. I suspect that some abusers like doing this to strong women - it's more fun that way.

elpaso · 21/02/2017 17:25

I think you may be on to something there Peanut. When we first started dating he always used to tell me that he admired how strong willed and independent I am (well, was...)

OP posts:
elpaso · 23/02/2017 16:54

Quick update - I left him last night after something very minor happened, but it seemed to trigger something inside me, and I got my stuff together and left. Thankyou all for your advice and support.

OP posts:
Greaterexpectations · 23/02/2017 18:02

Well done OP. Now just keep going and don't look back Flowers

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2017 18:08

Well done OP!

Naicehamshop · 23/02/2017 18:34

Well done - stay strong. Flowers

glassspider · 23/02/2017 18:50

Well done OP! Go, and don't look back!;Flowers

sireal · 23/02/2017 20:07

brilliant!

applefalls · 23/02/2017 21:00

Good. You are brave and strong.

You will be ok. You have done the right thing and thank goodness you saw how dangerous and disrespectful his actions have been.

You have started to make your life and weave your own story and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. The

ChuckSnowballs · 23/02/2017 21:04

Well done. [Flowers]

Polichinelle · 23/02/2017 21:31

Well done. Don't let him convince you to go back. He'll probably try

Chloe84 · 23/02/2017 21:48

Well done, OP. Really happy for you. You 100% made the right decision.

pudding21 · 23/02/2017 21:50

elpaso: well done. Its the first step. Be prepred to wobble and feel guilty when you do escape. He sounds horribly abusive. Keep posting. Do you have friends in RL that can help you?

Stay strong and keep safe. Are you still living in the house?

pudding21 · 23/02/2017 21:52

Apologies: I missed a few posts. Stay gone, don't go back.

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