blows nose and brushes self down
I've found Tinder an awful place to be.
A few nice experiences - I've been quite naughty and hooked men on me and then used them as friends and they haven't got anything like they were expecting out of me :)
My mistake here was allowing him to meet me in a private place = it was really really stupid. I know that. I don't really need to be told again, but can understand if anyone is thinking "duh. what did you expect to happen?"
When life is such a struggle I can ocassionally have suicide as a go-to option. The feelings passes - I'm sure there are others like me. It's just a feeling and expression of utter hopelessness and not being able to see a way out. And the mention of kids, well, who would look after them when I'm gone? This is all theory. I'm not any danger at all to my lovely happy children.
I feel a bit fresher now.
I feel I can breathe again after scrapping Tinder of my phone. Joining it is symptomatic of my struggles.
I'm happy to take full responsibility for myself yesyerday. At midnight, he called a Uber taxi via phone. That goodnight kiss - that I was not wanting, but happy to provide was where the mistake was. I had had one glass of wine that evening so may have been a bit dreamy and nonchalant about it.
"oh the taxi wil be here too soon. five minutes more... ill call it in a minute"
Me: no just call it now...
etc etc... it just deteriorated from there. he pulled me on to him and I was thinking in my head "shit. ugh. didnt want this. wtf".
Kept making noises about a taxi.... then it was all too late.
there's nothing to report apart from the fact he was too persuasive in a nice friendly way. if it was a more blunt approach I would hav been more wary.
I told a friend but not much time to speak.
she said dont put yourself in that position.
if i dont return to this thread: THANK YOU!!!!!!