How to tell my bf I can't handle how he eats?

[newstartamiready]

He is lovely and I love him but I can't stand how he eats! He is a noisy eater and I have to tell him as it something I just can't handle! But I don't want to be rude or mean or upset his feelings

Just a different view point to think about, annoyance at a person you are close to when eating can be part of a condition called Misophonia

DD can't eat with the rest of the family it makes her too distressed, the problem is hers not ours

It may be that your other half is a noisy eater in which case having a non confrontational chat, but it could be you who is the problem?

Argh, misophonia. My pet peeve! My DH isnt too bad but his daughter, my DSD resembles a cat eating fish. She shoves her whole hand in her gob to lick it clean. WTF? No manners, so I;ve introduced her to cutlery and CLOSING HER MOUTH. Did it kindly with a reward chart but still several reminders a meal needed. DS was starting to copy her, so trying to nip it in the bud.
I dont want to give her a complex and DH often defends her, so I avoid breakfast, lunch and tolerate dinner. Any snack/crisp, I'm gone. I put on the fan or tumble dryer (whether it needs it or not) and eat quickly, so I can go. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Holidays in our caravan cause me huge anxiety as I cant get away. Its not her fault she's not been taught manners but fuck it doesnt half give me the RAAAAAGE!
Also, I dumped a bloke for having fuckin disgusting table manners. Granted, he had a slight overbite, but I didnt need to see or hear that. Huge turn off.

Had this trouble when first in a relationship. You need to have a word with him, make it clear that you don't want to offend it's just something that bothers you.

I was always brought up thinking 'would I do this in a restaurant?'

I brought the subject up with my husband and now I just have a code phrase to let him know he's a bit loud. The phrase is 'chew like you have a secret' I got it from the film She's the Man. Works every time now 😊

Urgh! Brother in law does this. Chomps away with mouth open like a goldfish then smacks his lips together. Being present while he's eating soup traumatises me for days afterwards.

My XH was a noisy eater. The absolute worst time was when he'd chew gum in the car and I couldn't get away.

I have no advice I'm afraid apart from to say I will never continue a relationship again with such a noisy eater. I've had a few dates with some men who didn't tick that box so I never saw them again...

In Frozen Kristoff expresses surprise that Anna is going to marry the prince after knowing him for one day. He asks if she's had a meal with him yet and says 'what if you don't like the way he eats?'. Excellent relationship and dating advice right there.

Unless he eats with his mouth open I can't see how he can change the way he eats?

As another poster has said, look up misophonia. It's a condition that means certain noises give you a violent/rage/angry feeling. It is a condition that is getting more research and becoming well known.

Misophonia literally means hatred of sound. To a sufferer noises like eating, gum chewing and whistling are absolute torture to hear. I have it, and I wish I could ignore the the sounds, but I get such a visceral reaction and I can't always control it. It's the fight or flight response.

There is help available for this, it doesn't always work however it's worth a try.

I use ear plugs a lot. And I have my earphones on a lot.

I wish I could switch it off, but it doesn't work like that.

Anyway, research it and see what you think.

No it's called people who forget they have the jaw structure we have for a reason. To eat with mouths closed.
These noisy eaters should be the ones to make changes.
When it's mentioned once they noisy eaters should give a shit and adjust their eating and drinking habits. They could change their ways if they wanted to. But they don't.
I have zero tolerance. It's not just the noise, it's the fact as well that you can see the food in the persons mouth. Often these slack jawed noisy eaters are unable to keep the food in their mouths.

i cannot be in the same room as a noisy eater. I would stab them with a fork.

Thank you all for the replies some are so funny especially " shut the fuck up because I will end you"

So I have had a chat with him I said it as nicely as possible and even explained I know my reactions are extreme to this but it kills me having to listen to anyone eating like that not just him.

We had a laugh about it and he said from now on I should "just give him the look" he said he wasn't aware of it and he's not offended that I have mentioned it as he wouldn't want to be out in public or in others company eating like that!

Yay I managed to say what I wanted to say without being a total bitch and I got a good response!

I also hate noisy eaters, it really grates on me. With my husband it's how he eats nuts, he kind of holds them in his fist and then tilts his head back and drops them into his mouth, if absolutely drives me up the wall. I find myself sitting fuming, and giving him horrible looks, sometimes I sit there thinking, just don't look. Multiple times I've shouted "just fucking eat them normally". But nothing changes it,

Yay!

Bluntness that's exactly how I think about these kind of things!

I once fell in love with a complete stranger. He was sitting in front of me on the bus- eating a packet of crisps in complete silence

I thought about this thread last night when DP was overly enjoying a scone.

I just peered at him over my glasses and he started to laugh.

No words needed

Thing is though, if someone eats a packet of crisps in silence, chances are they'll be shit in bed.

It's a fine line between manners and repression.

I wonder how you'd react if he turned round and said something similar to you, e.g. please stop playing with your hair like that, it really annoys me?

Being sensitive to the sound of eating has been in the news today, apparently it means our frontal lobe isn't functioning as it should, maybe show him the article as its scientifically proven.

www.itv.com/news/2017-02-03/scientists-discover-why-noisy-eating-can-make-people-angry/

My husband sometimes moans at me about the way I eat. No one else has really had a problem. I think it's him . He is always on at the kids to the point that no one can enjoy their meal. He looks at you while you're eating which I hate. I just tell him to concentrate on his own dinner or that one of us can leave the room. So my pointh, is it really that bad? I have only had a problem with people's eating on a handful of occasions. I'm far too busy eating my own food to worry about anyone else. I think there is an argument for people being hypersensitive and I see it as lot on here

Hearing certain sounds produces a visceral reaction and the flight or fight response. It can be that bad. The amount of scars I have from self harming because of this condition is horrible.

If someone has misophonia they can't help these feelings, there is something wrong with their brain.

So my pointh, is it really that bad?

Yes. Misophonia is that bad.
Imagine someone poking you in the head with a pencil for an hour and you not being able to stop them. Imagine the anger, frustration, etc that you'd feel. Then boil that feeling down to an instant 'Snap'

There is a feeling that comes over you that you either end what is making the noise or you leave. Its an instant boil over of rage and that rage ends up directed at whatever is making the noise... And I do mean whatever is making the noise.

Neighbours dog?
You'd happily stompo its head in.
The person you love eating?
You'd happily ram that sandwhich down their bastard throats
A baby crying?
Absolutely rage inducing and I fear many poor kids have been hurt simply because their carer had a form of misophonia.

Is it really that bad?
Yes. Yes it is.

I suffer terribly with misophonia - it genuinely makes me tearful, panicky and full of rage. It sounds bonkers to people who don't have it but it's 100% a real thing.

My DH sounds like a horse with a sugar cube when he eats and some days I can handle it better than others. A few days ago he was slurping on a cup of tea and I had to leave the room.

I can appreciate and sympathise but it is also hard living with someone who finds everyday noises like that difficult, too. I don't think the onus should fall on the other person all the time to accommodate it, really, as OP implies. The tone of the thread is that she is completely justified in throwing the book at him over it. My DH goes nuts if I eat crisps. They're crisps, you can't eat them without making a noise. I do get cross with him if he suggests I crunch them up to make it quieter because he doesn't like it.