Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

The Daily Telegraph dating website and men who select 'assertiveness' as a turn off?

48 replies

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 12:49

To be fair the option to select 'assertiveness' as a turn off is there for women as well but having had a quick peep it seems not many women registered on the website choose it whereas a lot of the men do.

Can someone tell me what this means apart from the obvious? Does it just mean they are looking for someone sexually submissive and passive or does it mean that in general terms they find confident self-assured assertive women unattractive? Because if that's the case I could be single for a very long time.

Here's the link so you can see for yourself:

dating.telegraph.co.uk/s/find/search.php

OP posts:

Thanks

Share

Report

uglyflowers · 29/01/2017 13:20

It's the Torygraph - those men aren't going to want a strong woman. Get thee to the Guardian dating site.

Thanks

StiginaGrump · 29/01/2017 13:23

It was a category thoughtfully added on by the female programmer to help others avoid twats.

Thanks

betrayedandwobbly · 29/01/2017 13:23

It means that when you look at their profile, you can see that they don't like it and rule them out quickly.

It's useful.

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 13:27

Think you might be right there Ugly.

The reason I ask is there is a guy on there who I like the look of but unfortunately he's selected assertiveness as one of his turn-offs so I don't think I'll bother registering.

OP posts:

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 13:33

I can rule them out quickly but it never occurred to me until now just how many men find assertive women unattractive and I am quite shocked.

Shame because the guy I'd got my eye on is hot!

OP posts:

Thanks

ImperialBlether · 29/01/2017 13:34

I suppose it depends how they interpret assertiveness. We all know people who are really stroppy - someone might think that's what's meant there. It's a stupid tick box really as it can so easily be misunderstood.

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 13:38

That's what I was thinking Imperial, I thought guys like us to tell them what they want so I'm confused.

Oh well, I don't do passive so they can all fuck off!

OP posts:

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 13:39

*thought guys liked us to tell them what we want

OP posts:

Thanks

Trills · 29/01/2017 13:43

I thought guys like...

Different men like different things.

I agree with betrayed that it's a good way of filtering people out.

I don't really care if they genuinely dislike what I would call assertiveness, or if they have a different interpretation of what the word means - I am not interested in them.

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 13:52

I agree Trills, I'm not interested either. If they find assertive women
a turn- off it might mean that they are controlling or worse still a potential bully and I certainly don't want that. I want a relationship on equal terms; I don't want to be the underdog.

OP posts:

Thanks

TheNaze73 · 29/01/2017 15:03

I think it's great. Stops a potential mismatch, right at the beginning.
Not all men but, some will see assertive as stroppy. Probably been there, done that & would rather put a camp fire out with their face, than go through all that shit again.
Horses for courses, I think

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 16:34

Thank you all for your opinions. I'm beginning to see it as a good thing rather thing having read your replies.

I also agree with you Naze that some of the men have probably had a bad experience in the past so it could be that they don't understand the difference between assertive and aggressive. Or it could be they are worried that an assertive woman could potentially become aggressive. So I can only conclude that they are either unintelligent or they have issues and both are red flags for me.

OP posts:

Thanks

hefzi · 29/01/2017 16:34

I thought "assertive" was a codeword for "dominant"? (In a sexual sense, though I appreciate that OLD isn't like the seedy back pages of a paper, or the small ads in the Speccie )

Thanks

piginboots · 29/01/2017 16:40

Tbf I wouldn't want to date a man who defined himself as "assertive". I'd read it as a codeword for bossy arrogant arse.

Not sure how men would read it if a woman called herself that..

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 16:43

I don't like men to be overly dominant sexually either Hefzi but I did wonder if that's what it meant. I think I am much more of a dominatrix than a sub tbh so I'd better give those guys a miss.

OP posts:

Thanks

hefzi · 29/01/2017 16:46

pig I bet they'd see it as bossy/controlling...

I just did a search out of interest (not dating but Telegraph is one of the papers I read regularly): not many blokes with pictures but one of them is one of my married colleagues And he's lied about his age...

The really strange thing about being on Telegraph dating (apart from already having a wife) is that he's a full on TUSC member: thinks Labour are backsliders, and can barely say "Tory" without spitting.

Thanks

hefzi · 29/01/2017 16:47

Laugh

Thanks

piginboots · 29/01/2017 16:55

Ooh that's weird, hefzi maybe he's trying to infiltrate the Telegraph Tories for ulterior purposes? Or it's his wife that's the true Trotski and he is rebelling?

Thanks

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 29/01/2017 17:01

It was a category thoughtfully added on by the female programmer to help others avoid twats.

bloody fabulous!

Thanks

NotLadyPrickshit · 29/01/2017 17:27

Just had a nosey... this is a guy near me... the rest of his profile isn't any more appealing & I could never date anyone who describes their fashion sense as "my tastes echo long established norms" you need an assertive woman to sort you out into something suitable to date

The Daily Telegraph dating website and men who select 'assertiveness' as a turn off?

Thanks

Lorelei76 · 29/01/2017 17:31

Prickshit, perhaps people reject assertivness because they think it means "will try to tell me what to wear".

Thanks

hefzi · 29/01/2017 17:36

pig I couldn't see his whole ad without signify up, so maybe they're going all 70s commune again!

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 17:48

Yes, that's very strange hefzi. Ive noticed that some men are registered on both The Daily Telegraph and Guardian Soulmates websites so I don't think it necessarily indicates a political leaning as is obviously the case with your work colleague. Sadly I think there are loads of married men and women on there looking to have an affair, can't believe they are so blatant!

Just been back to have a look at Mr Hot's profile and his Turn-ons are listed as; Assertiveness; Body piercing(s); Dancing; Erotica; Intelligence; Long hair; Showing affection in public; Skinny dipping; Thrill seeking

I had to laugh at the skinny dipping - he's 53 FFS Quite like the idea of thrill seeking though.

OP posts:

Thanks

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 17:51

my tastes echo long established norms"

I agree, that's a definite turn off Not

OP posts:

Thanks

hefzi · 29/01/2017 17:51

Aha, yes, I wondered about broadsheet crossover - there's one guy whose tagline is "No Tory Voters Please"

So are you going to hit up Mr Hot for some skinny dipping?!

Thanks

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.