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Relationships

The Daily Telegraph dating website and men who select 'assertiveness' as a turn off?

48 replies

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 12:49

To be fair the option to select 'assertiveness' as a turn off is there for women as well but having had a quick peep it seems not many women registered on the website choose it whereas a lot of the men do. Shock

Can someone tell me what this means apart from the obvious? Does it just mean they are looking for someone sexually submissive and passive or does it mean that in general terms they find confident self-assured assertive women unattractive? Because if that's the case I could be single for a very long time.

Here's the link so you can see for yourself:

dating.telegraph.co.uk/s/find/search.php

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 17:53

Oops, I've obviously posted the other Mr Hot as he's listed Assertiveness as a turn on. God this is so bloody confusing!

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 17:55

I think I might go for the second Mr Hot Hefzi as I think we might be more sexually compatible. Not sure about the skinny dipping though. Grin

OP posts:
hefzi · 29/01/2017 17:58

Definitely not at the moment, anyway - it's freezing up here! Good Luck - the one you just posted about sounds worth a second look naked at least Grin

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 18:16

Thanks Hefzi, just been back to have a look at the first Mr Hot's turn-ons and it seems he wants to go skinny dipping as well: Shock Grin

Dancing; Erotica; Flirting; Intelligence; Long hair; Showing affection in public; Skinny dipping

Showing affection in public? I think that's probably code for having sex in public places. I've come to the conclusion that you have to read inbetween the lines Grin

OP posts:
NotLadyPrickshit · 29/01/2017 18:33

I'm not sure about all this skinny dipping... did it in my teenage years but it'd be more akin to a chunky dunk these days Blush

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 18:46

I don't think many women past the age of 25 would be up for skinny dipping Not, I certainly wouldn't so I reckon most of the men are dreaming.

That said, it tells you a lot about their sexual fantasies and is nevertheless very revealing. Grin

OP posts:
SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 29/01/2017 18:54

I'd assume that assertive just means, "not a "yes darling" man pleaser". Some men like an independent thinking woman, other don't and don't expect to have their authority as the man challenged. I wouldn't want a man who didn't want an assertive partner.

I used to like the quiz question on match that asked if you'd be happy for your partner to go out on a night out without you. The number of men who wouldn't be was quite astounding...

ALaugh I'd interpret 'erotica' as porn and lapdancing clubs.

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 19:17

She, I wouldn't want a man who didn't want an assertive woman either. I just got rid of one controlling bastard (exh) and I certainly don't want another one.

Think you could be right about erotica, it's not like very men like to read erotica is it? I don't want a man who is into watching hardcore porn that's for sure! Shock

OP posts:
Darmody · 29/01/2017 19:25

'Assertive' on a profile sounds like a euphemism for 'bossy', 'controlling' or 'rude' tbh.

ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 21:47

Darmondy, yes, it's probably not a good choice of word to put on your profile as it seems the word does have negative connotations which in some cases could relate to a persons history.

I'd like to think that men who don't like assertive women are just pussy cats but I'm not sure.

I am assertive but have always been attracted to alpha males and although I would like to date out of type Im finding it very complicated. Confused I'm glad I posted this thread though as I have a better understanding of why some men might find assertive women undesirable and/or intimidating.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 29/01/2017 21:49

Darmody*

OP posts:
PaterPower · 29/01/2017 22:27

"Showing affection in public? I think that's probably code for having sex in public places. I've come to the conclusion that you have to read inbetween the lines"

I don't know - it could be as simple as wanting someone who doesn't mind holding hands in public and the odd kiss.

I went out with a lady who literally would not hold hands when we were walking down the street - "too intimate," apparently and "nobody wants to see that!"

Needless to say I'm not going out with her now, but it was the first (and last to date) person I've ever known who had such a strong aversion to any pda of any kind.

ALaughAMinute · 30/01/2017 22:25

I don't know - it could be as simple as wanting someone who doesn't mind holding hands in public and the odd kiss.

That's really rather lovely Pater, I will bear that in mind.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 30/01/2017 22:32

It's not exactly the ideal time of year for skinny dipping. Maybe wait until the summer to contact them...

I wouldn't dare swim in the nude anyway. I'd be trying to get to shore and there'd be all these shaggy environmental types trying to throw me back Confused

picklemepopcorn · 30/01/2017 22:47

Prickshit's chap is going to struggle finding a woman who has body piercings but not tattoos, is powerful, intelligent, shows affection in public and likes thrill seeking but is not assertive or sarcastic.

Dream on.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 31/01/2017 01:36

'assertive' is simply seen as 'dominant' on these polite sites!
so yes, most men don't actively choose that unless they want to advertise their submissiveness. Some exceptions, thankfully - strong or just egalitarian men who want an equal but then they usually spell this dynamic out rather than just tick 'assertive' as a turn-on.
Interesting logic, OP - it's the other way round, men who are pussy cats often do want an assertive woman - the trouble is assertive women are not keen on them unless these women are truly controlling. Bit of a limbo for the women really!

2rebecca · 31/01/2017 09:50

I agree that assertiveness means different things to different people. I am fairly assertive and like assertive men but would be wary of anyone describing themself as assertive on a dating site because if you are putting it down as a key character trait you may be arrogant and garrulous and always want your own way. Quietly confident is probably a better description of what I'm actually after.

Dahlietta · 31/01/2017 10:38

I wouldn't dare swim in the nude anyway. I'd be trying to get to shore and there'd be all these shaggy environmental types trying to throw me back

Grin

CockacidalManiac · 31/01/2017 10:42

I am assertive but have always been attracted to alpha males

In my experience, 'alpha male' is code for twat.

CockacidalManiac · 31/01/2017 10:44

I'd like to think that men who don't like assertive women are just pussy cats but I'm not sure.

I severely doubt that. You read enough threads on here from women who have married men like that, and realise too late exactly what it does mean.

mickyblueyes · 31/01/2017 11:01

I totally agree with Darmondy...

"'Assertive' on a profile sounds like a euphemism for 'bossy', 'controlling' or 'rude' tbh"

My STBXW always described herself as bossy and assertive. I later found out that this was code for controlling, narcissistic and an emotional bully.

Zaphodsotherhead · 31/01/2017 11:19

erotica=arse sex.

scottishdiem · 31/01/2017 19:46

Its an odd self-defining term. Both DP and I are relatively easy going and I suspect we would both turn it off.

But neither of us would date on that site anyway and being the Torygraph its unlikely men turning off assertiveness are looking for someone they consider docile.

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