Im Probably Being Unreasonable

[IWantToWinTheLottery]

My dp has been acting a little strange, nothing too much to worry about and I'm pretty sure I now know why, I'm fully expecting to be told IBU but I can't help the way I feel.
So this weekend he made a lighthearted joke about going to Amsterdam next weekend. I kept my response casual and then moved on to another subject.
The thing is I'm not happy about it and while I don't believe it's right to tell adults what they can or can't do, I'm not sure I would want to be with him if he went.....hear me out please.
I know he isn't going next weekend I think this is something he and his mate have discussed and he's sounding me out, almost forewarning me lol.
His friend is recently single and if I'm honest a bit of an idiot (but hey that's not my concern he isn't my friend).
This particular friend sends my dp all manner of strange, and quite often derogatory (towards women) almost pornagraphic videos. Stupid 'boy' videos he's found online.
It's not that I think he's a bad influence on my dp per se, I mean my dp is an adult and perfectly capable of choosing to act in an appropriate way, I just think this friend is one of those blokes who wouldnt encourage my dp to do that. You know the type that tells their friends in a relationship oh you're under the thumb or I wouldn't put up with that I'd tell her to do one.
Anyway I have absolutely no problem if my dp wants a boys weekend away, money isn't a problem, he works hard and all in all is a good man whom I trust. What I do feel uncomfortable with is the choice of location, the sex capital of the world lol.
I know he won't sleep with a prostitute, that's not the problem. I would just feel uncomfortable with him doing other things that happen in Amsterdam. The sex shows, the walking through the red light district and seeing women naked in Windows offering their goods. I'm not a prude, my dp has a high sex drive and we share a very open and good sex life but that's just it...we share.
I wouldn't want my dp watching real life women do things with the intention of sexual stimulation. I don't want him being part of an audience of something that arouses him. That's for me to do, that part of our relationship is personal to us.
I know what men are like, if he went away and saw women in bikinis they would look, have a bit of banter and yes he'd like looking but those women wouldn't be doing intimate things with the sole purpose of sexually stimulating their audience, they would just be good looking girls in bikinis.
Like I said I know 100% he wouldn't cheat, but tbh in this situation I know I would feel that the actual act of sex hadn't occurred I would still feel like he had betrayed that part of our relationship.
Some of you may think this is my problem and it's not fair to try and stop him, which I would never dream of doing but I am concerned as to how my feelings about this would effect our relationship.
I have no problem with porn in general, like I said Im pretty open minded with most stuff, but the things that happen in Amsterdam seem different, it's not like having a quick wank to five minutes of porn is it, it's real life, it's an actual woman in front of you doing extremely explicit sexual acts and I just don't agree with that. Opinions please.

[GwendolineLacey]

If you're worried about him going to Amsterdam you'd also want to be worried about him going to pretty much any city in Germany, any other city in the Netherlands, most of Switzerland etc. etc. It has a red light district, one of many in Europe, not the only one that exists. They're really common, especially in Northern Europe. Not sure how it got the reputation of being 'the' place to see women sitting on stools in windows. Either your partner is the kind of person who heads to the red light district to lech on people or he isn't, making a big dramatic last stand about a trip to Amsterdam (which, totally agreed with pp, is a wonderful city) wouldn't stop him and his knobber friend walking down the Reeperbahn on a different lads break.

[IWantToWinTheLottery]

Tbh the fact his friend sends these things is wiered but hey its not my friendship it doesn't really affect me. I'd be more surprised if he didn't go to sex shows and strip clubs whilst out there than if he did.
I guess alot of people would say he's not having sex or touching others it's just what most blokes do while in Amsterdam, like visiting a cafe and getting stoned but I'm actually really pissed off at the thought of it now.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect my dp not to consciously go seeking half naked women (red light district) or paying to go and watch naked women perform (strip bars) or pay to watch naked women carry out intimate acts (sex shows) all in the name of entertainment and that's exactly what I'll be explaining to him. It's his and others right, to disagree with me but that's the long and short of it. I don't answer the door to his friends in my underwear encouraging them to look at me, I keep that in the bedroom with him, it works both ways, I'm glad I posted it's helped me clarify my thoughts.

[PaterPower]

Pretty telling that you assumed they're all sexist towards women. I'd say well over a third are aimed "against" men.

And you know what, I DO find those just as funny (usually funnier) than those involving women. Despite them being "degrading against my gender" (FFS!)

[happypoobum]

Funny thing is,if my boyfriend said he was going to Amsterdam ( or anywhere else), I would assume he was going to look at the wonderful museums and have a good time that didn't involved sex workers.

The fact that you jumped to this conclusion says everything about what kind of man you already know he is..................

[IWantToWinTheLottery]

I know he's not into museums lol

[Oddsockspissmeoff]

Pretty telling that you assumed they're all sexist towards women. I'd say well over a third are aimed "against" men.
And you know what, I DO find those just as funny (usually funnier) than those involving women. Despite them being "degrading against my gender" (FFS!)

I'm not getting into a ridiculous debate with you about some random who sends you stupid sexist shit. One third at men ffs.
I made a point to the Op that people tend to be friends with people who share similar values (like you).

[IWantToWinTheLottery]

Guys I think we need to disagree on this one.....
Paterpower you mentioned your friend has visited a strip club but you wouldn't, why is that? If you don't mind me asking for a man's opinion.

[LesisMiserable]

Op,you seem at pains to point out (perhaps to yourself)that you see your sexual relationship as sacrosanct. Which to be fair is pretty much the norm in all monogamous relationships, do you feel your dp needs that underlining ? Because if you do, the fact is you either dont trust him or feel like you cant hold his eye

[happypoobum]

Les The OP has started a new thread because she didn't like the answers given here.

Problem is I think she's liking the answers on her new thread even less.....

[LesisMiserable]

Thats the danger of starting new threads I guess

[PaterPower]

No you didn't. You made a specific dig at me, then came back to do it again. We're in agreement it's a ridiculous argument though.

OP I have never, despite plenty of "opportunities," and would never go to a strip club. I don't go because they're sordid, ethically questionable and therefore about as erotically appealing as liver in a jam jar (and no, by saying that I am NOT comparing women to animal organs before anyone throws their teddy away).

Although I assume a tiny proportion of the women make an informed choice to earn their living in the clubs, I am very aware that the vast majority have no choice and/or drift into it because they feel they have none. If given a choice I would make them illegal.

Finally, and of the least importance, those clubs are expensive. The money often gets funnelled to criminal gangs (and the only criminal organisation I want to put funds into is the high street bank I'm obliged to use) and in a choice between throwing cash at a stripper or spending it on my kids... well there is no choice.