For those of you who have gone NC - how do you deal with this....

[2sCompany]

...ExP banging on my door every couple of days. I don't know whether to tell him to stop or just carry on completely NC and try to ignore? He has done it late-ish at night when all the lights are off and I'm clearly in bed as well as early on a Sunday morning. Bangs, waits, bangs, waits, bangs waits. Tries to call my phone, but I've blocked his number so it goes straight to voicemail, so I only know he's tried calling by looking at my call log.

I know it's my own fault because I've tried to go NC in the past, but always end up talking to him again after a few days, so he obviously thinks I'll give in again as I always have done. This time I've gone 2 weeks so far, which I know isn't long at all, but has been a big achievement for me.

There's a huge history leading up to this, but the straw that broke the camels back was him telling me how much he's cheated on me and accusing me (wrongly) of doing the same. I've finally taken off my rose-tinted glasses and stopped lying to myself that it's normal to be bullied mentally and physically any more. The main complication is that I'm pregnant, so whilst I know this is definitely the right thing for me, is it right for the baby?

Any advice gratefully received. I don't really feel comfortable discussing with anyone in RL as I've complained about things that have happened in the past, but I've always gone back to him. So everyone is sick of hearing it and its all my own fault anyway (as he constantly reminded me).

Sorry for the rather lengthy whinge. Thanks, if anyone reads this x

[2sCompany]

Thank you all so, so much for listening to me whinging on. I can't believe how pathetic I sound really. But honestly, I massively appreciate every single message and am repeatedly reading them all to try to give me the strength that I need to keep this going once and for all.

Thank you ALL xxx

[RandomMess]

Don't struggle on alone, people here are always willing to help you through any wobbles without criticising you!

Sounds like you've used alcohol to numb the pain of his behaviour in the past. Onwards and upwards...

[2sCompany]

Oh massively so, used it to cheer me up, to forget, to celebrate, commiserate... mainly to forget and ignore though.

So one of the great things to have come out of this pregnancy is me being sober and it forcing me to think straight. And not be constantly hungover.

[Kr1stina]

Don't feel pathetic. It's very hard to leave an abusive relationship as it messes with your head. Everyone who has been there thinks the same as you - it was my fault too, no one will believe me, maybe I imagined it, I push his buttons, other women have it much worse, it's not really abuse.

Lots of women take several attempts to leave, you are quite normal, honest. .

[2sCompany]

Thanks Kr1stina, that's exactly how I feel. I've read threads on here and never thought any of it applied to me. It's just been me causing/ letting things happen, I could walk away at any time. But it's not so easy.

Very nervous about calling the police in a bit.