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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you need to be adored?

58 replies

Temp · 25/02/2007 17:50

I think I do.

I asked DH earlier if I was the centre of his universe (I just wanted to know the answer!!) and he said "Is this a test?" and look at me as if I was nuts. I wanted him to say "Of course you are..." (at the very least! ). He did say that actually, but the long wait with me standing there looking at him was more insulting than if he hadn't said it at all!

We have been married 10 years, through a few ups and downs but don't think our relationship is in too bad nick.. just that I want him to adore me.. is that unrealistic?

He says he loves me.. but I usually 'have' to tell him first. However I can't help but notice that I get the most attention when he is hoping for sex.. not that I make him go without or anything; on the contrary. He pretty much has it on tap. (Because I want to not because I feel I have to.) I wish he was more demonstrative; more touchy feely.. more inclined to hug me for no particular reason and a bit more given to making me feel important.

I suppose this should be in "am I being unreasonable" should it!

Anybody else?

OP posts:

HuwEdwards · 27/02/2007 12:13

Not adored, no.

Tortington · 27/02/2007 12:17

god no.

reminds me of a dog

AnneJones · 27/02/2007 12:22

Everyone deserves to be cherished - I definitely am. Whether this comes in hearts-and-flowers or the odd grunt of appreciation when you've made an effort to look nice depends on the relationship and the individuals.

But then I am a newlywed

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 27/02/2007 12:25

Maybe adored was the wrong word. "Cherished" is better I think. I don't want the Mills and Boon, just love/respect/a healthy amount of lust /a little romance a rolled in together. Perhaps that's not adoration.

Yeah it's me.

Cashncarry · 27/02/2007 12:30

I'm afraid I feel like I do need to be adored. I must admit I don't think it's a good thing as it's to do with my own insecurities. I have always felt that I needed my DH more than he needed me and consequently our rship feels a bit unbalanced.

Now that we have DD I have had to temper my needs somewhat. I don't really think it's healthy to "need" to be adored. It's nice to make a special effort for someone you love and nice when they make that effort for you.

The problem with the adoration is that when you don't get it you tumble into this pit of depression because you think that you're unloved. It's hard to differentiate between the two sometimes.

I guess my feeling is now that it's best not to want someone to adore you. That way, you'll never be disappointed!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 27/02/2007 12:36

Indeed C&C. I firmly believe my issues come from not having learnt to be self-sufficent for my own peace of mind. I have to learn to like myself more. But knowing this and doing it are two different things.

Cashncarry · 27/02/2007 12:41

Sometimes it takes a shock to the system for you to realise that you shouldn't put all faith in one person like that. It's not fair on that person is it? You're putting too much pressure on them to feel a certain way about you all the time.

I would hate to be my DH sometimes

OrmIrian · 27/02/2007 12:53

Yes self-sufficiency is very important. No other single person can make you feel wonderful all the time for the rest of your life. You need to do that for yourself. Cherish yourself perhaps. The need to be adored does smack of neediness a bit...

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