So I had a thread in AIBU.
Basically over the last 7 years or so my husband has become increasingly volatile. It is always someone else's fault. I have always done the apologising just to keep things stable for the children and to avoid any big fall out.
Examples I can think of include calling me a slag for going out night before my DD2s 1st birthday. FWIW I am very conservative and didn't drink and was back before midnight.
He has made me feel ill saying that we haven't got the £ to pay for children's music lessons but then buying a £1200 watch.
Refusing to pick children up when my car broke down
There are a couple of times when he has gone hugely mental screaming and shouting at me.
We went away to a family wedding. He kicked our dogs shit in the rental cottage garden, I gave him a bag and said would be better if he picked it up as they would be playing there. He had a huge meltdown which he continued in public, in front of DDs and before the ceremony the next day. I was so distraught none of us turned up to the ceremony and my dad, who had come down with us and paid for the cottage ended up going alone and walking 3 miles back to the cottage. To find my husband playing super dad and drinking all his wine!
He never arranges or offers to help with anything to do with the girls during the week. Sometimes they need to be in different places at different times (different schools). He would be unaware when they are performing, when parents evening is etc yet receives all the same communication as me. He even expects me to tell him when his haircut appointment that he made at a salon I don't go to is! He doesn't write it on the calendar!
2 years ago following my mothers death, DH decided to redevelop my fathers home into a 4 bed with 2 bed annexe. I raised reservations as DH can get jealous of my friendship with my dad and how much they love him. DH adamant he wanted this.
I went back to work 15 months ago full time but had to drastically reduce my hours as no help with washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc etc.
My dad kindly does the school run and cooks on the 2 days I am out the house.
Yesterday I was due my annual appraisal. Last chance to get it done before deadline. Typically DD1 who is 12 had a temperature. I arranged for my dad to sit with her whilst I went to do appraisal - then I would be back, 3 hours max. DH went crazy, saying that my job was not important, that a parent should be at home etc. I was furious that he would say that. Of course in the past I have taken days off to look after them but it was not necessary for yesterday. We left on not speaking terms.
In the evening he came in obviously expecting everything to be ok. As I was clearly still annoyed he sat in silence through dinner, the started slamming dishes around. He then said that I hadn't "learnt" anything from the doomed wedding trip, smashed a glass and left.
Today he has said that he is the victim as he tries to please everyone (I honestly don't see this) and he is sick of my dad being around. I don't know what I can do about this. My dad does help me two days a week as no one else can and DH won't pay for wraparound school. He also often eats with us but then goes. Don't spend time with him at weekend at all.
For context my job pays small amount a month, I pay for the running costs of the main family car, pay for any dog related things, children's phone, pocket money etc. My dad does pay one set of school fees - this was left as part of my mothers will though with express directions.
If I ever ask for help around the house he says that whatever he does won't be good enough, or he'll do it later or that he does. He doesn't! He has not done a food shop or cooked in over 10 years. I get no support with my "unimportant" job but have to be a sounding board for his stressful job 
I think I am done. I can't do it anymore my self esteem and self belief is so low I often wonder if it is me that is the problem.
Would I get tax credits etc to help me out as I live sort of with my dad (essentially one dwelling). The house is owned by all three of us. How would all that work?