"I think sometimes people who thrive on manipulation do zoom in on aspies, whether they know about AS or not.
In fact, any kind of straightforwardness or disinclination to join in with mind games seems to be a red flag to people who like the games."
This. Above.
My mother is also incredibly controlling. As I've read through the posts above, I've found myself nodding and thinking "Yep, she's done that... and that... and that..." - but when I've challenged her about it, she claims that she and my father "Are only trying to help..." Which is intended to cut me down to size and encourage me to get back into my box. In the last year, an awful lot has happened that has made me take several large steps away from my parents - for the sake of my children.
But be aware, that if you don't do something whilst your children are still young... you may find yourself with a controlling child to contend with, too.
My DD (20) has watched my mother belittle, and deliberately hurt me emotionally/financially throughout the years. She's listened to her badmouthing me/my son, she's heard her call me things like "whore", and "crazy", and "a bad mother who thinks only of herself" (that last one when I refused to have my DD back in my home after she knocked me unconscious, ran off not knowing if I was dead or alive, and left her 12 year old brother to deal with it all... the police told her to stay with my parents when they released her from custody, except my mother wanted to go out for the day to a market, so out came the emotional manipulations, the physical intimidation, the threats, the sneering, the "get back in your box where I can keep you" behaviours). She's also observed how my mother treats my father. Literally stopping him from having his own social life (although she doesn't have one of her own, oddly enough... she's always on the edge of things, and has no friends) and from seeing his friends. So my daughter has learned all of her behaviour from her grandmother.
Last weekend, I happened to mention in passing to my daughter that I'd been speaking to an old school friend (male) who has been invited to a mutual friend's significant birthday party - as have I and my son. Old school friend said that because it's a huge distance for him to drive (he lives in Wales, the party is in Hampshire), he is going to book a hotel room and stop over.
"Well, you're not going to the party!" my daughter announced. Which... as it stands right now... DS and I are. Not my fault her behaviour towards me/him has resulted in her being shunned by my friends (mutual friend's husband has actually said to me that if my daughter hadn't assaulted me so violently, and been badmouthing me on social media for having her arrested ever since, she would have been invited). And then: "[Old School Friend] is really skeevy, and he's been after you for years, and you're not allowed to see him!"
Old School Friend is, actually, not skeevy in the slightest, is not "after" me in any way, shape, or form, and is going through a very rough time of it of late. He's also DD's godfather. And I've known him long enough for us to regard one another as siblings, rather than "fanciable".
The rebellious part of me, the part which prevented me from simply doing everything my mother wanted me to just because she'd ordered me to, wants to go to the party with DS, agree for him to be looked after overnight by Mutual Friend's babysitter (her children are going to be retiring from the party at 9pm, and she's encouraged me to let DS go with them just so that I can have some "me" time, rather than "mum" time!) and then... spend the night (platonically) in Old School Friend's hotel room (which, again, he's already offered. There are two beds, incidentally, and he says that all of my friends think I need a bloomin' good night out after everything that I've had to deal with, daughter-wise, over the last year!). But the part of me that simply longs for a quiet life, suggests that I do as I'm told yet again, by a 20 year old who thinks she has the right to tell me not to date. I've been single for the last 11 years, pretty much. The last time a bloke was interested... DD told me that I wasn't allowed to see him, and if I did, she'd tell my mother. So I let the Quiet Life part of me put an end to that possible dalliance.
What I'm trying to say now, is please learn from my experience. Don't do as I did and inadvertantly allow your children to watch and learn how to treat you, from someone who patently neither likes, nor respects you. Because they will mirror it.