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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been dumped abroad.

71 replies

DumpedAbroad · 22/01/2017 17:53

Came to see partner. LDR
Things were rocky. Wanted to try and fix things with a visit. Been dumped whilst here.

Am in a B&B. They have ghosted me. I went round to the house and they wouldn't even answer the door.

Have come back to B&B with a bit of shopping. I fly home midweek.

I'm so sad.

Please don't tell me to get out there an have fun. I have really bad anxiety and am devestated right now. Plus it's not a holiday destination and the weather is awful (people being told to stay inside etc)

I just want to go home :(

OP posts:
CrispPacket · 22/01/2017 19:28

This happened to me, I was utterly torn to shreds...except I didnt know things were rocky, I literally turned up and he wouldnt talk to me really apart from that he didnt want to do this anymore :( I was only 19 and we had been together for 3years- i thought it was the 'one'...it took me a while to get over but looking back HAH! what was I thinking. At the moment OP just quietly get through the next few days, i'm sure itll drag and you must feel awful but it WILL be okay. Im so sorry, sending hugs.
This also happened when me and my (other) ex went on our first holiday together...we got to day 3/7..whoops.

Jb291 · 22/01/2017 19:33

You're doing really well OP. Treat yourself gently. Have a lovely breakfast every day and allow yourself to get some sleep if you can. I know you're in an unfamiliar place and everything seems very different and daunting but honestly you're going to be fine. A little trip to a shopping centre and the cinema sounds nice and it might lift your spirits

Original poster
DumpedAbroad · 22/01/2017 19:34

I knew things were pretty bad but I wanted to fix stuff and it was all booked and paid for. I never thought it would be this bad. Literally abandoned. I was prepared for some big talks and things but I thought we would be ok once I was here.

Just staying positive as I can.

OP posts:
Ginorchoc · 22/01/2017 19:42

Did he know you was coming? Agree with others get out and about if you can, will make the time go quicker.

girlelephant · 22/01/2017 19:52

Wow your ex is a horrid person! You're doing great so far! 💐

have lots of food, try to get out and get some fresh air and do some sightseeing/cinema etc. Before you know it you'll be leaving for home

Tabbylady · 22/01/2017 20:04

Oh poor you. As a person who is quite introverted and who was previously very anxious this is my nightmare. Was once in a similar situation - stuck alone in a small cruddy town where I didn't speak the language - and I ended up doing these things

  • cinema during the day (pick one that's subtitled not dubbed!): turns out loads of people go alone, especially in the mornings. Later learned it's a good post-night-shift activity.
  • trashy novels, in comfy cafe.
  • buy a map (or look up online) and go on any local nature type walks. Take your time and buy a cheap anorak if you need to if weather is rubbish. Fresh air will help
  • use the opportunity to look after yourself a bit. I ended up getting my nails done, going for a series of nice massages and getting my hair done. I'd only ever had hair done before and really just did it to take up time but it was nice and relaxing. Not speaking the language helped as I didn't have to talk much!
  • is there any work that you could do remotely that you need to catch up on? If you have a considerate boss you could maybe work on x project/presentation and get a day or a bit of a day back in annual leave when you return so it's not all wasted

Good luck xxxx Flowers

junebirthdaygirl · 22/01/2017 21:00

Agree with Cauliflower. Getting through this will make you strong.. Other things won't phase you as much. You are doing brilliantly. You will get through these few days.

Do go to breakfast. You will never see those people again, give no thought to what they think of you.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 22/01/2017 21:19

OP did he know you were coming to see him? If so he's a complete tosser and his behaviour is appalling.

Londonjam · 22/01/2017 21:24

Bless you, you poor thing ☹️ that's awful of him how unkind. You are better off without him, though it might not feel like that yet.

Get cosy and look after yourself, you can spend some time reflecting and thinking about what you want from life next. Don't let this person steal your happiness. You have your life ahead of you full of possibilities.

I second the idea to do some yoga. It helps to clear my head and centre me.

The dark clouds will lift and the sun will shine again 💐💐💐

Figure17a · 22/01/2017 21:32

Oh, try and go talk to the B&B owner if he's nice and chatty. It's good to get things off you chest with a stranger sometimes and you'll be able to make sure the small community knows what a shit ex is before you leave Grin Bet B&B owner would take extra good care if you if he knew what you're going through.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/01/2017 22:08

Hang on in there caterpillar ! Only 3 more nights (ugh) to go . One day you will look back at this and raise a wry smile . Not yet though . Agree to have a walk and do a stretches and sleep Flowers and tell the owner !
Have you told anyone at
Home yet ?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 22/01/2017 22:13

Stay with us and tell us what's going on.

Anyone else staying at the B and B?
What are the owners like?
Have you looked at the breakfast menu?

CurlsNoMore · 22/01/2017 22:22

Flowers just sending a hug and solidarity about the anxiety xxx Others have given great suggestions here xxx I've just downloaded Ruby Wax's new book frazzled but got the audio book version, so listening to her explaining it all and sharing her experiences. Plus tips on doing mindfulness; it has encouraged me to to download a few free apps to practice mindfulness which I hope will help with my anxiety. Best wishes

Allalonenow · 22/01/2017 22:27

Do try to go and have the breakfast in the morning, apart from anything else you've paid for it, and it's silly to waste that money.

But much more importantly, it will help you to feel better and give you a bit of courage, no one can face the world on just a bag of crisps a day.

Get down there and eat something woman. Smile Brew Cake

JovialNickname · 23/01/2017 03:12

Go to the shopping centre lovely! Pluck up your courage and do it tomorrow. You can wander around and get a few bits (if you see anything you want to buy, and if you have the money) and then go to the cinema. You can do it! I know it's a bit scary but you'll feel so proud of yourself if you give it a go. And you'll always remember this holiday for being the time you did something for yourself, not for it being about a past relationship.

Every time I have been abroad and tried to fit in with local customs or speaking the language I have always ended up looking like a bit of a wally as it never properly works out. But you know what - people don't care! It's endearing and the locals tend to love someone that's tried! Give it a go. I hope you don't take offence at this comment as it's affectionately meant by someone (me!) with a black sense of humour. But it's been a fucking awful holiday for you so far. Have you really got so much to lose? Can it really get so much worse!

Go to the cinema tomorrow, treat yourself to a couple of bits and come back here to report, we want to hear about the lovely time you've had. Screw your stupid man - he doesn't deserve you!

PitilessYank · 23/01/2017 03:37

What a jerk!
I agree with telling the B&B owner if you feel comfortable doing it.
If I were there we could meet up and I would insist that we go egg or t.p. his house.
Then we would go get manicures and see two movies a day until you leave.
Do keep us updated.
Flowers

witwootoodleoo · 23/01/2017 03:53

[Flowers]

Anyone that can treat you so awfully definitely isn't worth having in your life long-term so awful as it is now one day you'll look back and be glad of the lucky escape.

You could try to treat this as a sort of mini retreat to rest and focus on you. Maybe download the Headspace app and do the free meditations to see how you get on with them? YouTube some yoga and/or pilates exercises to try even if it's not normally your kind of thing? Maybe you'll find you enjoy them and they will become a new interest but even if it turns out not to be your thing it will help pass the time

SallyInSweden · 23/01/2017 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DumpedAbroad · 23/01/2017 08:30

I really can't face the outside world right now. It's not a country with a different language or anything but I'm just mentally exhausted and I just don't feel I can face it.

It's early hours of the morning and I feel equally stressed out at the prospect of being in this room all day again but really don't know if i can face going out.

I can't wait to get home.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 23/01/2017 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBertBibby · 23/01/2017 08:37

Oh love, don't stress about staying in your cave. You wouldn't feel bad about holing up with the 'flu, and this is no different.

AyeAmarok · 23/01/2017 08:38

Maybe there is another B&B closer to town and civilisation you could move to?

Your ex sounds horrible.

Shayelle · 23/01/2017 08:46

Flowers for you caterpillar. You can do this x

Itwasthenandstillis · 23/01/2017 08:49

Where are you OP?

Littleballerina · 23/01/2017 08:59

You're doing ok op.
No rush to go outside. See if you can manage breakfast downstairs and see how that feels. If it's uncomfortable go back to your room. Try again the next day.
The joy of not knowing anyone is that they don't expect anything so no pressure.