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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's just hit me

66 replies

luckyusername · 21/01/2017 22:35

Partner of 7 years has just shouted and hit me infront of our dc. He's been very stressed today and taking it all out on me. Apparently everything is my fault and I'm weak and pathetic. I don't know what to do now! I don't want to call the police as it will scare the dc. I don't even know what I can do tomorrow or where I can go.

OP posts:
Littleballerina · 22/01/2017 17:19

Look at it as the police helping him.
Does he have a cpn? Call them and they will help you.

SangtheSun · 22/01/2017 17:21

If your 6 year old mentions it at school, involving the police and social services will be taken out of your hands.

Quite rightly, they will see you as being unable or unwilling to protect your children and put their well-being first.

I know it's hard and you're afraid but you must put your children first, even if you can't put yourself first. Thanks

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 22/01/2017 17:32

You will not have your children taken by SS for not phoning the police.

They are likely however to be concerned if they can't see you took clear action to either take the children away from him to another place, or took steps to get him out of the house. They need to see you put the children's wellbeing not to be exposed to someone very unstable and violent above what your partner needs. It is very likely your child will talk about this, it will be very frightening for him.

You can take the children to a hotel, a friend, a family member's house. You can call the police and say he's hurt you once this weekend and is cycling fast and his moods are scaring you, and you have children in the home. They see MH issues all the time and if they need to take him out of the house he will be safe under their close observation and they will have a doctor on call who can see him and get him mental health care. The other option may be to see if there's a mental health crisis team you can ring.

I know you're very scared, but you do need to get your children separated from him before they experience anything else.

Fidelia · 22/01/2017 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WifeyFish · 22/01/2017 20:40

OP I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

From the age of 3 upwards my biological father was physically and mentally abusive to my DM. I used to spend every night wide awake with terror worrying that he might kill her. The shouting was bad, but I was always so much more afraid of the quiet. This went on for years. On particularly bad occasions the police would come and take him away for a few days, but he'd always come back as my mum was afraid of what he'd do to us if she didn't let him back in and it was easier to keep tabs on him when she knew where he was.

At the age of 6 it came to a head when my mum sought refuge in my room one night, thinking he wouldn't dream of doing anything in front of his DD. He tried to strangle her in front of me. It took many years and a lot of therapy to get rid of the flashbacks. Even now I can't stand to be around raised voices...shouting even whilst watching rugby etc. makes my blood run cold.

It took a long time to realise that it wasn't normal to try to stay awake each night to make sure your DM wasn't killed.

I'm telling you this to make you realise that no matter how unaware you think your DC are to the bigger picture I can promise they know a lot, lot more than you think and even if they haven't mentioned it to you they will undoubtedly be feeling extremely unsettled, particularly now they've seen the violence first hand.

Please speak to the police and WA and get advice on the best course of action. His rages sound like whatever meds he's on aren't necessarily working and I'd be worried for the safety of yourself and your DC's right now. As for worrying about your DP's MH, he sounds like he needs help right now so if anything, the best thing you could do is speak to the police so they can help him get the help he needs.

MorrisZapp · 22/01/2017 20:47

Have you told your parents? Do you have any friends or workmates?

Original poster
luckyusername · 22/01/2017 21:05

Wifey I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you are having a better life now. Of all the comments that ones made me come to my senses

OP posts:
WifeyFish · 22/01/2017 21:30

Luckyusername you have no idea how pleased I am to hear that. It's never easy, but I promise you're doing the right thing and it will get better.

My DM went on to meet my DF (well technically step-DF but I've always considered him to be my DF) and the rest of my childhood was fairly uneventful. In my teenage years I went to therapy to help me come to terms with everything that occurred with my biological father. I chose not to continue a relationship with him in the end as despite holding no malice for him (or any particular emotions actually) I could never forgive what he put my DM through. I've always tried not to dwell on my past, in fact your OP was the first time I've thought of my childhood in years and I just couldn't not post if my past could help someone else have a better future.

These days I have a wonderful DP who I have a great life with. We have a lovely house and in the not too distant future we hope to have DC of our own. I also have a great relationship with my DM, she's one of my best friends. If anything, in a funny way everything we went through all those years ago only brought us closer.

Naicehamshop · 22/01/2017 22:28

What a post Wifey. You sound like an incredibly brave and strong person. Flowers

Hope you are okay, OP?

Gallavich · 22/01/2017 22:33

lucky you and the children really are not safe. He has a very complex mental health condition and he has been violent to you in front of the children. I'm really sorry but police are the only people who can keep you all safe and you must get him away from the DC.
You must get him safely and legally out of the house then speak to a solicitor immediately after to get advice on how to safely and legally keep him out.
Please call the police. He's absolutely not safe with you or the children now.

user87654321 · 22/01/2017 22:49

WifeyFish, your post made me cry. So pleased things are okay for you now Flowers

picklemepopcorn · 23/01/2017 07:40

How are you today lucky username?

SparklyMagpie · 23/01/2017 08:57

lucky I hope you either managed to phone the police or got you and your children away from this monster

I think your DC will be more terrified in the long run of this continuing than a visit from the police.

He hit you and then has a face full of rage the next day, I couldn't trust him not to do it again.

If you let him get away with this, then what happens next? Where does it end?

Think of you and your children, easier said than done but you need to get you and your children away from him

What a scary situation !

X

Naicehamshop · 23/01/2017 17:25

Hope you are OK op?

TiredAndRavenous · 27/01/2017 19:01

Hope your all safe x

OreoHeaven · 27/01/2017 19:03

By staying and not reporting him you are continuing to expose them and they will grow up thinking abusive relationships are the norm.

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