Should I apologise to DP following an argument?

[Limitedsimba123]

He got quite upset and went to bed early, so now I feel guilty.

I'm currently on mat leave and we have a 4 month old DD. Since starting mat leave I've noticed how little time we actually spend together and it's starting to annoy me.

He does work incredibly hard - long hours in a stressful job. It sometimes involves working away. His position is salaried and he is expected to log on at home after work and respond to emails/complete reports etc. When at home he is usually glued to his works tablet, but does play with DD for 5 minutes here and there. He also often does paid overtime including Saturday mornings - we don't exactly need the extra money but he is often pressured into doing it by his boss. I would say he works 60 hours plus a week.

In comparison my job is relatively easy - 9 to 5 in an office with a 40 minute commute each way. As such I do all cooking, cleaning and laundry which I am happy to do.

Prior to pregnancy we spent every Saturday together watching our local football team, both home and away games. On Sundays DP participates in a hobby that takes him out of the house from 8:30 until 4:30, and I spent that time visiting friends and family. He also does hobbies on Wednesday and Thursday evenings for at least 2 hours each day, and goes to the pub for an hour or two every Friday evening after work.

When I was pregnant, we agreed that when our DD arrived DP would continue to watch home games but would no longer attend away games to ensure that we had 2 days each month to spend as a family.

However, he still goes to quite a few away games (2 of the last 3) and today bought tickets for next weeks away game. I got annoyed, and told him that I felt he spent next to no quality time with me and our DD as it was and couldn't understand why he would rather spend time doing his hobbies than with us.

He feels that he spends plenty of quality time with us in the evenings. I said that with the amount of help I get from him with DD I might aswell be a single parent . He said that I should enjoy being a mum and spending time with our DD, not view it as a job and that if I'm not coping he will pay for childcare to give me a break. He said the single parent comment really hurt him and then stormed off to bed.

Now I'm feeling guilty and am wondering if I'm being unreasonable. Should I apologise?

My DH has a very time consuming hobby too (cycling) and we have an agreement that any time he spends doing that over the weekend I get the same amount of time for myself while he has DD. Even if it is just sitting on my own in a room reading/internetting. It doesn't always happen and sometimes I don't want/need it but it has helped. He works away during the week and would want to cycle at the weekend to 'de-stress'! And eventually I was like 'where's my time?'
It has helped.

Hmmm, but the dh claims the OP should be enjoying her time with the baby, so why isn't that a source of enjoyment / unwinding for him too? he's such a blahddy hypocrite.

he's such a blahddy hypocrite.

And sexist.

Sadly I don't think that changing bedtime (though a good idea) will make him think any differently.
He's not sticking to your agreement re away games and is generally avoiding his responsibilities, whilst guilt tripping you about what a good mother should feel.
His stropping off shows that he's doing that on purpose. If he had just fallen in to it (one important game, then another) then you raising the subject would have had been a bit of a light bulb moment for him, he would have apologised and changed his plans

No you shouldn't apologise.

He seems to think he only needs to give a financial contribution to the family and as long as he does that he gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

Honestly I would leave him to it.

bigchangesabound makes a lot of sense. That's equality.