Is it important to have a concept of your dating league?

[darknessontheedgeoftown]

So I have recently been doing a bit of dating, mostly but not exclusively OLD. I'm early 40s(M) & for a variety of reasons didn't get the opportunity to do this in my twenties.Couple of relationships in my 30s. Now single. It has struck me that a number of the problems besetting m/f relationship s relate a skewed sense of the individuals relative value in the dating market. I've often read and heard about say 40sthg men delusionally thinking 25 year old women will be interested in them and the hurt and confusion this causes say among the 40sthg women who understandably get upset by this. I don't know what happens when the men realise they should be looking at people their own age. I also think there is a less discussed thing of people often those who have had little romantic success e.g through shyness/lack of opportunity assuming no one will be interested in them and thereby both missing out and causing others they could have had happy relationships with to miss out. Would be interested to hear what you think.

In answer to the ops question, yes it is.
When I first did old and was very new to it all I was surprised to find much older men messaging me, when I said I wanted someone closer to my own age they often replied with age is just a number.
Really? Then message someone your own age.
I also refused to engage with anyone who hadn't written about themselves.
I'm sorry but unless you are physically beautiful, which was never the case, then unless you put the effort in I'm not interested.

I had a few men just say 'hi' then when I didn't respond, say something like ' hi, are you ok?'

Err yes I am but I want someone who's interesting and can hold an intelligent conversation.

The ones who said they'd fill their profile in later were given a wide berth.

Anyone I wasn't attracted to was avoided, often I'd reply with a polite you're not what I'm looking for but good luck. Most took this well but a couple got arsey asking why they weren't my type and why couldn't I give them a chance.
Id never reply as I don't believe they could take the truth that I don't want to date them.

There were also the illiterate ones, who couldn't understand what between the ages of X and y means.
Or I want someone who lives within X miles of me.
Or I dislike a, b and c so please don't message me if your into that.

Also the ones who at 50 years old are undecided if they want any more children. Err no if you unsure by that age your not for me.

I'd back up Shatner's experience (re Whataload's list).

Lots of "I'll fill this in later," crap photos, photos in groups (and no obvious idea which is the right person), poor punctuation, nothing fun to say etc on the female side. I also got quite a few "hi" messages with nothing else.

From a dater's perspective (male or female I imagine), so many of the profiles aren't active or just won't reply regardless of how much effort you put in to the first message. Eventually you give up trying and it turns into a numbers game.

I'd agree that if the second message was just as "lazy" then it was probably not going to get any better, but a first "hi" is just (imo) something you had to get used to.

All I can say is I'm damn glad I don't need to be doing it anymore!!

Someone's 'value' as a potential mate is made up of lots of variables

Additionally, may of the variables that make up what a person would be like to date are not straightforward "better/worse" but "more what I like/more what other people like".

I tended to not bother looking at men whose age range stopped lower than their own - I judged them for it.

I have been known in more belligerent moments to reply and tell men that that is why I am not going to talk to them.