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Original poster

Am I reading too much into this?

62 replies

BWF1 · 16/01/2017 11:22

I'm in a relatively new relationship of a few months. DP has never given me any reason not to trust him but there is just this one girl I see all the time popping up on his Facebook and Twitter, they like each others posts and they talk alot on Twitter, nothing that has lead me to be suspicious until yesterday.

DP is currently abroad and he has had an article published in a magazine while he has been away. He had asked me to buy a copy for him, fair enough. Then this girl posted on social media saying I've received a mission from ........ (Where my partner is) then a couple of hours later posted a photo of his article with the caption ready for you when you get back.

This has lead me to think they talk outside of what I see on social media as until she posted yesterday there has had been no mention of his article on social media for her to otherwise know about it and the way she put 'mission recieved' he has obviously asked her to go and buy it.

I haven't said anything to him about it, he doesn't know I can see her posts as I'm not friends with her but she has a public profile.

From her previous posts I can see they have been on days out together, they share a hobby and have been to events together with regards to that but nothing else from what I can see.

Although last weekend she posted she was bored and he commented come out to .........(where he is) for the weekend. I thought it was a joke but maybe it wasn't?

Not sure if I'm loosing some clarity and reading too much into this or if it's something that needs addressing.

As far as I know she isn't aware I am in a relationship with him, there is no mention of me on any of his social media and alot of his recent posts he gets in there that he is alone abroad.

I keep thinking that if this was a guy he was taking to I wouldn't have a problem with it but because it's a girl I do, is this unfair? He isn't cheating on me as before he went away we spent too much time together for him to be seeing anyone else and she doesn't live locally, are they just friends or is it more than that? We are early forties if that bares any resemblance.

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/01/2017 14:18

I would argue saying 'you're the one' and 'together forever' is WAY too much at two months in and that would worry me tbh. He either is rather impulsive and gets carried away or he is bullshitting, to my mind.
Equally I think the stuff with this other woman isn't ideal. Yes, ask him about it but don't ignore that gut feeling. It's often spot on.

Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 15:11

He was with someone for 8 years and it ended a few years ago because she cheated, hes had no serious relationship since, he didn't think he was going to meet anyone until he met me.

Sometimes the things he says are a bit full on, when he says togehter forever or I think you're the one I say something like yes I hope it lasts forever or that makes me very happy. I do like him alot but it is a bit early to be able to say things like that. He can tell from my responses I'm more cautious than him and he says he is fine with that. I like it when he says things like that but equally cautious not to get sucked in too quickly by it all as I know some people would consider the things he says so early in a relationship to be red flags!

OP posts:
Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 15:21

My gut feeling is that nothing has happened between them yet but it could well be building up to that, whether that means behind my back or him finishing with me if she gives him the come on I'm not sure!

OP posts:
BoxingHelena · 16/01/2017 15:46

sounds like you do not have an exclusive relationship, to some degree, and somehow you have chosen to stay in the shadow while this woman has chosen to be out in the public

it doesn't mean she has more of a relationship to you have

On a general note though, I really wish people stayed away from social media. The amount of heartache they create is beyond believe. Why people put themselves through it? FB has turned perfectly normal people into neurotic stalkers

BoxingHelena · 16/01/2017 15:47

than, not "to"

LesisMiserable · 16/01/2017 15:51

I still think he's seeing you both or very certainly leading her on/backburner.

Bluntness100 · 16/01/2017 15:51

I really doubt anything was going on between them as she would not have posted on social media about her mission, she'd just have texted or told him.

I also think yes they may be communicating otherwise but I'm sure he communicates with male friends too. He may just want multiple copies of the article and is a bit embarrassed by it, or she offered and he said yes, whatever, I wouldn't be too concerned.

BoxingHelena · 16/01/2017 15:58

I totally disagree Bluntness100
weather she has something going on, or she just wants to, and weather he is ok with it, or sucks it up... she feel entitled to post on his FB quite obvious messages.
The question should be to OP, why doesn't she feels she can if she wants to?

I would ghost, OP. Let the twitting going on out of your sight

user1483804139 · 16/01/2017 16:06

Sounds dodgy to me. I had a so called friend who always flirted with my dh. They played games online etc. When we separated for a while she was straight there, shagging him

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/01/2017 16:14

There's a lot to be said for gut feeling imo. Might it be time for an exclusivity chat? Not necessarily a relationship, but certainly exclusive.

Huskylover1 · 16/01/2017 16:21

He's inviting another woman out to join him abroad? Hell no.

Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 16:40

I know but if they really are just friends is it any different to him inviting a guy or one of the lads over for the weekend? She didn't go if that means anything?

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Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 16:42

Everythingeverywhere1234, we have has the exclusivity chat are we are meant to be in an exclusive relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 16:43

That's meant to say and we are meant to be in an exclusive relationship not are

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 16/01/2017 16:43

Def not a relative???

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/01/2017 16:46

Oh I see. Well. Then I guess you have two options;
Ignore it and hope for the best
Ask him about it and just see what he says

I would argue inviting another woman abroad to see him is different to inviting a male friend, but I know not everyone sees it the same way

SleepFreeZone · 16/01/2017 16:48

I would say that she thinks he is her boyfriend too. Has he got you as his girlfriend on Facebook?

Surreyblah · 16/01/2017 16:52

"I want to say I love you", "hope this lasts forever", "never though would find love again" and "could be the one" is bleugh IMO and very likely to be insincere bullshit. Especially for someone who has been in a LT relationship.

Think this OW is likely to be a potential or actual GF, especially if he didn't mention meeting up with her when abroad to you.

Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 17:05

Ilove, no def not a relative, we've talked about family and stuff and there is never any mention of her.

Sleepfree, he doesn't have any relationship info on Facebook, neither do I, hers is as single

Not sure if the invite abroad was a off the hook remark that he knew she wouldn't accept or act on?

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Kittencatkins123 · 16/01/2017 17:09

IMO the 'come out to WHEREVER HE WAS' might be a bit flirty but it's pretty borderline - it's not like she would have actually done it and he obvs knew that! Also it's the kind of thing you might post if bored - and slightly reads as a bit of a 'humblebrag' i.e. he's more boasting about being abroad.

Would you say he likes having his ego massaged/likes a bit of flirty - but open and out there, not hidden/secret - chat/having female attention but wouldn't actually go there with anyone? Not that I don't think it's slightly twattish behaviour but some people have these kind of flirty but platonic friendships?

How often do they hang out and has he ever mentioned her to you?

Do you have anyone similar in your life that you post what could be construed as flirty (but aren't) tweets/texts/emails etc to?

Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 17:48

Kittencatkins, yeah I agree about the come out here comment.

He isn't necessarily the flirty type but is the type that will talk to anyone, even when we go out and he's at the bar getting drinks or something he will chat to the person next to him regardless to who it is, male or female.

He's mentioned her once, he was laughing at something on his phone and I said what's so funny and he showed me and it was something on her Twitter, I didn't say anything at the time as then I didn't think anything of it, it's only when I went back and looked at her Twitter That I realised how much they spoke on there. I'm not on Twitter so don't think he realises I know but she has an open profile so I can see it all.

As far as I know he has seen her once in the time I've been with him but he didn't tell me, I only know this from Twitter.At the time when I asked him about his day he referred to the person he had been out with as a 'he' but didn't really say much at all. I didn't realise until later on he had been out with her, I remember he had gone to a particular event and on her Twitter it said great day at.......... With him. I haven't said anything as he doesn't know I can see her Twitter and think maybe he went with a male friend and she happened to be there , they do have the same hobby so it's not impossible.

No there isn't a anyone I have a similar relationship with, I rarely go on social media and when I do it's only to plug my business, I never comment on or like things.

OP posts:
Original poster
BWF1 · 16/01/2017 17:57

He can't see her that often as I've be seeing him 5 nights a week and we message and talk the other 2 nights, he's never given me suspicion to think he is upto no good the two nights I don't see and sometimes will say on a night we aren't together that he misses me and to come round or can he come round and she lives too far away for him to be seeing us both regularly.

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Kittencatkins123 · 16/01/2017 18:29

Hmmm. The lying about hanging out with her isn't ideal. How early on was this? Was it something to do with the hobby? Is there any evidence the guy he mentioned was there too? (Not that I want to suggest looking at another Facebook and anyway he may very well not have posted about it)

How would you feel in the scenario that something happened:
A) before you got on the scene
B) Early on pre exclusive chat but nothing since

It's so tricky as in order to confront, you need to admit to the social stalking! Which isn't ideal if it is actually innocent.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 16/01/2017 18:42

I'm intrigued by the concept of 'a fewstrap-on months' Startled

Oh, Jesus, just seen this. My phone hates me.

Op, the fact that he lied about seeing her really doesn't sound good. And declaring love everlasting at such an early stage would ring alarm bells with me.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 16/01/2017 19:45

He's looking dodgier and dodger. Now you're adding lying to the mix. I'm not sure he's altogether trustworthy is he? Sorry.

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