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Original poster

What is so wrong I just cant seem to 'make' friends

67 replies

idontknowwhy · 22/02/2007 22:45

I have name changed. i am not a troll. ive been a member for 3yrs.

i have a cpl of friends, one i met from netmums when we were preg with our first and one from postnatal group i went to.

apart form that, all i have is acquiantances (sp?)

what is it about me?

i am friendly, have two kids, (both go to preschool, and i am on the commitee)

i met a lady form netmums a while back, seemed to go really well, mailed each other, but nothing since.

what is it?

please help.

i have just started being a part time (instead of full time) worker, and now with the kids loads and dont seem to have any friends........

thanks

xxx

OP posts:
ihatethegym · 15/04/2007 08:27

I too live in Herts and find it tricky/difficult to make new friends. Seriously, would anyone else like to meet up? It is not a huge county - I'm sure we could meet up somewhere. I live near St Albans. I'm a normal (ish!) SAHM with two daughters. Sometimes feel very lonely and really do find it difficult to make friends. Any takers!!

EHM · 15/04/2007 08:32

ihatethegym I am in St Albans always up for a cuppa dd nearly 11 months. I've already asked dontknowwhy if she would like to meet for a cuppa didn't get a response

ihatethegym · 15/04/2007 10:14

EHM - would love to meet up if you would like to! My daughters are 9.5 months and 4.25 years.

bananabump · 15/04/2007 10:48

You're so not alone in feeling er...alone.

Situation slightly different here as I haven't had my baby yet, but I'm the first one in my circle of friends to do so. It's taken years to get close to these friends, and we all know each other really well, but already I can feel the pregnancy dividing us slightly because I can't drink (we all met in uni as art students and drank like fishes) I get tired halfway through shopping, and I rattle on about the baby in a way which must bore them silly.

I don't know anyone with kids or babies apart from my sister and hers are 15 and 11. I'm quite scared of meeting mums or other pregnant women as I feel like a bit of a fake at the moment. I have this stupid vision of all Mums being these ultra organised people who care what cars their neighbours have and already host coffee mornings.

I'm starting antenatal classes soon but I don't know what to expect in terms of the people who would attend, and I'm seriously crap at approaching anybody. My temp job just finished but before it did, I met another pregnant lady in the lift who I happened to know was due in august too, so I tried to start up a conversation about it and she gave me such a filthy look as if I'd farted instead of spoke! Don't know what her problem was but that's the response I'm scared of getting whoever I speak to!

I just want to meet someone normal -with flaws!- who doesn't own a showhome, who doesn't know everything about parenting and who I can have a laugh and a chat with while the babies potter around together a bit. Is it possible? Or should I try to encourage my childless friends to all get pregnant?

EHM · 15/04/2007 18:30

ihatethegym email me on [email protected] & we could arrange to meet

MuffinMclay · 15/04/2007 20:22

I'm in Herts too, and also know very few people and don't find it easy to make proper friends. I lived in St Albans until a year ago (and go back there quite regularly), but I'm near Hitchin now. There've been quite a few Herts meetups, but I've always chickened out of going along. I find big groups of people really intimidating, but a small meet-up would be really nice.

I've got one ds, just coming up to 12 months.

Londonmamma · 15/04/2007 20:29

Kaz33 had a good suggestion. Mums are DESPERATE for someone to take the kids for a bit. I've got too many friends because I do that too much and they love me for it - you can have some of mine. I'm sure you are a really lovely person. Appear more confident than you feel, invite people - some will say yes, some will say no. I was really hurt as a new mum when I thought I'd found someone I clicked with and she COMPLETELY dropped me, no warning, no explanation.

Malaleche · 15/04/2007 21:23

This is so strange - I was going to post tonight asking if anyone else felt like they were less confident the older they got and I feel just like all those who have posted on this thread who feel like the OP. I know what you mean OP when you say you feel like a stalker - I feel like my desperation shows! Why is it so hard to talk to people?

EHM · 15/04/2007 22:30

muffinmclay If you want to meet for a cuppa when you are next on St Albans let me know

MuffinMclay · 16/04/2007 09:46

EHM - thanks, that would be nice. I don't think I could get over this week, but any time next week onwards (except Thurs and Fri mornings) is fine.

EHM · 16/04/2007 15:24

muffinMcklay How about either Mon or Tues, morning or afternoon what suits you best? You can either email me if its easier, address below

EHM · 16/04/2007 15:25

sorry mis splet your name muffinmclay

madamez · 16/04/2007 22:17

It is tricky, I really think it's the same for nearly everyone. I suppose some people get lucky-ish and have several friends who all get PG at around the same time as them, or make good friends with people in ante-natal classes and sustain those friendships for a while but for a lot of us, the whole new world post-parenthood can seem a bit empty of friends. Probably because nearly everyone was used, before having DCs, to adult company most days by going to work, for one thing. Also, if you're a bit different to other mums at the first toddler group you try (much older/younger, the only SAHM or the only WOHM, the only one who doesn't eat meat or whatever) you can feel very isolated. I would say that it your'e looking for adult company for yourself rather than just other mums to go to the park with, look among people who you share an interest with so at least you've something to talk about ie take up a class/hobby, something like that.
Good luck.

MuffinMclay · 17/04/2007 13:44

EHM Mornings work better for me in terms of ds's naptimes (likes to sleep 1.30ish but won't sleep in the car or pushchair) and the traffic (M1 in the afternoons is awful). Either day would be fine. I can only do a provisional 'yes' - I'm without a functioning pushchair at the moment, but should have that problem sorted out by the weekend.
It would be nice if a few other of the St Albans people could join us.

Feel free to email me, muffinmclay at btinternet dot com (real name Emma)

MuffinMclay · 17/04/2007 13:48

Madamez - so true. At my local M&T group I'm the only first-timer and the only one who doesn't ride horses. I felt like a spare part, and stopped going.

lou200 · 11/06/2007 23:26

It's nice to read through these posts and realise I'm not the only one - in my nct group three of the girls just gelled instantly, and I just seemed to have nothing in common with them and felt a bit left out and questioned my normalness/sociability plus I found it really tough to make meets at cafes as I was (the only one) breastfeeding and found it difficult for my little one to latch on comfortably when very little so I just didn't enjoy it. Little girl is five months today and we would both love to have some mates to giggle with - we're in Hitchin if anyone's nearby?

hazygirl · 12/06/2007 06:03

i am glad not the only one who feels lonely i always had the children to run after and partner and suddenly two of them left home and my stroppy teenager is never here she starts colledge in september . i am lucky i c my wonderful granddaugters every day but i work weekends and nights so it makes it worse.

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