Sister cut me out of her life over baby shower

[Quarksoundslikequack]

So me and my sister haven't had the best relationship over the past 26 years, however after the end of a relationship with my ex.....she somewhat rescued me....the last month or so we've been getting on absolutely amazingly, making plans together the lot!


However, she messaged today because she wanted to see who was arranging my baby shower then which I replied to say she could if she wanted too...she was genuinely excited...then I mentioned not doing it due to my sister in law being there too and they don't get on.

However trying to make sure things didn't kick off, they did!

She's gone mad, told me how she no longer wants to be a part of my life or any of our families lives, solely because ive chosen my sister in law over her??!! I didn't, I just said I'd prefer not to have one simply so there weren't issues and she's gone mad.

Being rejected by my ex hit me hard.....being rejected by my sister too is all the more harder.

[Earlgreywithmilk]

Your sister sounds like a brat. If she has ballsed up relations with your brother and sil by ringing him and stating clearly that she doesn't like his wife (who does that?) - and now she's too embarrassed to face her that's her hard cheese.
Tell her you are happy for her to organize your baby shower if she really wants to but that you will deffo be inviting your sil and then outline the reasons above why you like your Sil. She sounds jealous of your relationship,with ur sil.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

I think you're dawned if you do and you're dsmned if you don't!

I think if you let your sister go ahead with the shower she will no doubt find something to fall out with you about over it. Best to stay away from it altogether.

Bloody hate baby showers anyway.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

Sorry I really should check before posting!

[Earlgreywithmilk]

Just read the texts which prove how immature she is. At that point after ur initial text (if she cared so much about it) she would've come back with "don't worry, il put up with being in the same room as her for a few hours - it's not about me after all" ! The problem is your sisters selfish personality obviously.

[Butterymuffin]

Ah, so it's your sister who's the argumentative one who's always kicking off. She was bound to do this at some point. Leave it.

[KateAdiesEarrings]

I understand where you're coming from but I think it's partly a misunderstanding. You assumed your DSIS would kick off and she felt she had nowhere to go after that. There might have been a better way to manage it eg one shower for relatives and another for friends so DSIS and DSIL didn't have to mix.

[Quarksoundslikequack]

She's cut me out of her life told me the decision to do so wasn't "personal" to me.

Then she proceeded to tell me how I don't understand why she's so angry.

She's always hated me and SIL getting on, I didn't tell DB or SIL me and DS were talking because I didn't want any issues.

I know it's probably hard to believe why a person would randomly ring my DB to say she doesn't like his wife but honestly, my sister didn't invite SIL to an event with them all, which would normally have warranted an invite, brother rang mum to ask why not, whilst DS was there and took the phone and told him why...because she decided she was hard to get on with and didn't like her.....nothing had happened prior to this.

I made contact to find out what had happened and sister decided to then tell me why she doesn't like my wife either she goes on major kick offs where she will wipe absolutely everyone out of her life.

Some of the stories she's told me as to why she doesn't like her DH's family are crazy! I wouldn't fall out with people over the things she has.

[sparechange]

OP, have you posted before about your ex wife and an ex boyfriend getting together to bitch about you?

[KurriKurri]

Yep - she's put you in a really horrible position, whatever you chose someone would be upset. You are right she should have sucked it up with SIL and just been civil to her for the duration of the baby shower.
I'd leave her to cool off, be friendly with her if she gets in touch, let her calm down and see if she comes round.
But make it clear (as you have done) that you're not going to ditch SIL just because DSIS doesn't like her.

(I had similar with 2 friends one of whom hated the other one, sadly I lost the hating friend because she couldn't accept I wasn't going to ditch someone I liked on her say so. That's the way it goes sometimes, but you are doing the right thing, SIL has done nothing wrong here)

Congratulations on your pregnancy

[Earlgreywithmilk]

Does she always look for reasons to kick off and then cut people out of her life? could you have a really honest conversation with her, reassure her that you love her and want her to be part of you and ur baby's life but point out this thing she does and show her all the examples you have outlined. Maybe she doesn't realise that she is the problem and needs it gently pointing out.

[ClaryIsTheBest]

That's awful.

However, I (may have misread) why did you even tell her she could do the baby shower only to tell her you decided to not have one? Maybe she was super excited to share this with you.

Or did I misunderstand the issue?

It just seems really thoughtless of you. I'm not saying her actions sound fine. It just seems like you really walked into that one. Does she have mental health issues?

[ClaryIsTheBest]

If I misunderstood you then I'm sorry, btw.

[Bauble16]

I don't get why ppl assumed you was wrong even without further posts tbh. Your sister is a drama queen and very impulsive.

[ClaryIsTheBest]

wanted to see who was arranging my baby shower then which I replied to say she could if she wanted too...she was genuinely excited...then I mentioned not doing it due to my sister in law being there too and they don't get on.

I mean why not... I'm sorry, but I don't want a baby shower?

[AcrossthePond55]

Honestly, she doesn't seem like someone you could rely on if it comes right down to it. What does she add to your life?

I think you're better off 'sticking' with your SiL and letting your Sis do her own thing.

[BlueberryGateaux]

Leave her to it.

[Quarksoundslikequack]

I said she could do it because I wanted her too, then my mum sent me a list of potential people and my SIL name was on it & I remembered the issues it would cause.

My sister is the type of person if I sent a list of the names of people to invite with SIL on there, she'd have kicked off either way

[Aquamarine1029]

Your sister is a control freak and a proper asshole. Let her stew in her ridiculous hissy fit. What a jerk.

[ClaryIsTheBest]

Ah... sorry. That's really a lose-lose situation. I'm sorry for your loss of that relationship.

[PickAChew]

Am I right in thinking that your sister is no reminding you why you drifted apart in the first place?

It's sad that your relationship with her has imploded again, so quickly, but don't go bending over backwards to appease her because she's made it clear that she's only interested in a relationship with you if it's completely on her terms. Leave her to her little strop.

[PickAChew]

NOW reminding...

[Gooseberryfools]

Can't you just invite both and hope they behave?

[Quarksoundslikequack]

It's upsetting because after so short time of being back in each others lives, I told her I'd be upset if we broke contact yet again.

She agreed and now has gone back on everything she's said.

She is controlling, really badly....she falls out with my mum regularly if my mum doesn't do or say things she tells her too.

My brother doesn't like her, my dads family can't stand her, people I've met have always said "your sister is a bit...." not wanting to finish the sentence in case they offend me.

A friend of the family said they prefer me to her because my sister has an opinion on everything.

When I went to hers after being told I need to move out of my home soon, I was upset having a chat with her about it, you know just a general moan...didn't ask her to do anything yet she started texting our dad to ask what he's playing at.

Luckily my dad doesn't hold grudges and didn't give me shit for it.

It's difficult because the only way to get on with her long term is by doing as she says.

Her and her best friend fell out last year, me and said ex best friend are still very much friends, so obviously would invite her to baby shower, however I knew raising the SIL bit would kick the situation off enough.

[Quarksoundslikequack]

Well, DSIS isn't coming now at all. She's blocked me and told me that she doesn't want to be a part of my life or any of our families lives for that matter.

She's cut all of us off.

She won't be in contact, she caused an argument a year or so ago & only got in contact because she heard what my ex had done so messaged me and we met up.

However, we probably only speak max 6 mobtbs out of every 2 years yet that's sporadic

[ohfourfoxache]

Fuck it, let her stew. She sounds absolutely pathetic tbh