I have met someone at University, we're both 19 and have been together for a year. I met him in halls so for the first 9 months we were living together. I am deeply in love with him, and I know he loves me too.
He comes from South India, where he lived for the first 8 years of his life before his family moved to the UK for work and education reasons. They have since moved back due to the ill health of my partner's Grandmother, but his parents were always planning to move back as they really belong in India. That's where they're currently living although they come back and forth at present to sort out the move.
They are very conservative, the mother especially. His father is less so. I am very in the dark about how they really feel about me - it's not something my partner really discusses with them for avoidance of confrontation (which has become especially important to him since his Grandmother's illness) - so I apologise for lack of real detail.
His mother hates him being in a relationship full stop. My partner has a twin, and he also has a girlfriend, but she is Indian. His mother doesn't want to know about her either. His Mum has told him something along the lines of if he doesn't marry an Indian she wants nothing to do with him (I think this is when he first told her he has a girlfriend though so may have been very heated once she found out that on top of that I'm white). His Dad has said that "it must be a good thing if [I] make [my partner] happy". His Dad once said something about having me over for dinner, his Mum doesn't even want to set eyes on me.
My partner recently went back to India to see his family. When he went he refused to skype me apart from on Christmas day where he said he had to go after 15 minutes. He wouldn't skype me in fear of upsetting his Mum.
I don't know what to do, I feel very in the dark about this and completely out of my comfort zone. We make each other so, so happy. I would like to move in with him next year, but being at University means his parents will be paying part of the rent and so the decision is really up to them. I know when my partner asks the answer will be no.
Sometimes I get very worried about what our future holds. I love him, really love him, and I can see a future with him, but I'm unsure as to if and how a relationship can flourish if his parents are going to do everything in their power to stop that.
He is a very loyal son. His parents sacrificed a lot for him to have a good life, and he knows that. The last thing he wants to do is upset them. They are ultimately his priority. I've asked him "if they told you right now to dump me, would you?" and his answer was "Right now? No". But what if when we finish university they tell him, what if they force him into it? I feel scared. I know nothing about how Indian parents see relationships - it's an alien way of thinking to someone who's grown up in a very western world.
His parents were an arranged marriage, my Dad was divorced when he met my Mum and they married after 4 years of courting. His Mum won't look at me, my parents let him sleep in my bed when we visit them. His Mum wants him to marry an Indian girl, my parents would be happy if I married an Indian girl, black man, or non-binary albino as long as there's love. We're from different worlds.
All I know is this:
We love each other.
I guess I'm posting because I don't know if anyone has any experience with this. I want his Mum to meet me, talk to me about my plans in life and maybe try and see me as being good for him. Both myself and my partner have equally high career ambitions and put our studies first, I want him to succeed more equally as much as I want myself to and support him all the time in doing that. I get him food and cook him healthy meals when he's snowed under with work. I clean his flat and get him medicine when he's ill. I hold him when he cries. I don't want some cultural barriers (that, may I add, my partner does not agree with.. it's only his mother) to tarnish a beautiful relationship. How much do I push this? It's stressful for him to be torn, do I cave to his mother's wishes to help him or do I stand up for us? Will this get better? How long? I would LOVE to meet his parents and talk to his Mum about spices, his Dad about recent technology developments. I'd love to help his Mum in the kitchen and play cards with his father. How do I show them as being worthy for their son? Will that ever happen?
I feel so helpless. Am I being silly?