Is giving your husband space a good thing?

[user1483460452]

H wants some space to decide if he wants to end our 16 yr marriage. I have to just wait and see what he decides for my future. Should I wait? Is this delaying the inevitable?

It's a twist on the old 'cheaters scrip' line.
I love you but I'm not IN love with you!
He has someone else lined up so please prepare yourself.
Do NOT do the 'pick me' dance.
Let him pack his stuff up and leave.
For the next week you need to detach.
Going to the gym is a great release for you.
Walking the dog etc...
Keep busy, keep out of his way.
Stay out as much as possible.
Go out with friends.
Tell people what is happening to make it real to you.

Thank you for all of your advice, I know you are all right but I don't want it to end...I know I have to wake up and smell the roses. Got to pull myself together for work now. Cheers

You might not want it to end but unfortunately, he does.
It sucks.
It's shit.
It's a horrible time.
Look after yourself though.

He wants his space? Bloody give it to him. Meanwhile, you go make yourself look and feel awesome. Get that new haircut, treat yourself to a pamper session, take up that hobby, go and grab that bottle of wine and see your best friend. Distract and value yourself. Be the unobtainable girl.
And of course, no contact. Worst case, yes he walks away but you are filling his void with things you love and enjoy.

If he wants space.
I'd give it to him by the shed load.
I agree with sleeping tiger, there's lots of opportunities in a relationship for some down time.

He wants out.

Show him the door.
Don't waste your time on someone not 101 per cent committed.
Life's way too short.
If he's meant to be with you , he'll come fighting back desperate to fill the man sized gap he's created in your life and he can hope you haven't plugged it with someone else whose idea of space is the pair of you sat outside on a warm summers evening gazing at the stars together.

I'd stick a rocket up his arse and help him on his way!

Please be strong and don't be walked over.

My dh announced he was struggling with our marriage and needed space. He had found a flat to move into and paid a £2k deposit. I spent a couple of weeks on this board reading relationship threads . Then I (secretly) checked his phone and iPad to look for traces of ow. There wasn't one.

I got my ducks in a row and paid for an hour with a solicitor. I told him that if he left I would divorce him and any doubts he had he was to talk to me about and we would resolve them together. Inside I was dying thinking he was going to leave me. He didn't move out - although we lost the £2k - he started to talk and brought up things I had done since the birth of dd2 and I explained what I had been thinking and he explained how it had made him feel. We had lots of uncomfortable but honest conversations.

18 months on and things are better - but not yet perfect. We are working on that.i feel sad that I don't trust him 100% to not pull this stunt again but in terms of actions he does more housework, engages more with the kids, has a new job, and more affectionate so I can see he is happier. (I hadn't really noticed he was unhappy but now can see the difference.)

I could waffle on for ages but I just wanted to say that my instinct had been to do the 'pick me' dance but the wise women on these boards always say don't do it. By being strong and taking control I got things back on track. If he had turned around and left I would probably have been better off without him and avoided a lot of painful dithering and demeaning 'pick me' dance.

Agree with Johnny

100 per cent and I hope it continues to get even better

My friend's DH did something similar but she took control by telling him that if he left, it was over. She would not sit around waiting for him. Once he had closed the door, it was closed for good.
He obviously wanted to keep his options open in case it didn't work out, but she removed that choice. In the end he decided to stay and they are still together and now very happy.
I was very proud of her at the time and delighted that it worked out for them in the end.

I shall keep reading over all your posts when I wobble to strengthen me again x

Thank you everyone. I shall be back in touch soon to update you. Then when I get out the other side with or without him I hope I can return to MN and help someone else.

"He who cares the least has the most power"

Right now ... that's your DH.

It's obvious he has another woman on the go.
If you let him dictate what happens he will go back and forth between you and the OW.
Don't be a door mat.

Whether you like to believe it or not the only way forward for you is to tell him to move out and start thinking about a future without him.

No one has advised op to protect finances.
Make photocopies
Check where the money is going

Just in case!

Will take some initial divorce advice. Thank you guys x