Does the guilt ever go?

[WynterBlossom]

Hey, so you all probably know me by now & probably hugely bored of me and my story! I don't blame you....however I come on here for the upfront and honest answers.

Anyways now I've established I am probably a nause to most on here, here's my issue!

Every time I do anything for my unborn baby, either buy things, go to appointments or anything solely to do with him. I leave crying because I feel nothing but guilt that his father isn't there to share it & wont be there when he's born & will miss all his "firsts" & milestones.

Will this feeling ease over time??

His father left 8 weeks ago Thursday, haven't heard from him since, he put all the apps and times in his phone so is fully aware but just never turned up, yet I'm the one left feeling guilty to my baby that his dad is a wanker!

Please please tell me il stop feeling like this, I can't cope with it

Mysinkingheart, been feeling positive about certain things & able to keep a smile on my face longer than a day however been feeling a bit deflated wondering how someone can cry over seeing a scan to not wanting anything to do with either me or his son...I guess it's something I won't ever understand as there would be no way if I was a guy, that I could leave my pregnant ex gf & just move on and have a new life with another woman pretending neither ever existed!

Any who, life's not the fairytale I thought it was, it's a shame it took me to get into this situation to realise this.

Gunner, how have you coped with both relationships breaking down??
I'm scared to ever meet someone new and continue my life with them in case they leave me too! I don't want ANOTHER child from a broken family.

I also feel I couldn't ever trust a man again as I was pretty hormonal & explained this to my ex to warn him, he promised me he wouldn't walk so easily....well he practically jogged away! I guess I believe if a man can leave a pregnant gf, he can leave in ANY situation.

This has given me a huge negative wake up call that actually I was delusional to believe I was the one, the exception that he'd finally change & settle with me...that carrying his child meant there was even less chance hed leave me.....how fucking stupid was I! I now know if a man is a prick, he always will be, me nor anyone else could charge him.

Sad really, I feel at 26, I now have no hope....my outlook on relationships actually turned negative when he left....he ruined it for me

Oh wynter you're so young you have time to meet someone special and there are kind people out there, honestly.

I think first of all you have an amazing chance here to draw a line under any rescuing on your part. It does sound by your last message that you believed he would change and that sounds like an attempted rescue to me. Apologies if I've got that wrong...but if that rings true you can get loads of info on the Internet about it. If you learn why you might have that tendency and come to see through it in counselling other whatever works then you'll simple not be attracted to damaging people anymore. And even if you are out of habit, you'll learn to see through it and walk away in time.

I'm not in any way saying that this somehow makes you responsible for anything of this. His behaviour is still unacceptable and immature whatever his reasons or you're unsuspecting nature.

Moving on from rescuing has been the best thing that could happen to me and for my DS and it's very empowering general, as I had some (very one-sided) friendships that were as draining as hell. Without all that extra emotional weight I can't tell you how much better you feel, emotionally and physically.

I hope that makes sense and that I'm not way off the mark about rescuing. But if it does ring a bell then take heart you can do it!

Oh and you are absolutely right about stopping trying to understand him. All that energy needs to go into making sure it doesn't happen again so working on protecting yourself. It's a trap that stops you going forward. So focus on his actions only if you want my advice. Keep it that simple for your own peace of mind x