Crude talk

[transitpan]

I'm in a fairly new relationship of five months, we were saying our goodbyes this morning until we see each other again.

We haven't had sex this weekend as he had his family round.

On parting he said 'I can't wait until I see you next, so I can ruin you'

My face was and I asked if he'd got that phrase from one of his friends who sleeps around. He replied with 'no that's from my own repertoire'

Things were going ok until now, but that's creeped me out a little bit but I don't know why.

Is this is a reasonable thing to say, FYI I've only had one previous relationship which was very long term so I'm new to the dating scene.

I didn't like him after your first post and I like him even less now. I'd dump. By text. Immediately.

you're right op

its horrible

Move along now

The alarm bells are a-ringin'

I'd say it's time to move on. The ruin you comment meh, wouldn't particularly worry me (both me and oh have been crude at times) but you are perfectly entitled to be upset by it. However,coupled with the other stuff...especially the "playing hard to get" comment? Run!

Personally, I'd like that. Quite common in my experience and far from crude. I've said similar. The other things however would give cause for concern. How is he generally with other people?

Next he'll be offering to "smash your back doors in"

Dicks like this usually reveal themselves early on. Many women choose to not take notice. Don't be one of them.

As to drip feed again....sorry!

I did try and end it before Christmas but he got all weepy and said how much he loves me and how he thought we had a future.

I felt bad and caved.

I feel stupid reading this back now, it seems so obvious written down

God someone hand me a grip please

Just tell him to fuck off when he turns the waterworks on

The guy is a nob

He's a great family guy, he's been hurt in the past.

He does have nice qualities but I'm struggling to think what they are

So full circle, how do I end it (I've never done this before )

Just be honest and say we're not compatible?

Text him and tell him due to his unkind and disrespectful behaviour you don't want to continue dating him. Then delete his number.

Hey x, I have decided that this relationship is not what i am looking for and it has run it's course. Please don't contact me again as a clean cut is best for both of us.

The comment wouldn't bother me.
Him walking ahead would as would him not listening to you on bed.

Wait until he contacts you and then tell him it's not working for you, he's not what you are looking for.
If he persists tell him you do not want to be with anyone who Carey's on trying to have sex with you when you have clearly told them to stop.

I probably wouldn't be bothered by the comment, but I wasn't there and didn't hear how it was set. Ditto I can see the saying no to sex, if he was genuinely remorseful, it may be because of a previous partner who did play games and he has mistakenly carried on with odd sexual behaviour, although personally I would find this too much of a red flag I'm afraid. Ultimately it's you who gets to decide though, if something doesn't sit right, the relationship is doomed anyway so you're both wasting your time. Do what makes you happy long term.

Sorry, only read first page of thread, you tell him it's no longer working for you and wish him well, perhaps mention you feel you are not sexually compatible?

Yes this phrase is definitely along the lines of "smash your back doors in" I'm not sure that some posters on the thread are aware of the connotations.

It is utterly vile and I dumped a guy for saying the exact same thing to me. Was a shame cos he was a looker.

The rest of the things are all dumping offences too in my option op. Please get rid and work on your self esteem, this man is telling you who he is, loud and clear.

Sorry cross posted.

No need to apologise. "This is no longer working for me" is fine.

I'd be bothered by the comment, it's really grim. The rest would bother me more.

The Ruin you thing no big deal! The rest- dump him!!!

I'd also be put off by that turn of phrase and I'm not normally particularly prudish. I've only ever heard it used in a very crude way and there have been overtones of non-consuality/violence in the context.

Regardless of how he meant it any man that makes you repeatedly feel uncomfortable isn't the man for you. Go with your gut and bin him. Do it via phone (or text if necessary) if you don't feel strong enough to hold firm in person. A simple "I've really enjoyed our time together, but I'm sorry I don't see a future with you" is sufficient.

I don't like the comment and I like the other things you mention even less.

The only reason you need to not be in a relationship is not wanting to be in it. If he talked you round last time, do it a different way this time if you think it might happen again

I'm really surprised that most PPs wouldn't have an issue with that comment. Just shows how people interpret things differently. I think it's gross. At worst it's deeply disrespectful and displays a worrying attitude towards women, at best it's childish and something I would expect from a randy 15 year old showing off to his mates. Either way not something I would accept from a partner and a complete turn off.

With regards to ending things, you don't owe him a huge explanation or another chance after 5 months. A simple "I don't think we are compatible unfortunately and I just don't see a future together. I think it best to call it a day now" will suffice. Then ignore the waterworks and begging. It sounds harsh but it's like ripping off a plaster. It took me 3 attempts to break up with my bf at 21 (although that was different because he was lovely and we had been together several years). Each time I got back together out of pity and just made it worse and hurt him more. You know if it's not right so just trust your gut and get it over with.

Thanks all, will phone him en route to work tonight and keep it short and sweet.

I just hope he doesn't turn up at the house as he has 'jokingly' mentioned that before

Another red flag!