Friends :(

[hotmessmom82]

I'm 34, I am a single mum to 2 boys, work, pretty much no family, have moved all over the country until I had my sons. I am not (too) weird, find it easy to maintain a relationship but for the life of me I cannot find decent friends!

I don't know if I am missing some vital ingredient but I seem to meet people who are just on the take or end up being rather fake.

Right, I'm gonna tell you something now.

I don't FEEL lonely but I totally miss the chance to chat to people at the end of a day, to bitch and whine about my day. It helps relieve the stress (and of course, when in a relationship, is reciprocal). In my last job role last year I had colleagues who I chatted with and we moaned about the awful project we were working on - but since I went for a meal with a couple of them a few months back, do you think either of them has contacted me? Nah, course not.

I totally get the 'I've got to do all the work around arrangements'. Like I said before, I bet they've met up without me the two of them...

Anyhoo, just to maybe make you feel better y'all, I want to - not confess, because I don't feel ashamed or anything - but share what I do.

I talk to myself.

I don't mean the odd comment or anything, I mean, I have full blown conversations with myself. All the time.

I literally have no one to talk to outside of work, no one to share with, no one to vent to, no. one.

So I talk to myself.

One of these previous colleagues said about her MIL who lost her husband a couple of years ago and is living in the UK but doesn't speak English - I can't believe she talks to herself.

So I thought, wow, that just shows you, you've not been on your own ever have you, or you'd know exactly why she was doing it. Unless you're a Tibetan monk you cannot exist in a vacuum and probably? Talking to myself fills the vacuum.

You may say well Pollyanna, you've gone one step the other side of crazy. Maybe I have, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

Work's been crap today and I have no one to speak to.

Thank you for sharing Polly.
I guess at least you can guarantee some friendly, intelligent conversation that way.
I wonder, do you ever disagree with yourself, or interrupt or play devil's advocate?

Frequently... no, I don't but I do have a full conversation.

Been reading your posts with interest. I have maybe three friends, different ages and walks of life and met in different times in my life. Two of them do not live near me so we are restricted to a couple of meet ups each year and phone calls. Married to dh who loves to unwind with the tv each night and weekend!
Ds1 lives in another country, ds2 now 14 and wrapped up in his own world.
I shouldn't feel lonely but I do, I work albeit part time hours and mainly on my own, I just crave chit chat, so Pollyanna, I too chat away to myself quite often, nice to know I'm not alone(smile)

This is spooky , this is me all over..infact just made a thread about this

Thank god, thought I was going loopy!!

Im 19 and have found since Iv been pregnant most of my 'so called friends' disappeared

I have a group of friends but none of us live near each other anymore. DH and I moved away and all the school mum's are from here so they all have friends already. They all seem to know loads of people and have busy lives.

My fb is full of people socialising. I've joined mush and mummy social and nothing happens. All the mums on it are much younger than me and don't live in my area. Nothing happens on the local mn group. The one time I went along to a mush meet up I was the only one who turned up apart from the organiser. What's the point.

How disheartening Bingo.

Not so different here either. I have lots of colleagues I count as friends, but outside work, I don't have a lot of "close" friends. The ones I have, I've had for many, many years.

I had a lot of "apparent" friends when I was with my ex...but they all shut me down when we split. I've made more at the school run as a parent, but again there are some who will blank me or report back to herself telling her the kids are late etc (not true, confirmed by the head).

It's enough to make a body cynical. I've since discovered and made contact with many old schoolfriends on facebook, who I try to see as my health/child schedule allow.

You know true friends when you're at your lowest point, can't see the light or the point, and have one who'll pick up the phone and lend an ear and a word, and another who simply said "Good to hear your voice. Door's open, we have a sofa and a lot of JD", even after you've not been allowed to see them and have drifted away for 5+ years.

I'm with junebirthdaygirl from page 1 - friends from abroad living in your area can really make loyal, committed friends. One of my closest friends is Finnish, she has said numerous times that we are like family to her and her DD as their family are not here.

Feel so sad for many of you. I have lots of friends -the longest standing I have known for 55years the most recent for 3.
From school,university,work,motherhood and in retirement .
I married relatively late in life and I suppose put a lot of effort into maintaining friendships as they were like an extended family and I tried to ' get on' with the partners of those friends who had them.I am quite an open person and don't find it hard to reveal a lot of myself to someone I click with
I would add that I worked full time for 15years while raising two children so it isn't a question of having lots of free time and I have lived in 6 different areas in my life
I find email and text have made it a lot easier to maintain contact .I think I need people but I have no easy answers
DH and I have few friends as a couple though which I do regret .
Most of our friends are my friends