My DP and I have been together almost 2 years and I'm 18 weeks pg, I also have 3 older children. We had a up and down start to the relationship, a relationship that no one knew about for a year so it never affected my children.
My ex husband was emotionally abusive and continues to be difficult, so when I was free of him I spent 18 months getting the 'me' back that he'd tried to kill off. I lost weight, started going out again, had friends and hobbies. I've just lost all that hard work and myself again this year.
My DP doesn't like going out to the places I feel comfortable and after a termination of a pregnancy we had in May last year I sort of lost the will to go myself. It was easier to stay in. We're a lot more stable now in general but he has a drinking problem (always has done, a highly functional alcoholic since 16, possibly younger) that he is seeing the doctor about this week to try and combat. It sounds selfish but for two years my life has revolved around his drinking, ( had too much, had too little, hungover etc) I'm bored of it. Every time we've done anything, gone anywhere, every night when we're in. It's always been about how that's his 'identity.'
Our sex life has gone downhill massively, he doesn't ever initiate or seem bothered by it. That affects me a lot as I love sex with him and miss having the closeness that gave us. He's quite emotionally cold at times so this was the only time we felt on an even playing field. I miss feeling attractive and wanted.
He poured his remaining alcohol down the sink last night and cried because he felt so emotional about it. I've never inspired that kind of response, he just turns into a martyr if I confront him over any issues I have, there's always a reason or an excuse why it's actually my fault. Just like with my ex.
After thinking for a long time, I think I've put my finger on why this is affecting me so much atm. I used to have lots of male friends ( some FB's, but still friends) and for the 18 months after my ex they built my confidence up and gave me a reason to get out of the house. Since I became the boring fat pregnant lady, obviously this doesn't happen. I miss it, I miss my friends. I miss feeling fun, confident, attractive and wanted for my company. I don't often feel like that with my DP. So I've just kinda retreated into myself. So I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave right as he's trying to fix the problem that's blighted us for so long. Neither do I want to spend next NYE with a 6m old without one text from a friend to make me feel valued, or to let myself lose another year of the life she fought for for so long. I just don't know if I can be myself with him.