Teens/young adults contribution to household expenses?

[User38596746352]

So, two questions

1. Is it morally right to ask your teen/young adult to contribute financially to the household once they start receiving a regular income? I hear some very polarised views on this.

2. If yes they should contribute then how much?

Our situation is that I am newly divorced after 30yrs being married, the whole duration of which I was a sahm (at his insistence). I am also trying to pull myself together after a serious nervous breakdown & am receiving intensive therapy. The judge decreed a clean-break divorce so I have a house & small sum of money but it won't last forever. I receive no maintenance at all. I need to/am trying hard to overcome my terror at stepping back into the workplace after so many years out of it. I'm happy about the principle of funding myself - just finding the transition very scary as the world has moved on so much in 30yrs. The dc live with me full-time. I currently fund our lives solely from my savings. My oldest dc (19) has already been given a fund to pay for their university fees in their entirety. From Jan 1st they will also receive from their father a direct payment of £500pm. I want to be totally fair to my dc so I am asking for opinions. Should I ask for a contribution towards the bills or not and if so, how much?

Students don't pay council tax so yes the discount would apply.
Op in case you missed it,
You can claim child benefit and tax credits for the 19 year old until August 31st.

It isn't unwise to pay uni fees if one can afford to. The interest rates may vary in the future, the structure of the student loan book overall will hit a crisis when there is a realisation billions will never be paid back. For a young person like our DS we calculated that a £27k loan would most likely cost him in excess of £100k over 30 years. The only madness would be if tragedy hit and the £27k would have been written off but we can afford it and it's a calculated risk.

I don't think that dc should pay a contribution to household expenses while in full time education.

I have four teens and a lot of friends with teens, and none have taken payment out of part time jobs or maintenance.

I think this arrangement is unusual actually. I know mothers who continued to receive child maintenance until their child left university because they continued to live in the family home, and I know mothers who received 50% of maintenance to cover weekends/holidays with the other 50% being paid direct to the child for uni living expenses.

Personally I would not take any money but would expect dc to fund everything for themselves - treats, meals out, trips, clothes and so on.

Oh the Roses you would always pay far for a mortgage than you would inpaying back a student loan - that will most likely never be paid back anyway.

Glad someone else feels the same as me HappyJanuary was beginning to think I was the only one. I have teens and plenty friends/colleagues with children at University and none of them take money from maintenance or part-time jobs.

LadyPenelope68 my ds lived away when at university and we certainly didn't ask him to contribute when he came home for holidays. However, he was claiming his maintenance loan to fund his every day living including food and utility bills. If he had chosen to study at a local university and live at home I think I would have asked for a contribution for those same expenses.

I have to go out now so no time to comb through responses, I'll come back later & re-read. One quick comment I did see was 'Why no travel costs?' -Because we live in London and dc can bus to Uni. In London students have free Oyster cards for travel and so pay nothing. It's my childs preferred choice to stay in London for their degree.

AndNowItsSeven why do you imagine that a student loan might never be paid off? Or indeed that every individual will have a mortgage? Our DS probably will never have a mortgage and there is no point paying for money if one doesn't have to.

This is super cultural. From my mums side they would be horrified if you asked any child for cash, ever. From my dads English side they seem to be more flexible on this.
I personally wouldn't ask any child for money but this is only from upbringing rather than a strong reason!

Student oyster gives 30% discount, not free travel. Perfectly reasonable for them to pay this from their allowance though imo.

Presume dc has back up plan in case they don't get a place at preferred uni?

Lovely bangers - OP has already said they have a clean break agreement - in return for no spousal or child maintenance she got the house in full, mortgage free.

I would go for providing roof over their head, very basic breakfast and dinner if they were due home. They pay everything else themselves, travel, phone trips lunches in college clothes, social life etc. It's not a bad situation as at least you won't have them coming to you to top up allowance. They will learn budgeting from handling all that. And they won't be poor.

Oh The Roses the vast majority of people will never pay off the new student loans. Only very high earners will.

Indeed. £80-£100 earners will pay the most. DS will almost certainly earn that. The fact hardly anyone will pay the loans back begs the question of the numbers entering and structure of HE. Also as so few of the loans are expected to be repaid those who are paying may be hit with increased fees as the dodgy student loan balance she's becomes more evident. Our DC will likely be amongst those hardest hit.

Balance sheet.

I think you need to sit down with dc to discuss what their actual budget will be and what they think they will be spending on and what they want you to provide and you need to be clear about what you think you can provide and explain your financial circumstances to them (helps them understand the bills you incur).

£500 a month in London isnt going to fund a specular jolly lifestyle but does cover meals away from home, clothes etc.

Also, how would your ex feel about that money going to you given the divorce settlement?

If they are living at home and you need support then you should ask for a fair amount.

I don't care what other people do. But keeping a teen is expensive. If you can afford it then still take the money and put it aside. If not they are getting a much much better deal than they could if they moved out.

It teaches them to budget for bills.

As children are staying home longer and longer it's unfeasible that every parent can afford to support a fully grown adult. And those that say they wouldn't hear of asking their children obviously have enough money.

I will expect my children once at college to have a small part time job and offer a small contribution out of respect for how much it costs to run a home.

Life isn't a free ride. I don't think anyone would except them to pay like for like costs as if they lived out. But 10/20% of their take home up to an earnings limit is more than reasonable.

To many molly cuddled young adults have no idea how the world works. I actually think you are doing them a disservice to not teach them basic budgeting and contributing to their lives.

Sofa, I agree life isn't a free ride and adults should pay their fair share but a uni student is still in education and parents should pay until that ends.

Millions of adults can't manage money or don't contribute to their households, I doubt it was because they didn't pay board.

Most of the uni students I know are financially independent and living away from home. All have part time jobs. They absolutely should contribute if they want to stay at home. Particularly if the parents can't afford to keep them.

A bit different if they are living away from home though.

I think once working a contribution is definetley required , most of my friends seem to charge £50 a week if working full time and not on apprenticeship money which is next to nothing ! I wouldn't ask the 19 year old for money from the £ 500 but would be clear that to cover all travel, clothes, toiletries, books for uni etc not just pocket money !

It's not a big point to argue over but I believed that bus travel on an Oyster was totally free for students and it's tube travel that is just reduced. We live within very easy bus travel of the top 3 of dc's Uni choices.

I would have the dc find certain expenses out of their own pocket instead of asking for a contribution.

Then when they're working full time ask for a contribution if they still live with you.