Teens/young adults contribution to household expenses?

[User38596746352]

So, two questions

1. Is it morally right to ask your teen/young adult to contribute financially to the household once they start receiving a regular income? I hear some very polarised views on this.

2. If yes they should contribute then how much?

Our situation is that I am newly divorced after 30yrs being married, the whole duration of which I was a sahm (at his insistence). I am also trying to pull myself together after a serious nervous breakdown & am receiving intensive therapy. The judge decreed a clean-break divorce so I have a house & small sum of money but it won't last forever. I receive no maintenance at all. I need to/am trying hard to overcome my terror at stepping back into the workplace after so many years out of it. I'm happy about the principle of funding myself - just finding the transition very scary as the world has moved on so much in 30yrs. The dc live with me full-time. I currently fund our lives solely from my savings. My oldest dc (19) has already been given a fund to pay for their university fees in their entirety. From Jan 1st they will also receive from their father a direct payment of £500pm. I want to be totally fair to my dc so I am asking for opinions. Should I ask for a contribution towards the bills or not and if so, how much?

If they are living at home whilst at uni I don't think it is unreasonable for them to make a contribution to household cost. They would have to pay for living costs if they went away to uni.
Current housing costs for uni students is approx £450 a month and a student would have to buy food etc on top.

There is NO maintenance grant Roses £500 a month for my dc is very generous and I can see it all being spent easily. Their eyes have been agog for a while now knowing this money is coming. As a married couple, we went without all sorts through the years to save enough to give the dc a free uni education each.

I am looking into finding work but that's another thread. I hope to be funding myself with employment by the summer although I accept it will probably be minimum wage. I need to repair my shattered self-esteem first.

To me the £500 is maintence for the children so should pay for some of their costs. Presuming your are claiming job seekers or tax credits child benefit etc but guess depends on how much you have in savings if you qualify.

In a normal maintence situation you would be using the money to fund food bills clothes and everything else. The lump sum you had in savings shouldn't be used if the kids are just using it as pocket money or to pay for things for all three of you.

In say 6m time if you have used up all your savings and getting by on benefits that money will need to be used for their living costs. If the 19 y old is staying at home then he can use that to pay realistic costs. If you are on £70 per week job seekers you can't support an adult who's getting £65 a week to spend on themselves instead of bills n food.

They are only applying to local unis & will not be offered halls as they're considered 'commutable'.

I'm of a different opinion to the majority - if they have a regular income then they should be offering at least a token amount for digs. My mum took money from my grant/loan when I. Full time education and I didn't feel hard done by. I cost her money so I should contribute. It wasn't much but it was the principle. This started as soon as I left school. I don't believe adult kids should be kept- I get that I'm in the minority with this.

The £500 is only for the older dc and will be paid directly to them. When the younger child is the same age they will receive the same too.

In that case he either pays towards food and bills or he moves out. If you have found a job by then and can afford to pay all of his costs great, but if you are living on beans and toast and he's got £125 a week for down the pub that's not on either.

Local unis offer halls now irrelevant of distance.

Well, I think it seems mad that a 19yo has rent and fees paid and £500pm to spend, expects (presumably) to eat for free off his mother while she has practically no income at all.

Yes, they should make a contribution at least equal to their own food consumption and preferably a bit towards bills.

But, as they are an adult, sit down and talk through the situation and conditions to an agreement.

Btw, hope you've claimed your council tax discount and any child benefit due.

From a young person's perspective;

I'm a full time student teacher, living at home (22) in my final year. My parents have always said that while we are in full time education, we don't have to pay "keep" (rent, utilities etc.) I have a 25 year old brother who is now in full time work, and he pays some each month.

Now even though I don't have to pay anything towards my parents, I do quite often get asked to get the odd bit of shopping on my way home, usually less than £10, and even when they offer to give it me back I never accept. I also "pay my way" with doing plenty of housework and cooking.

My situation is a little different as my mum doesn't work and my dad is full time work so we at least have one full income.

I however live on my student loan with no other income, my university fees haven't been paid for, so I'm at least £30,000 in debt. If I was getting £500 from another source like your children, I'd feel like I owed something to help my mum!

And the unis we've applied to don't. We've been told clearly dc is ineligible for halls.

My parents expected me to pull my weight around the house and 1/3 of my earnings up to a max of £40, this was 25 years ago.

We'll be doing the same with our DD (but as my PIL did with the measly £15 DH had to contribute), we'll bank it separately and then when she's ready to move out she'll get it back to help her set up. She won't know that's what we'll do though so they'll be no expectations from the bank of mum and dad.

I've always had a self reliant attitude because of my lack of expectation from my parents and always know the value of money and to save. That's what we'll be instilling in DD.

The £500 the 19 year old will be receiving isn't an "income" as such. That's to cover their living/studying expenses whilst at college. I wouldn't under any circumstances take any of that money from them.

Even if they live at home your dc can still apply to Student Finance for a maintenance loan whilst at university. The £500 per month being paid to them from their father will be irrelevant to this.

Most university students will use their maintenance loan for everyday living expenses - food etc. So, once at university and in receipt of the Student Finance loan I think it is not unreasonable to ask for a contribution to the grocery bill.

I stick to the if they are in full time education they don't contribute with mine.

All students are entitled to a minimum maintenance grant. You apply through student finance and then repay the £9k pa part. That min loan is not means tested.

Lady I cover all their living expenses, there are no studying expenses, college provides all books & they have free travel.

no circumstances at all?? So the mum and younger child benefits should provide all food heating lighting, electric, water, broadband costs of oldest child even though this could mean they can't eat or hear the home sufficiently. While he has £500 for bus fair and clothes?

*heat

then by the time the second child is at uni you can use your £70 to support 3 people......

It is very unwise to give £500 a month and not claim the maintenance loan. Far better to claim the loan and give the £18k towards a house deposit.

In these circumstances I would ask for a contribution towards living costs, yes, towards food especially. The other bills will remain if you lived alone. £100pm?

Exactly what @Akire said.
There should be a contribution towards food at least.!

No travel costs to university - where do you live?

Out of interest why only local universities?

£100 a week maintenance seems to be a common amount for students to have - most people I know pay their kids accommodation costs and they live off their loan. That £100 a week has to cover food, clothes, books, clubs and societies and going out. In the first year most students live in halls so don't have travel costs or bills.

So on that basis I'd say he had to buy his own food only, and pay for any other non-accommodation expenses. That puts him on the same footing as his peers. Besides budgeting food and cooking are essential life skills.

In his second year, if he doesn't move out, then maybe he contributes a bit more. Again he's on equal footing to his peers that way.

Is that £500 your ex's decision? What does he/you expect them to do with that money?

Why aren't you getting maintenance from your ex?

I am quite confused.

Your ex isn't paying maintenance for the 16 year old. Is that a private arrangement?

Do you claim child Benefit for the 16 year old.

I think in this situation I would talk through with both DC how your household budget works.

19yo should contribute to the household. If he was living on halls he would be spending that amount or more on rent/food etc. My DS pays £90 week in rent - which be pays for using the maintenance LOAN. there are no grants any longer.

If 19 yo is living with you you won't be entitled to the 25% discount on council tax either.

Families work out their own finances but it seems at the moment that you are in an unusual situation.

A PP suggested saving that £500 (which you and your ex saved up for) to put towards a property after graduation. He could take out the maintenance LOAN - which, if he is resident with you as a non working lone parent could be substantial. (it is means tested on resident parent's income)