Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did something daft, feeling bad

54 replies

bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 13:55

I posted about DP's mum buying his underwear...well as someone else said this attitude is likely to spill out onto other areas of his life and it does...

His mum packs his bag for him when he comes here, she washes all of his clothes, irons them all and then packs them for him when he goes away (or comes here) for the weekend.

Last weekend we bought a few lagers in and watched a film, towards the end of the night we were starting to get a little drunk, I ordered a takeaway for us both.

Anyway when I get drunk I get "silly" and DP was going on about how his mum had forgotten to pack him enough pairs of socks I got a bit irritated and flicked garlic sauce onto his black jeans for a laugh...it was only meant as a joke but due to teh drink I didn't really antisipate how annoyed this would make him. Anyway he was furious, tried to wipe it off with a damp cloth and made it worse, he eventually stormed upstairs and went to bed.

I didn't think much of it at the time but the next morning he was still angry, said he's taken the incident as a piss-take directed at his mother and he wanted the jeans washing before he went home. I agreed to wash them but the stain didn't come out.

He's calmed down a bit about it now but I'm still debating whether or not to pay for the jeans or just forget about it. I'm sure he's still annoyed about it, he's been a bit "off" with me ever since but he seems to be trying to "let it go", I feel quite bad about it but not sure I should bring it up again.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 20/02/2007 14:08

Please, for the love of all things holy get RID of this child-man creature.

DetentionGrrrl · 20/02/2007 14:08

how does he break so much stuff? are you going out with Shrek?

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:09

Sorry Hunkermunker, I thought it was aimed at me.

As I said before, he's 26 but with him still living at home he acts very immature (as do I but in a totally different way!), we went out for a meal on saturday night and he admitted to me then that he was shocked when he first got with me as I didnt do everything for him like his mum does with him and his dad, he said he'd been brought up to see his dad being waited on hand and foot and it was a wake-up call when I refused to iron his stuff etc when we first got together.

He even said that it still 'confuses him' now when I make the dinner and tell him its ready forcing him to actually get up and get it as he's used to it being brought to him in his bedroom!

OP posts:
Heavenis · 20/02/2007 14:12

Maybe it's time he had a place of his own so he can grow up.

I you really prepared to stick with a 'man' that behaves in this way ?

ScottishThistle · 20/02/2007 14:13

Must be like going out with a Teenager...Freaky!

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:14

he does act a bit like shrek, he's really clumsy and heavy handed but doesnt value anything, for instance he'll see something for £200 and say "£200?? that's for nowt that..." and will sometimes buy it simply because he knows that if his money runs out he has his mum there to bail him out. He's never had to worry about bills etc so he doesnt respect sod all.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 20/02/2007 14:14

I've read several of your threads and you don't paint a very attractive picture of him - you don't even seem to like him all that much.

Why are you still with him?

hunkermunker · 20/02/2007 14:16

How is he with the children now?

Why are you still with him?

Do you love him?

Does he love you (and I mean does he demonstrate that with his actions - not just shagging - I mean the little things)?

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:18

He's quite good with the kids now, we did break up and stayed apart for a good few months...not really sure why we got back together but I'm kind of stuck in the situation now as we've booked a holiday together and layed alot of money down. Big mistake but I'm not prepared to back out now so Ill have to put up with it for a bit longer.

I have tried talking to him but he seems to have the gift of the gab, always makes me feel like its my fault etc.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 20/02/2007 14:19

There's SO much wrong with that, BS

I feel very, very sad for you.

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:19

he does do things for me when he 'feels like it', for instance my last thread about the band, going to the trouble of hiring a car etc to take me to see a band that he cant stand...

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 20/02/2007 14:21

Is he ever going to move out of living with his parents? Or is he angling to move in with you? Don't let him.

Heavenis · 20/02/2007 14:21

You'll put up with him because of a holiday you have paid out for ???

mumblechum · 20/02/2007 14:24

Let this thread be a lesson to us all to train our dss to

learn to cook

clean up after themselves

do their own laundry

not be utter knobheads

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 14:24

Why are you with him? Do you need an extra child or an adult?

Sorry but blimey, you women often put up with such arses.

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:25

when we were together the first time he wanted to move from his parents straight in with me, I told him he couldnt as he wasnt responsbile enough, would put us in a huge finantial mess...he was disapointed and I ended up thinking I was just an easy way out of his parents house for him.

Anyway this time he knows he wont be moving in with me, I'm not sure how he thinks we'll end up.

OP posts:
hunkerlemonandsugarmunker · 20/02/2007 14:25

I think he thinks he'll wear you down.

QueenEagle · 20/02/2007 14:26

It was me that made the comment about his mum buying undies will spill over into other areas of his life.

I see much of my dh in your dh. When we met he was 34 I think and had only been living in his own flat for about 3 years and he had lived at home til then. I look back and see things then that really grate with me now and I honestly believe that living at home til you are that age is not healthy. It says a lot about someone who is afraid to stand on their own two feet. dh can act like an extra child and I really resent him for it at times.

In your case I think as your dp does not yet live with you full time, I would seriously reconsider your future together otherwise things will only deteriorate imo.

itsmeNDP · 20/02/2007 14:27

bs, well done you for making it clear that you are not his next meal-ticket to easy street.

I would be dropping him like a hot stone though, if I were you.

mumto3girls · 20/02/2007 14:32

What exactly are the good points to this relationship...

You only get one life...why waste it with him?

nogoes · 20/02/2007 14:37

Once a mummy's boy always a mummy's boy.... Ditch him and find yourself a real man.

Seriously, if he is a grown adult and lets his mum buy his underwear and pack his bag then there will always be three of you in the relationship.

Original poster
bananasmoothie · 20/02/2007 14:39

Thanks for the replies. I've posted my last thread on him for today regarding something else that happened on saturday night, I promise it will be the last one!

OP posts:
NurseyJo · 20/02/2007 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

justbeme · 20/02/2007 14:55

You truly deserve better than this - and if he makes out everything is your fault - believe me he'll never change and your self esteem will just get lower and lower . (ive been there)
I went to a self esteem course at my local womens centre and it did me the power of good - put everything into perspective about what I wanted out of my relationship . Good luck .

HappyDaddy · 20/02/2007 15:06

Banana, surely the fact that you have posted three separate threads about his prickish behaviour should have alarm bells ringing!

If not, then you really need to think about what you expect from an adult relationship.

Please please please tell him to fuck off back to his mums and stay there.