Heart broken

[Clairep83]

My husband of 12 years and 2 children has just told me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore sad

That's a good thing.
He won't understand 'loss' until he has to live through it.
Stay strong in public.
Cry your eyes out when you can.
Are you eating?
It's hard.
So liquid stuff would work for now.
You being cool and calm will keep on freakish him out.
Keep it up.

Mine looked me straight in the eye, swore on my grandchildrens lives there was no one else.

The lying, cheating bloated cane toad.

Mine cried a lot too.

Suckered me right in. It made me cry I felt so sorry for him.

Give me strength!

Was all crocodile tears!

You are so strong OP, you don't deserve to be treated like this- it really sounds like he has someone waiting in the wings.

Hope you get rid of his pathetic ass and can carry on building an amazing life for yourself and your do.

Yep, mine cried too, swore with everything he held dear there was nobody else and that his feelings had just changed and he'd not been happy for ages (never once mentioned that, never once gave me the opportunity to change what was making him unhappy, continued telling me he loved me, having sex with me etc etc). I said the exact same thing about 'this would actually be easier for me to understand/deal with if there WAS someone else, looked me in the eye and told me "I know I'm doing a bad thing but I'd never be that bad, I'd never cheat".

And of course there was, actually makes me laugh how predictable it all was now, though at the time it was like a knife to the chest.

Paralysed - I'm not saying "all men", but I can hand on heart say that in every single case I know of (and its depressingly many) where a mans feelings have 'just changed' or he's 'just fallen out of love' there has been another woman/cheating involved. Every single time.

I hate gender essentialism and the whole 'men are this, women are that' stuff but you can't help seeing patterns.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this.

💐

Thanks for all your answers and support guys I'm struggling to eat and drink and sleep it's awful x

Try and get anything you can get down bar alcohol!

(Hello from another suddenly abandoned wife here). Smoothies, soup, toast whatever. Sleep when you can but don't stress you're not getting your hours in (I've never fully recovered my old sleeping habits). Putting your health and needs first, second and third is the way forward. Be 100% selfish.

Print out hellsbells "guide for the suddenly abandoned" - it's spot on. And remember: look after yourself- He can go to hell.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My husband of 24 years did exactly this to me on the 1st October. I was paralysed with grief. The shock was in describable. But... 3 months on. I'm getting there. I may cry a little every day but I joined a gym, see friends. I even laugh. Properly. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through but you will find your strength. Baby steps at first. But will will see glimmers of a different but good, really good life ahead. One that you choose. I had wonderful advice on here and it helped me so much. Good luck. You may not feel it now, but you have a bright future ahead of you.

Well today is the day he goes and looks at a flat feel like my heart has been ripped out and stamped on it actually hurts. No sleep again last night. Looks like another caging fix. Even a bottle of wine on a n empty stomach didn't help. I just feel I can't get through this. My children don't even realise the devestation that's going to hit and break their hearts. I feel the pain for all 3 of us. Can't cry anymore. Just shaking constantly wondering what's going to happen next my whole body wants to curl inside its self to shelter me Colton anymore hurt. I want to wake up from this nightmare xxx

I'm so sorry

What a selfish prick, this isn't a good man, who the hell walks away so easily without even trying to fight for it

He has been planning this for a while. I know the pain is unbearable, please just try and get through each day

Yep I would bet on OW too. Depressingly familiar - amazing how they all follow the same script. After 28 yeas and 2 DC mne told me at a time when it was impossible for us.to tell DC. Also said there was no one else (lied about it for 5 months) finally came out it was a sickeningly young employee of his (almost same age as our eldest DD). I almost had a breakdown but as others have said you willl get through this. Tell everyone what he has said and tell him to leave straight away, put him on the back foot in the same way that he put you. Don't let him dictate the timescale to suit him. Also they only feel guilty for a short while after that he will start to feel entitled to move on so get everything sorted that you can ASAP. Agree days for him to have DC etc otherwise he will dictate it around what suits him and his new relationship. Sounds horrible and it is but he is no longer your darling anything so you have to stop thinking of him like that and think of yourself and your DC. Sorry that you are going through this shit but you will get there. Go to see your doctor and get something to help you sleep and deal with the worst of the anxiety. No harm in having a little help in the short term to help ease the pain. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Set a reminder or a drink app on your phone reminding you to drink every hour even if it's just water.
Eating is also hard like others have said comfort foods like soup and mashed potatoes.

Watch crap on Netflix- I avoided lovey dicey stuff and watched documentaries, I also found listening to music unbearable so avoided it altogether but someone on here has made a playlist on Spotify called "now that's what I call twunts " which is full of quite empowering music.

It's hard but don't plead with him - mine loved having me crying and begging but as soon as I had my ducks in a row and mentioned I'd seen a Solictor he shit his pants.

I'm sorry to say that I would put my wages on the fact that he has someone lined up.
You might not want to find out but if you do look for a secret phone or if he has Facebook go through his profile and see who likes a lot of stuff he posts .... the ow in my life had been liking everything he posted for months in the run up to him leaving.

You will be fine it's grim ... at one point I ended up telling myself to just get through one hour at a time but it does get better.

Yep, it is actual pain.
You feel like your heart is literally breaking.
Unless you've been there you can't understand it.

I get the eating thing.
Ice lollies helped me massively.
And sugary tea.
Give that a go.
I survived for weeks on that.
Then introduced soups when I could stomach them.

Are you getting some real life support.
It's so so important.
Don't go through this alone!

Do you have somewhere you could stay for a few days ?
Take the kids and go and stay with someone -if he is leaving then the last thing you need is to be there when he goes . Get him to explain it to the children and you just be there to cuddle and console them .
As he said he's made his bed so he does have to lie in it and explain to the children.
I know it feels like your world is falling apart op but you will get through this . We will all help you but you need some rl support as well -now is the time you need a friend

Yes, the pain is real - you're not being melodramatic. This is HIS choice to inflict it on his family, so freeze him out, feign indifference and make yourself as busy as you can. In years to come, you'll be glad his cheating, lying, selfish arse has gone but right now focus on getting through the next five minutes.

I have to say, he found a flat quickly enough - suggests this is planned already.

It is shock. Totally agree with sweet tea. It was the only thing that helped me at times and I never previously had sugar.

The only way this man will come to senses is through loss. He's seems to be taking action quickly about moving out. I'm so sorry but that is suggestive of an OW. Maybe someone he has been emotionally attached to.

Do you have access to his phone records? I wouldn't normally advocate snooping but if you can find evidence it will help make you feel less victim and give anger.

Make sure you tell family - don't hide this, it isn't your fault.

I'm really sorry that you've had this dumped on you. I remember the same feelings when my ex left. He said there was nobody else, he was lying. But I disagree that it's a male thing. My husband's ex wife gave exactly the same line when she left. Within months there was a new man in her house.. A cheat can be either sex and is usually too cowardly to tell the truth.

I couldn't sleep or eat, I remember the feeling of pain. I found exotic fruit was all I could stomach, plus hot chocolate. A friend (actually my ex's mum, who was amazing) dragged me to the doctors. He gave me sleeping tablets for 10 days. It was enough to allow me to sleep at night and gather my strength. I didn't take them any longer. Be nice to yourself. Try and do nice things with the kids, even if you don't want to. Change your bedroom a bit, make it yours, change bedding colour or lamps, make it different from when he was there. Make plans, see a solicitor, work out how you'll manage. Be a step ahead. Don't let him dawdle along from month to month leaving you all in limbo, you guys come first, if he's leaving he has to face up to it and how things will be.

And yes, do tell people, let them help and be there for you. You've nothing to be ashamed of.

Update! My husband announced he has feelings for my neighbour 😱 A big fat teamp who's 10 yrs older 😱😱😱 and has had this done to her. She was my best friend and befriended me made out she was helping me through it. I know they are secretly carrying it on!!!!!

They are welcome to each other!

Yes they are

Bloody hell! What a horrible pair. How are you doing in general now that you are 4 months down the line almost?

Now is the time for him to go so you can start to make some firm decisions about what next. Thus far he's been calling the shots.

It's been 12 weeks, and the initial shock will be wearing off. It's time to get practical.

I'd hazard a guess they were carrying on from day one . She is not your friend. Don't confide in her anymore. How are you and your dc getting on day to day ?

How are you? Hopefully angry enough to do what is best for you?

You can do it.