Is it ME????

[SilkThreads]

Background:
I have mobility probs and am on crutches. Get v tired.
Am about to have a further Operation and have been unwell for 12+ years.
I have 2 dc.
In Oct I moved area. Main reason was schooling issues for dc.
However, H and I (of 15 years) had not been doing well.
He' finds life stressful' so I'd effectively single parented for years anyway.
Since they were tiny, if they played up he'd just go to bed.
He wont help with homework, he wont cook, etc etc.
Main reason for move was school but
We agreed to live separately for the foreseeable future but to co-parent children, and to share all important events for them
I have found it no harder to manage than when sharing a house with him.
I suspect he likes being a Disney Dad at weekends and leaving me to do the grunt in the week.
Issue:
So, I arranged a 3 day trip for kids as a surprise as they got no summer hols the last 3 years. It involves a long train trip, (no prob, I can sit) but then a longish day at an attraction This is the bit I am worried about. Since arranging it, I've become worried I cant manage it, physically.

I contacted my Mum. She replied that she cant manage anything before Easter. It's only 1 day, and she's not seen the kids for 4 years, but, hey...

I contacted an old friend in London. She was initially very keen, but is now saying it will be a 'nuisance' and I know that it will bring the kids down if it is obvious she doesn't want to be there (ands he will make it obvious). This is one child's Godparent,

So, today I asked H if he'd come. I hosted Xmas and he did nothing towards it, I bought and paid for it all and did all cooking etc. I thought it was nice for kids to see their Dad but it was all done by me.
I explained the circs re the trip and said I was worried I'd have to cancel (all non changeable tickets, to save money, so the trip would be 'lost') without another adult to help and that I'd asked all possible others.

He havered on about 'practical difficulties' (all of which are easily overcome). When I pointed that out, he said he thinks he'd' find it too stressful' so I am on my own with it.

FFS. Feel really let down tonight.
Am worried I will let the kids down by not being able to manage it.
I know it's my fault, as I arranged it.
But you'd think between Grandma, Godparent and their own Father, someone would lend a hand to make sure they don't miss out?

Bless you too but do have a think. I'm happy to help. I have 2 girls (I'd leave them with H) and am used to travel / day trips xx

So frustrating ... and the trouble is that when you decide just not to ask for anything any more as it is just frustrating and pointless, then that just confirms it to them that their method works.

Can you scrape together some emergency taxi money so that if it does get too much you can retreat to the hotel room and sedate the kids with TV? If you have a plan B of that kind it might reduce some of the stress.

Oh I wish I was near so I could help. I would love to help you give your beautiful kids a great day out. Please take up the lovely offer upthread.

(Your ex and mum are crap)

Bless you and hope you are ok. The offer is still there, depending on how you feel/ the date etc. (even better if I can use our car but not sure). Hope you are ok. I do not want to see a nice thing turn so hard/ stressful. x

The Harry Potter studios don't allow mobility scooters inside. I looked into it as have similar mobility problems and use a scooter for days out. We really want to go but it will be the first time the kids have seen me in a proper wheelchair which I think would put a downer on the day.

In your position I wouldn't go alone. I've spoken to people who've visited and it's a long day with a lot of walking and standing.

I hope you manage to get something sorted, life is tough enough without problems like these.

OP, could you contact HP studios again and ask them for help? To make their attraction disability friendly they might be able to assign you someone to help you during your visit. Tell them that you don't want to have to cancel your visit for lack of disabled access equipment.
Do you have Ableworld near you? I seem to remember that they rented mobility scooters for days/weeks at a time.
The tube, if you contact them, they should have someone to help you on and off the trains and there should be lifts for you.
You go on your visit, phone in advance to request support and have that amazing time with your DCs. As they grow up, they'll know who was there for them.

Cross post with Maz.
So HP expect all disabled people to have an adult to push a chair for them. I couldn't have pushed my chair round all day.
for you OP, that's really bad of them.

We have done HP before on a similar journey. We took train from Euston to Watford very easily and picked up HP bus. Depending how far you are staying from Euston (sorry don't know London well) you might be better getting a taxi to/from Euston. Studios were great and we weren't there for as long as we expected so you might find it's not as exhausting a day as you think. If you are loosing your money not to go then you'd be as well doing the trip and just leaving when you feel it's getting too much. Agree with others that it's not packed and there are plenty of places to stop and rest. Hope you all manage it and have a great time

OP, get the bus from Euston to County Hall. It will be easier and much less stressful. You can get the 91 bus from opposite Euston station (next to the church) to Trafalgar Square by the top of Whitehall, and then the 12, 453 or 159 stop right at County Hall. The bus takes you past Parliament, so quite a nice ride, and you get off the 91 at the last stop.

I would also eat at Euston - there are lots of restaurants there now, and kids less likely to be difficult if they're not hungry.

Oh, this info is all gold dust - thank you!

Yes, bus vastly pref to tube as kids wont go on that after last time...

Do I need an Oyster card or exact money or something?

I am at HP on thurs, then fri and 1/2 sat in CH before we go home.

My plan was for HP to be the 'big' bit and then for Fri /Sat am to have one of those tourist bus/river ride tickets so we can hop on/off and fart around as our energy allows.

Yy re HP not allowing mobility scooters - a bit rubbish really.

I might send some pm's and take you up on offers of help.

The thought of help from strangers makes me cry, but in a good way.x

You will need an Oyster card or a contactless bank card to pay on the bus - and you can only use one card per person, so will need something to pay for your 12 year old (unless s/he is small and could pass for under 11, in which case they can go free).

I live near County Hall, and your kids might enjoy a slow meander down the South Bank as there are lots of entertainers there, and great views of Parliament and the City of London. Lots of seats along the way as well, and a street food place for a good cheap lunch (not sure if it is there every day). The tour buses are extortionately expensive (and take hours). If you get the bus from County Hall to Parliament Square, you can get the Number 11 into the city, which pretty much covers most things on the route of the tour buses, such as St Pauls and the Tower. If you want to go on the boat, you can get a regular boat that you pay with your Oyster down to Greenwich (from County Hall) or just a few stops down the river, and see the city and Canary Wharf etc from the water (it looks quite different).

If you want to go to Oxford Street, the 159 bus from County Hall will take you all the way to Marble Arch.

Have you paid for county Hall, OP? A premier inn in Watford would cut out so much stress.
Am sorry you're in this position.

The studios are quite condensed and there are places to sit. They manage the volume of people by take by them through in groups. It wasn't too busy when I took my DC.

Can you get/ hire a walker type seat that you push along but can double as an emergency seat so you can sit to look at attractions?

I'd also try calling the studios and explaining your issues. They may be able to get you to the front of the queue in the first instance. This is the only queue, it takes about 15 minds for the 'group' to go through.

If you can manage the journey then I'm sure you could manage the studios. Although it held a high volume of people, it's very cleverly arranged so you don't feel overcrowded. I hate crowds and was very apprehensive, but I was pleasantly surprised. The only crowded bit is at the very end, the gift shop. It might be worth asking staff before if there is a way to leave and avoid this.

Yes, it's poor that no one will help support you and your children.

Yes, all accom paid for and unchangeable. don't have funds to double book the Watford / CH night or I would as that was the mistake I made I think.

Last time we were in London ds became overwhelmed outside Victoria station and just lay on the concourse. H stood and watched while I got down on my crutches to talk to ds to let him know he was quite safe ans there was all the time in the world etc. Ds is nearly 5 years older now and will cope much better I think. Better than H in fact!

The regular river boats are great - you can drinks and food on them and buy a hop on hop off ticket.

Could you get a cab from Euston to County Hall?

I have to say though me and my kids loved the butter beer at HP. It was was like liquid butterscotch angle delight!

do you know what a cab might cost? roughly? (are we yalking £25 or £100?

'yalking' - sorry!

mine love butterscotch AD so they will want some then :)

I'm glad you have offers. My 15 year old was asking after HP yesterday!

I hope you all have a fantastic time!

I would think about £25 but I don't take cabs every often, I did once when I was ill from Euston to ealing and that was £50ish a year ago and that about 3 times the journey.

I'm sure someone will know. I haven't used uber but people rave about how cheap and easy it is.

Op your husband is a total shit and you deserve better.

On the Harry Potter front, we went and took ds aged 5 with asd and learning difficulties and they were great. We took his dla letter and they let us through straight away without waiting in the queue (could you do something similar?) and when we got through to the cinema beginning bit and ds got distressed they ushered us through to wait beside the main doors (grand hall enterance!). They even gave ds lots of free badges and stuff to keep him amused!

We went everywhere by black taxi in London. Yes hugely expensive but little bit of haven for ds as no other people, just you in the taxi and easy to get about. Ds wouldn't cope with the train or tube. (I used to live in London for 26 years but moved to Norfolk where ds was born). I would beg, borrow or steal to cover taxi fares.

You sound lovely.

I have pm'd those who have offered.
even if we cant meet, the offer of help from a stranger means so much, esp in the face of indifference from H, mother etc.
Its a weekday, which doesn't help. I chose that day as I am having surgery the nextagain week. it is a repeat of some surgery last xmas which went wrong and I nearly died. I am scared this time and I wanted the kids and I to have a nice treat to take our minds off it / in case it goes wrong again.

I would make an effort to loose 13 stone in 2017 and get a divorce. What a waste of oxygen that man is

oh, but, he is taking us 8m to the station at this end, Newbrummie]
AND looking after the dog (I'd arranged kennels)
we've been living separately for work reasons since Oct, but his behaviour has got worse, so, yes, don't see us going back to 'happy' families, sadly

Can I just say as someone with chronic health problems myself I bet your health would improve if you just cut him out of your life. He's not exactly adding to it. When I left my now ex dh my sense of well being improved dramatically and it made me more able to cope with the limitations of my conditions.

Trouble is Silk and this is my New Years resolution too - whilst they are occupying head space its energy that's better spent else where. I'm totally doing my thing this year, nothing is going to get in the way of my plans and ex can take it or leave it. 4 years it's taken me to get into that position so the sooner you start the better I guess.