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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Narcissistic sister

57 replies

80schild · 25/12/2016 22:35

Well this is it really. I spent the first 25 years of my life thinking it was me that was the problem and having such huge self esteem issues because my sister was always putting me down - she told me I was lazy and not clever. Her views were endorsed by my parents who find her really funny. I have always said abuse is a big word but I realise it is definitely close. The thing that made me realise it was today - DH came away from Christmas dinner saying she is a narcissist and he definitely wouldn't say it lightly. I just feel that at last someone has seen her in her entirety. I think I just really needed to get this out. She has been such a negative influence in my life.

OP posts:

SparkleSoiree · 30/12/2016 19:58

Noncommittal, if you can afford it find yourself a specialist counsellor. I've seen mine weekly for the last year and it's transformed my life. It's been painful and traumatic with many tears and anger expressed but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now and my attitude towards being a mother is very different.

Original poster

80schild · 30/12/2016 23:24

Sparkle - you are so right. I am lucky to have DH to see through her. He has seen her at her worst and her most drunk. My mum adores her, my uncle thinks she is really funny which makes her behaviour worse .

Your situation sounds awful. I feel the urge to send a big hug and hope your son realises what is going on soon .

OP posts:

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 31/12/2016 02:23

Thank you Sparkle it's absolutely top of my list for January. We've moved and I need to actively look.

to you et al

OzzieFem · 31/12/2016 13:49

I've often thought twins must have some jealous thoughts about their sibling and not be so bound together, as often portrayed by the media. This thread has been a real eye opener!

Hope the new year brings you ggreater happiness than the past.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 31/12/2016 15:19

Yes, someone else seeing through them is a relief. That person is called an enlightened witness because they have the correct perspective to see the truth and reality of the dynamic...and validates our truth.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 31/12/2016 15:29

When people distanced themselves from my narc sister, she would simply stop talking about them, or have a one sentence dismissive excuse like she didnt have time for that anymore (in a condescending manor). Weekly dinner club used to rotate around everyones' homes (I was not a part of this). Sister was the only singleton and so was it easier to keep her place clean, or it was more convenient or some reason...it evolved into weekly dinner always at her place. Whenever a member said it was their turn to host, she'd find a reason to keep it at her place (where she sits at the head of the table as some sort of matriarch). The couples dropped away, one by one. I wonder if they all still meet up without her...would not be surprised.

mydogmymate · 31/12/2016 16:12

My story too, my sister is a cow and I've been nc for about 15 years except when there's a death in the family. Over the years she made me feel so small and inadequate that I was on the floor confidence - wise. I have been suffering from mh problems for many years & I recently heard from a family member that she said "is that still going on?" Comments like this make me glad I went nc.
I wish you luck 😜

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