Husband ruined Christmas. Again.

[sososofuckingfedup]

He has form for going into a major sulk whenever he suspects I'm trying desperately to make the day go alright. emotionally abusive
Just had yet another year of him - not joining in, sulking, moaning, going into silent mode.
This was my Christmas day.
This year I AM going to leave him.

I really admire those women who have put their children's happiness first and LTBs, before financial security.
that takes strength.

Next year will be great, without moany face spoiling it.

I know this is easier said than done, but for now,can you ignore his behaviour? Try not to let him spoil your Christmas
Detach from him. Be happy, be festive, let him see you being happy. Ignore his moods. He probably gets a kick out of behaving like this, and the atmosphere it causes in the house

Aoibhe, I have put that tactic into effect for most of the day. You are right it works. Don't feed the negative behaviour.
But now everybody has gone home and I'm really pissed off with him. I need MN's support.

Sorry to sound trite, but you've asked us why he's a dick at Christmas, said you "think" he hates your family, but have you asked him what the problem is? I utterly loathe Christmas myself for historical reasons: maybe he does too. At least try to get to the bottom of his issues before you walk away.

He sounds like my dad.
I grew up in a house like that.
I view my mother as weak for staying with an emotional abuser for 50 years.

She should have left him years ago.
Because of how he is. I have gone no contact for the last 20 years.
I miss my mum but not enough to bear seeing my twat of a dad.

MrsExpo, he has been like it from the year dot (20 years ago).
I think he gets a rise from seeing me struggling.
I've come to the conclusion that some people ar like that. They like to see the 'angst' and love people trying their utmost to 'cheer them up'.

I view my mother as weak for staying with an emotional abuser for 50 years.

omg. Really?
It's not that simple. It really isn't.

I know it isn't that simple.
But I'm on a forum and I'm not planning on writing an essay.
She has lost my brother and I because she chose to stay with our abusive dad.

Not having a go at you, Ihatethecold,
but serously, I think of the financial implications for my children.
That's why I stay.

ihatethecold,
justsaying, that a mother is very often stuck between a rock and a hard place.
She wants to leave for the sake of her children.
She wants to stay for the sake of her children.

If he is great the rest of the year and not a dick, then just ignore him this one day a year.
I can't see it's reasonable to leave someone if one day a year they are an arsehole but great for the other 364 days of the year!

Queen, believe it or not, you have hit the nail on the head.
He's fine the rest of the year.

but, come high days and holidays, he acts like a complete moron. Why should I have to put up with this?

I hate him. and I don't see why I should have to ignore this.

You hate him even though he's great the rest of the year, in your words?

if leaving is the right thing I wish you all the strength for the year ahead

Is he really good all year except cod Christmas?

He's not really great. I'm trying to justify him.

Except for*

No, not really. He's tolerable.
I think I stay with him for the financial stability.
I know, what does that say about me?

It's still no excuse for him ruining Christmas.

Rule No. 1 of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Make excuses for OH's terrible behaviour.

What's he like the rest of the year?

He's all sweetness and light when it' s jst the two of us.
but, come to think of it, anything to do with my family, he gets all moody and distant.

Excuse the number, need to change it to a name, just wanted to say I have one that's a selfish lazy arse hole all year round! Nearly 4 years together and I don't think I could handle another, but it's the same old chestnut... realy hard to leave because I love him.