Husband just said....

[troubledsoul2016]

"He'd rather spend Christmas alone than with me".... it really hurts. We've not been getting on for some time, but I'd never say that to him, I guess that's where we're different. I'm so upset

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Is there anyone else you're spending Christmas with?

I'm not surprised you're upset, anyone would be following that outburst. What did it follow? I assume you were having words for him to come out with that little gem.

Do you have dcs together?

Yes we're actually going away for Christmas with my brother and his wife. We've not been getting on all year and this morning it was over something very petty - just today's plans of when we're leaving etc. I was gobsmacked and now have to go away pretending everything is rosy!! It was so hurtful... I feel very fed up now

No DC together

I'd leave him and go alone.

I think you need to stay at home an plan your future without him.

Tell him next year and every year after that he will be!

Id be leaving him at home. There's no way I could shrug that off.

Sorry just re read its your brother, leave him at home an u go alone. Horrible comment to make.

Yep make him stay at home and you go and have Christmas with your brother

Definitely go alone. Who needs that shit in their lives?

Why would you pretend everything is rosy? He stays home. You go off for Christmas and let your family know about the impending divorce.

Tell him to stay home alone. You'll have a better time without him

I really want my marriage to work and I wouldn't be happy going knowing I'd left him
behind. I've had a year of pretending everything is rosy but it's really draining. Thank you all for reading and replying, i know what you're saying and I'd advise the same from the outside. I guess I don't feel
I have that strength of will currently to say, "see ya, I'm off!"

Sorry to hear this OP not as easy as just saying 'see ya later' - can you try and have a conversation and just agree to be civil over Christmas & then have a serious all when it's over about your future.

Pretending everything is ok doesn't fix a marriage, it makes it worse.

I guess you need to ask him whether he wants to fix things? If he does then go together, if he doesn't then go away by yourself as you can't try enough for both of you.

You want your marriage to work and that is understandable. You have been trying for a year though, and now seems like a good time to think about how much longer you are prepared to live like this. A few days apart for both of you to think what you want might be what you need.

Why worry about leaving him behind? He's told you it's what he prefers.

Call the fucker's bluff. There's still time for him to buy food in if he really means it. Why should he expect to make such a hurtful comment and not be called on it?

Go without the gwat
You'll have a much better time.

Yes, take him at his word and go off and get some TLC with your family. It will be much nicer.

If it hasn't been right for a year how long are you going to keep trying? It's just more of your life to spend being unhappy.

Do you think he really, really deep down means it?

I know you want your marriage to work, but you can't make that happen on your own. He has to want it too. If he's checked out then it's going to be a very miserable Christmas and I too think you'd be better going to your brother's alone and having some time to think with people around you who love you.

Tell him to stay at home while you go away and sort out YOUR feeling for him. Regardless of you wanting to stay or not, might jolt him in to realising he needs to do something.