Husband just said....

[troubledsoul2016]

"He'd rather spend Christmas alone than with me".... it really hurts. We've not been getting on for some time, but I'd never say that to him, I guess that's where we're different. I'm so upset

Why do you want the marriage to continue?

I'd go alone. If you've been trying to make it work for a year, you might be surprised at how relaxed you are once the pretence is dropped.

It's a shit thing for him to say though, but I think it shows you that he doesn't want to try. I'm sorry OP, try and have a good Christmas with your DB.

Off he fucks then

No kids ? Just put this marriage out of it's misery.

He's doing that thing that emotionally abusive men do - trying to ruin an event at the last minute. Does he have form for this?

I would go alone with your brother and his wife. Leave your H behind to reflect on his words. You need some space, some time apart so that you can both work out if you want to stay together or not.

While you are away from your H, try and prepare yourself for a break up so that when you get back you two can have a serious chat about where this marriage is going. Ultimately if it continues to make you unhappy, you need to walk away.

I'd let him make the decision.

Sit him down, repeat his remark to him and say "If you really feel this way about me, if you'd rather stay home than go to XX it's OK with me. Maybe the time apart would do us both good".

You have no children and I'm not sure how long you've been together, but don't fall for the Sunken Costs Fallacy.

Was it a blanket statement of how he has felt for some time, or was it a heat of the moment right now this minute because we're mid-argument I do feel like this but I could well change my mind when I've calmed down.

Sometimes words said in anger aren't meant for more than that millisecond, but then it's hard for the person who said them to back down.

Either he meant it, in which case go on your own. It would be awful to have his simmering resentment and nasty words and looks spoiling xmas with your family.

Or he didn't really mean that and lashed out cruelly. But I still think it would be wise to go without him in this instance too. He needs to be faced with the reality of what he said and see that these words mean something to you.

It sounds like he doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore but doesn't have the integrity to say so, instead he's making both your lives a misery.

You deserve better than this. If I was your brother, I'd rather you came alone than have him come too and carry on the simmering resentment.

I meant the argument... not simmering resentment again.