Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do you think there's Mr Right now ?

58 replies

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 12:26

If you're having fun, it's a mutually beneficial relationship but deep down you know it's unlikely you'll be doing the crossword together in your dotage, but you're ok with that. If you protect your assets etc too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 13:28

It would be better if he knew and if he decided to leave that he did that now rather than later, so I'm not afraid of that at all. After say 5 years it would be pretty shit.

I will have a good chat with him over the next few days, as I say there's plenty in the relationship for him, it's not one way traffic and I would never cheat or behave badly that's just not my style.

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 13:33

Good. He needs to know he's not up to muster for the long term. Might be better if you split now and both found something real.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 22/12/2016 13:33

Okay, well this;
My eldest can be a bit nasty and takes the piss out out him that he's not that intelligent in her eyes, he's good at his job and works hard
would really bother me. What a shitty attitude your eldest has.
What would also bother me is the fact that he knows your children and spends time with them. It is not in any way fair to have him in their lives if you aren't convinced of the best chance for longevity in your relationship. That's crap for them.
Also, I'd be fucking fuming if I spent time with someone with an attitude like you. Let the poor bloke go, even if he isn't 'mentally stimulating' enough for you Personally I don't get into a relationship unless i think it has legs and if the other person doesn't, fine, but you have to be honest!

lovelearning · 22/12/2016 13:33

We need a chat don't we ?

Yes Newbrummie, you do.

Whilst you are not in love with the man, he is quite possibly in love with you. You've also said that you're sacrificing your future by being with him.

Don't delay the chat.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 22/12/2016 13:37

The relationship would suit us both for now

as I say there's plenty in the relationship for him,

You really don't know that though, do you? I'm not saying that he isn't enjoying his time with you or that you are not good to him. But he may be happy with you under a completely wrong set of expectations. That's why it's so important to clarify the future.

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 13:41

We kind of have, I've not been dishonest. When he's been holding mates babies and stuff I've pointed out oh no I'm done that kind of thing and when people have got engaged I've joked never again, with a not joking look on my face.

OP posts:

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 22/12/2016 13:58

Well, you haven't. He might be putting the idea of kids and marriage out of his head cause he wants to be with you, which makes it worse to lead him on for up to 10 years!

SingingSeal · 22/12/2016 14:01

I must say I do agree with EverythingEverywhere re alot of things, especially re. your eldest sneering at him for not being intelligent . I almost feel sorry for the guy! And saying in front of mates' babies that you're done with that or pulling faces when people get engaged is not the same thing as being honest about your real thoughts and feelings ...

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 14:05

I think the truth is you're worried you can't keep him because he's younger so you're setting yourself up for the end. He might not been intellectually stimulating for you but you're worried you're not going to physically stimulating to him so you're keeping quiet and getting the sex in while you can.

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 14:14

Well if I couldn't keep him, I wouldn't be would I lol
So that makes no sense at all

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 14:19

Yet you're hesitant to set him free by telling him he's just for now...

SingingSeal · 22/12/2016 14:20

I hope its helped you, sounding it out on here Brummie, what MN is useful for, and I'm sure you'll find a way to do what makes sense and is for the best.

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 14:21

Well I'm not because as I said earlier we shall have a chat, he's at work right now not locked in the basement do it'll have to wait a few hours

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 14:24

Also, stop your eldest from being a condescending little arse.

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 14:26

That's kids for you, if you burst into tears every time they come out with a load of shite you'd be permanently upset. We just ignore, she'll say it to the wrong person and get ripped a new one or punched in the gob and learn

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 14:30

I agree. My DD used to be an absolute arse to my Ex, taking the mickey. It seemed funny and 'banter' at the time. In retrospect she was just being plain rude.

Original poster

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 14:32

I totally agree she's rude, to everyone so nobody takes it personally. I keep telling her she should write a book whilst she knows everything about everything and share it with the world. University will be very good for her. Counting the fucking days 😁

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2016 14:35

Mine is 14, and right in the middle of selfish arsehole phase

lovelearning · 22/12/2016 14:51

Counting the fucking days

Newbrummie, children learn by example.

I'm not surprised your daughter's rude.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 22/12/2016 20:42

I totally agree she's rude, to everyone so nobody takes it personally.

Really? So you know for an absolute fact that nothing she's ever said to anyone has ever hurt their feelings or made them feel bad about themselves?

She sounds like a bully. And you abet her by letting on it's no big deal.

EmeraldIsle100 · 22/12/2016 21:36

I would say that at least 50 % of people in relationships are doing what you are doing. You just have the balls to admit it. Being in a fun and mutually beneficial relationship with someone who is good with your kids and great in bed sounds just fine and actually sounds a darn sight better than a lot of utterly miserable or just plain boring relationships.

You haven't told him that you want to get married and have children and from what you say he isn't pushing it either. He is probably enjoying the here and now as much as you are.

He could leave you tomorrow, that's just the way it is.

As for posters getting on your case for have an opinionated kid well that sounds so far so normal to me.

Helloooooitsme · 22/12/2016 21:48

Ten years! What's the point in that? I can see why you might give it a go for six months but if you plan to commit yourself for ten years you may as well go the whole distance (presuming you get one well together.)

If you are settling and you are not really into him, I don't think it's fair on him to keep it going tbh.

SparklyMagpie · 23/12/2016 10:17

I'd personally let him go if he's just good for you for the time being

I think you have more important things to concentrate on. He sounds like a decent guy, it wouldn't be fair to drag out 10 years when he could be with someone who wants to settle down

Original poster

Newbrummie · 23/12/2016 10:26

The issue as I see it is the man who would be good for me may not be good for the kids, so the qualities this one has are important now but won't be particularly in years to come. He knows we are very different and he could go and be with somebody else tomorrow nothing's stopping him.

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 23/12/2016 16:32

OK I understand that because I get anxious at the thought of meeting someone and it getting serious and eventually him meeting my son. I don't want to bring up another thread, but are your children with you now? We know what your eldest thinks. But could this be a guy you COULD see being long term with? Just trying to get a bigger picture. I'd there anything else holding you back?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread