Husband had an affair after 44 years of marriage . I want to stick around for Grandchildren .

[Laylajaney]

My husband had an affair after 44years of marriage . I discovered the affair
which I think he would still be having had I not found out about it .
I would have preferred it if he disappeared with his lover but he is still here because she didn't want him in the end . I would rather stay put because my children and Grandchildren live within the area I m living in at the moment . If we sold up it would mean moving to a cheaper area miles away from here . Everyday is a challenge because I'm living with someone who really demonstrated that he didn't give any thought to my feelings and isn't the person I thought I'd been married to for all those years .
What would you do in these circumstances ?
Its been difficult to think it through because it has upset so many people apart from me .My daughter was extremely stressed by this .
As far as I'm concerned we are separated but living in the same house for practical reasons. Is this a good idea ?Do you think it will back fire on me . Any advice appreciated .

"I think some of the younger people on here imagine that you should just stay together because of your long past history"

Well I'm 31 and I think it's never too late to leave a bastard The past history is the sunken costs fallacy, as a PP (Atilla I think) said.

Definitely definitely get legal advice, OP. You may be entitled to more than 50%. And you might be able to get a ground floor flat or a small house with a garden.

It sounds as if it's been a difficult few months for the family and you've been supporting your DD which is understandable and admirable. However, you need some support yourself, too.

What AnotherEmma said.

You don't have to rush into anything op, but don't let yourself get "stuck" in a relationship that is causing you unhappiness. I know it's easy to talk about leaving, and it's much harder to do it, but I honestly think there is a happy life waiting for you if you do decide to move on.

Why can'y you make him leave? He's messed up, why should you be humiliated? He needs to have the grace to do the right thing.

Bastard, no matter how old he is. Bastard

You could get a ground floor garden flat. If your house is in a wealthy area then selling up and you buying a garden flat nearby while he moves to a cheaper area would be an option.

Many family solicitors offer a free first half hour. They get through a lot in half an hour.

Make an appt to see where you stand. Many divorce settlements include a fair share of any pensions. A solicitor will spell out to you what you can claim in your settlement. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I'm so sorry you're facing this

your H has shown no real remorse or even taken any responsibility for his actions

Where did OP post he hadn't shown any real remorse or taken responsibility for his actions? I've re-read the OP and nowhere does it indicate any of that. Let's not jump to conclusions.

OP subsequently posted that he has indeed behaved very badly. But the above poster posted before this revelation, assuming it without knowing it (OP's subsequent post has also not indicated whether he has shown any real remorse or taken any responsibility).

You're facing enough OP without comments like this pouring petrol on flames.

'I'm living with someone who demonstrated he didn't give any regard to my feelings.' - that ain't a man showing remorse.

Plus, the OP discovered the affair herself, and he won't leave because the OW doesn't want him. Safe to assume he's a remorseless bastard from what she has said.

I hope you are getting great legal advice in RL OP.

No sorry, the level of nastiness he has directed at you and his level of complete apathy would be the end for me, I'd have too much self respect to stay with the cheat, I don't care how old he is.

If he won't go, sell up, buy or rent, there's loads of options OP if you really want to do it, you are not held against your will there.

Sounds like you are both there out of convenience, nothing else, time to move on OP and enjoy your life without a constant reminder of a man who has let you down massively.