Sleeping arrangements - Trying to understand my mums POV

[biscuitty]

Hey everyone, first post here :)

I'm 21, living away from home and have been with my boyfriend for a bit over 2 years now. He's come home to meet the family multiple times and has stayed in the spare room with me (I'm officially in my bedroom, but my mum has said she doesn't mind if I sneak in to join him so long as we keep it discreet).

He's been invited to spend Christmas with the family this year, but the problem is the spare room will be taken by other relatives. I thought it would be okay for him to stay in my room (who are we kidding at this point anyway?) but my mum is adamant he must sleep on a camp bed in a different room. She says this is because she doesn't want to give my 14yo sister the wrong impression.

I feel like this situation is a bit unfair on him. At 14 I'm sure my sister is old enough to understand the difference between a long term relationship and a one night stand, and between age 14 and age 21. And I'm pretty sure she's also old enough to figure out that we share a bed when I'm not at home.

However, I don't want to waste hours trying to negotiate with my mum over something I shouldn't. So am I being unreasonable?

Of course you can technically make rules about what visiting adults may do in private in your house (no sleeping in pink pyjamas, no reading P. G. Wodehouse in bed, no flossing after 8 p.m.- your house, your rules!). But it will not exactly make you a good host and you shouldn't complain if you get a reputation for being a bit weird.

Their house, so their rules !

I also think that it is some sort of power, control issue - parent v child

However, if the parent in the future becomes ill and needs care and help and the rule is still in place. The hotel/B&B scenario becomes expensive
But you cannot put a price on a good nights sleep !

I know families that have alot of friends and family to visit and their household always seems so much more welcoming in contrast to my own family

I'm glad you're not staying over, OP.
Have a lovely Christmas!

When I have guests to stay I don't inconvenience them and they say "my house rules". Imagine having a couple to stay and forcing one onto a camp bed when there was a perfectly good bed available. It's rude and gauche and if I did that they would either decline or never come again.

I don't see that it's any different with adult children.

DM says she doesn't want to give the 14 year old the 'wrong impression', but that's precisely what she's trying to do.

The upshot is that your mum has lost out on the pleasure of you staying over at Christmas.

If my DH's parents had had that rule before we were married I simply wouldn't have stayed with them.
Sounds like a good solution OP.

Glad you are not staying over. You don't need to bring it up unless asked about it - but if it were me and another family/friend asked why we weren't staying now, I would say. I'd certainly not let mum tell people it's for another reason such as work or whatever!
I hope you have a lovely Christmas and this is just a small blip.

I love the idea of making your parents sleep in two separate camp beds.

And then patrolling the landing with a torch on an hourly basis.

My mum is religious, father not but my dp and I don't stay in the same room and won't until we marry.

Exh only stayed in my room when married.

Their house, their rules. A hotel is the other option 🙂

Wise move not staying over. I let my 17 year olds gf stay over.

Have you asked your mum if it is only when you are married that you will be able to stay in the same room as your partner? Or is there some magic age where it is ok?