Can I go home?

[breatheinskipthegym]

I'm currently on a month-long holiday with my husband and 2 DDs (2 & 4) in Melbourne. Over the past couple of years, he's lied, cheated, and generally treated me disgustingly. I'm massively unhappy and have tried to end it a few times, only to be sucked in by false promises and lip service.

He promised me this holiday would really allow him to show me what I mean to him, without all the distractions of daily life. Well, he's certainly shown me that I'm meaningless, the only parent doing any parenting, unimportant and totally ignorable. I'm basically trapped in a rented house trying to entertain 2 DDs as we are not within walking distance of anywhere, he hasn't insured me on the rental car, and has gone out, unannounced, taking the house keys with him. I don't have the words to describe how unhappy I am. The idea of continuing this until early January, when we're due to go home, is intolerable.

If I change our plane tickets and take our children home with me tomorrow, can he do anything? I have visions of him having me arrested at the airport and the children snatched away or something.

For completeness, my 4 year old has autism & is non-verbal, and we are travelling with his grown up son & girlfriend, & a sort-of employee. He booked/paid for the tickets but I know the login details and am a signatory/cardholder on his credit card that was used. Desperate to leave but scared of the repercussions.

Is the Other person you're out there with female by any chance? This all sounds very strange and that your partner is planning something! Find those passports and get the hell out of there!

I thought that straight away Acrossthepond. It sounds like a terrible holiday. In a rental house with a car you can't use. I'd be concerned that he was trying to keep you there,

He can't stop you leaving. If you had your passports of course.

My dh's best friend works at the airport. He'd definitely give you a lift because he that sort of a bloke. And he's six foot four.

It was just a thought. Naturally we don't know if it's the same OP. If it is I hope I haven't 'outed' someone who preferred not to be 'outed'.

OP, it doesn't matter who you are, you do need to figure out what you want to do for now, be it fly home now with the children or grit your teeth and power through until you can get home.

But either way, I hope this awful experience has given you clarity on the state of your marriage. If you aren't making plans to flit right now, I hope you are making plans to leave this bastard once you get home.

Sorry I looked like I abandoned the thread - couldn't find it to log back in and update!

Thank you so much for your suggestions and kind words. I'm not the PP some had mentioned.

Ultimately, I can't/couldn't leave. Even by claiming lost passports I'd need his permission, it would seem. So, I swallowed my pride and made a passable impression of not hating him. We have family friends here who we spent Christmas with and my DDs had a nice day. I don't have the passports back but ensuring he isn't ever alone with them (not difficult as he does zero parenting) and I have no concerns over the woman in our group - she's my eldest daughter'a ABA therapist and I'm certain she's absolutely no risk.

In a surprising turn of events, I found his online orders to the other woman - sex toys and lingerie! So, at an unspecified date in the new year, when we're safely home, I'll be letting him know that I'm not the idiot he's been taking me for, and ending my marriage.

Meantime, I'm safe, albeit unhappy, and getting those proverbial ducks in a row.

You poor love. I hope you can get away from this idiot without too much hassle once you're home.

What an absolutely awful situation to be in 😔
The fact he has the children's passports is so worrying. He sounds incredibly manipulative and controlling and he clearly had an idea that you'd want to leave.
What a horrid human being.
Please stay safe. Use the contacts you have through previous posters if you need to. Even a stranger that's willing to help is better than being all alone away from home in such a horrible situation.

It sounds dreadful.
I hope you get home safely and can get the hell out.

Eurgh. What a sleaze.

You sound very determined, which is good.

Thanks for posting back op. I've been wondering about you. Good luck with the period up to coming home and after. I think you are wise.

Glad you could update. Sorry it is still grim.
Does your DH have Australian nationality? Is there any chance he is planning for a different end to this so-called holiday? One where you go home alone?

Oh I'm glad you could update. Guess you just have to hold on in there. Good luck op

Make sure he can't see this thread.

This isn't super helpful from a relationship perspective but if you're housebound and worried about feeding the kids - put in an order from Coles online or Woolworths and stock up. They'll deliver up most places including holiday homes

Sex toys and lingerie. What a lucky woman she is.

OP Stay safe and hope to see you back in the uk soon.

Really sorry about this!! Assuming the OW is uk based? Do you know? If it's the case him trying to stay in Aus and keeping the kids is a low risk issue I would say.

And yes when entering the uk and usually leaving a country they will ask you for proof and I always carry a legal letter (asshole ex in Singapore and no contact, I'm uk based)

So even when you do split and want to taken them on holiday you need a signed letter etc