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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I go home?

65 replies

breatheinskipthegym · 15/12/2016 10:25

I'm currently on a month-long holiday with my husband and 2 DDs (2 & 4) in Melbourne. Over the past couple of years, he's lied, cheated, and generally treated me disgustingly. I'm massively unhappy and have tried to end it a few times, only to be sucked in by false promises and lip service.

He promised me this holiday would really allow him to show me what I mean to him, without all the distractions of daily life. Well, he's certainly shown me that I'm meaningless, the only parent doing any parenting, unimportant and totally ignorable. I'm basically trapped in a rented house trying to entertain 2 DDs as we are not within walking distance of anywhere, he hasn't insured me on the rental car, and has gone out, unannounced, taking the house keys with him. I don't have the words to describe how unhappy I am. The idea of continuing this until early January, when we're due to go home, is intolerable.

If I change our plane tickets and take our children home with me tomorrow, can he do anything? I have visions of him having me arrested at the airport and the children snatched away or something.

For completeness, my 4 year old has autism & is non-verbal, and we are travelling with his grown up son & girlfriend, & a sort-of employee. He booked/paid for the tickets but I know the login details and am a signatory/cardholder on his credit card that was used. Desperate to leave but scared of the repercussions.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/12/2016 14:31

I would just say there lost then!

pklme · 17/12/2016 14:55

Say they've been stolen. They have.

Msqueen33 · 17/12/2016 15:08

Fucking hell what a creep!!!! He's clearly known what he might do. My dd is four and also has autism and holidays are hard with her and her older sibling who also has autism.

Msqueen33 · 17/12/2016 15:08

I'd say they've been stolen or lost.

Itsallabitcrazyhere · 17/12/2016 15:16

Where in Melbourne are you? My sis in law lives out there (dual citizenship) and I'm sure would assist if you needed help. PM me if needs be

Effendi · 17/12/2016 16:09

If you say they are stolen you will need a police report.
Anyway, consent from the other parent is required.

If you’re applying for a child under 16
Contact your nearest British embassy, high commission or consulate if your child is under 16.

You’ll need to attend an appointment with your child. Pay the fee at your appointment.

You must bring:

the child’s completed emergency travel document application form
a recent passport-quality photo
your passport
proof of your travel plans, eg booking confirmations (or detailed written travel plans if you can’t book ahead)
written proof that everyone who has parental responsibility for the child agrees to the application
a photocopy of the passport photo page of everyone who has parental responsibility for the child
a police report if the passport has been stolen
The British embassy, high commission or consulate might ask to see more documents when you get to your appointment.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 17/12/2016 16:09

Presumably the passports are in the car. Any chance you can engineer an opportunity to get into the glove box?
I suppose it would be tricky to get replacements for 'lost' passports without his knowledge. You'd need a crime number for 'stolen' passports. Do you have copies anywhere? If you have evidence of residence it is in theory possible to travel home without a passport. You'd have to convince the airline and I suspect that children would make that impossible :(

Giselaw · 17/12/2016 16:14

It's a rented house and rented car. He can't have taken them elsewhere, so tear the place apart if you need to and tell him your next step is calling the police and reporting them stolen.

Itsallabitcrazyhere · 17/12/2016 16:17

Thinking about it, I was asked by border control when entering Melbourne airport if I had approval from my DS's father. Never fly without a solicitor countersigned letter so was fine. Their father is a waste of space drug addict that I dragged to a solicitor to sign away PR some time ago.

I would call the consul and get some advice

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2016 17:40

I think the passports are either in the car or on his person, but do a systematic search of the house anyway. But keeping an item next to me is what I'd do if I wanted to keep it away from someone. Someone as devious as he is would probably NOT hide them in the house if he had an inkling you might want to leave.

Is there any likelihood that another member of your party would be willing to hide them in their luggage? Are there any locked zippered suitcases? If so, google 'how to open a locked suitcase' and it will show you how to get in then rezip it.

Let itsabit's SiL help you if you need help to get away. Please don't let the fact that you don't know her stop you. Many people have had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get them out of a tight spot.

Do you have family or friends back home who could afford to pay the airfare home rather than trying to rebook?

Call the Consul. They're in the best position to advise you on how to get yourself and the children home.

Mooey89 · 17/12/2016 17:44

Oh god what an absolute shit.

Good luck OP. X

Donthate · 17/12/2016 17:47

Sounds awful. You need to get hold of the passports and get out of there

margaritasbythesea · 17/12/2016 17:49

What do you think he is considering doing op?

Is there any chance he intends to keep the children in Australia?

I'm just wondering if sitting tight and travelling back to the uk all together might be a tactical move here if things have got this serious bearing in mind that I believe the father's rights are much stronger in Australia than here

margaritasbythesea · 17/12/2016 17:50

I'm not trying to minimise the serious nature of the situation by the way. It sounds appalling.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2016 17:54

Just occurred to me. You aren't the poster who's DH was so anxious to emigrate to OZ, you hated the idea, but he kept nagging at you to 'just take an extended vacation there and you'll see', are you?

Manumission · 17/12/2016 17:55

That was one, older, DC and a disabled DH, wasn't it?

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2016 17:56

'whose' not 'who's'!!!

happychristmasbum · 17/12/2016 18:00

Oh Across I remember that poster. We all told her not to do it!

Manumission · 17/12/2016 18:01

Everyone told her not to do it across dozens of threads for about two years (!)

Manumission · 17/12/2016 18:13

(Not that I think this OP is that poster. Unless we're thinking of two separated posters pond? It can all get messy quickly once you cross a border though, can't it?)

MissMargie · 17/12/2016 18:13

This is very weird. Where are the others? Why are you all there? If you are on holiday why are you left in the house? What is everyone else doing whilst you are left at home?
Maybe you should contact the consulate and tell them your story as you are worried that DH might do something extreme (or whatever you think might make them listen to you properly) then if you do get shafted somehow you can go back to them.

Manumission · 17/12/2016 18:13

^separate

Manumission · 17/12/2016 18:18

Have you seen this site OP?

www.reunite.org/contact.asp

Clarity on possibilities and options would help you, I think.

Rachie1986 · 17/12/2016 18:27

Sounds horrible. No advice other than what's here already, but thinking of you x

SquinkiesRule · 17/12/2016 22:30

Keep searching for the passports.
Maybe ask him to go back in the house for something while you are strapping kids into the car, check the glove box.
Sounds lie a bloody miserable time is being had by you and the kids.