Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Threatened by my lovely sons

68 replies

AlanFordsGangsterGlasses · 14/12/2016 21:40

Hello Smile

Can anyone explain why my partner goes berserk at the suggestion of my 13yo son staying with us, or his 18yo big bro. The very suggestion of this tips an otherwise reasonably normal bloke over the edge with much yelling and offers for him to pay for me to leave and get alternative accommodation. So my sons visit, but don't stay over. WTF? Am not scared or sobbing cos have had this off and on for too long now. Just trying to think what the heck - why? There's deffo a bit of passive/aggressive going on here -and he hates any other bloke showing any interest in me whatsoever. But he's a teacher and in that role is great with teens. Oh, he has no kids of his own due to fucked up rel with younger woman who ran off with much younger bloke. Anyone else had similar and know why?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 14/12/2016 22:25

This has to be a wind up

you'd think but it happens. I have a close friend whose mother got a new boyfriend when he was 16. The boyfriend didn't want her children so she left him and his 15 year old brother and headed off to live with the boyfriend. It has had a profound effect on him although he pulled his life around (his brother commited suicide in his 20s).

Pallisers · 14/12/2016 22:26

when I say left I mean she left them alone in her old apartment - no father or other adult figure on the scene to help.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 14/12/2016 22:29

I could move in with dp tomorrow, but I don't because there isn't enough room at his for ds to have a permanent room there (nor at mine for his children).

Why are you shacked up with a man who make it impossible for your sons to live with you? Confused

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 14/12/2016 22:32

Why are you with such a man?

AnyFucker · 14/12/2016 22:34
Hmm
bert3400 · 14/12/2016 22:36

I'm absolutely shocked that you would favour a man over your 2 children, imagine how your boys feel ? . I'm sorry I think this is so unfair on your boys .

seven201 · 14/12/2016 22:38

I'm another one in the wtf are you still with this horrible man. Your sons come first surely!

FizzySweeties · 14/12/2016 22:46

Why are you asking MN instead of your DH? What can MN tell you about your DH?

BlueFolly · 14/12/2016 22:50

Surely it's a reverse?

Salmotrutta · 14/12/2016 22:50

Umm.

I really hope you aren't saying that you have a partner who does not "let" your sons stay overnight?

How long have you lived with this man?

When did you separate from their dad?

What is the contact arrangement with their dad?

???

AbernathysFringe · 14/12/2016 22:50

I wondered if OP is a man too. Still bullcrap. Your relationship with your children comes first, partner second.

FaFoutis · 14/12/2016 22:55

It wouldn't surprise me if it were true. I have seen similar.
Both sexes can prioritise a new partner over their children. Fuck knows why any sort of parent would go along with this shit.

LockedOutOfMN · 14/12/2016 23:06

OP has disappeared.

PickAChew · 14/12/2016 23:17

Given the choice between someone to shag and my own children...

Why are you still with the abusive twat?

Willow2016 · 14/12/2016 23:33

Why is he your partner?

Why isnt he 'someone I used to know until I realised he was an aggressive, possessive, controling, jealous, insecure git'?

EmNetta · 14/12/2016 23:33

You're hardly being "threatened by your lovely sons", I'd say it's your DP who's doing the threatening. LTB soonest.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/12/2016 23:37

Why won't he let them stay? Because he's a selfish, controlling arsehole.

There, you have your answer. Now, what are you going to do about it?

Just remember that a man like this will dump you at a moment's notice for no or very little reason. If you allow him to destroy your relationship with your sons, you will be left with NOTHING when he does. No man, and I do mean NO MAN is worth ruing your relationship with your children. And don't try to tell me they're ok with it. They aren't. And eventually, if you don't do something, they will begin to erase you from their lives.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/12/2016 23:37

*ruining

VoodooPeople · 14/12/2016 23:48

EmNetta

I think the OP means their partner is feeling threatened by the lovely sons. Just been worded rather poorly.

TheSilveryPussycat · 14/12/2016 23:49

Em I thought that - then thought perhaps OP meant her partner felt "threatened" (obv not physically).

If he is, OP, then it's because they represent a threat to his entitlement to you, as he sees it.

Take your life back.

AnyFucker · 15/12/2016 06:47

No further clarification from OP ? Quelle surprise.

Isetan · 15/12/2016 08:53

You're asking the wrong question, It isn't 'why does he do this'? The question you should ask is, 'why the hell do I let him interfere with my relationship with my children'?

You have a choice and right now, you're prioritising this man and his apparent want to control aspects of your relationship with your children.

Stop trying to 'understand' pander him, it won't change his behaviour.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 15/12/2016 09:22

You owe your son's more than this. They should be welcome in your home unconditionally. Your partner is not. He is welcome on the condition he welcomes your sons.

movpov · 15/12/2016 12:32

Agree with all other messages. Doesn't matter what his reasons are. Any man who tries this should be the one out the door. If you prioritise your relationship with him over your sons they will always remember it and you will regret it later on. No man on earth is worth jeopardising this for and any man who ever tried to tell me my son is not welcome would be swiftly out on his ear - no questions asked . Your sons should be able to count on you above all to put them first. Get a grip and get rid of him

IrianOfW · 15/12/2016 12:40

"You owe your son's more than this. They should be welcome in your home unconditionally. Your partner is not. He is welcome on the condition he welcomes your sons."

Yep!

Dump the partner. Keep the sons

Swipe left for the next trending thread