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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

There's an OW. Would you want to know and if so how?

39 replies

Helloyou4 · 14/12/2016 20:33

All in the title...

OP posts:
Softkitty2 · 14/12/2016 20:37

Yes i would want to know. I wouldnt want to bury my head in the sand and pretend its not happening. Also, if he is having sex with both of you, think of your health. Get proof, think whether you can stay and forgive, if not, look into your circumstance (housing, mortgage, money etc) and confront.

Angleshades · 14/12/2016 20:45

Yes I would want to know.

Pickanameanyoldname · 14/12/2016 20:48

Yes I'd want to know.

As to how, well that depends who it is doing the telling, and why.

Everstrong · 14/12/2016 20:52

I would want to know because for me, it would be a deal-breaker.

I'm not sure it would matter who did the telling

Autumnchill · 14/12/2016 20:53

Yes, as above, deal breaker

HappyJanuary · 14/12/2016 20:53

Yes I would want to know, so I could make decisions about my own future based on the facts.

Ideally told in person by someone who genuinely cared, alternatively told in a factual way with proof or I wouldn't believe it.

ITCouldBeWorse · 14/12/2016 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollytheDolly · 14/12/2016 20:53

Yes definitely. As if there was...game over.

GeekyWombat · 14/12/2016 20:55

Two OW threads OP? You seem very invested in what's going on with your friend. I hope she's doing ok Flowers

For what it's worth I would want to know. Although it's kind of academic if your friend already knows.

Cricrichan · 14/12/2016 20:55

Yes. I don't care how I was told.

Cricrichan · 14/12/2016 20:56

*I wouldn't

Gowgirl · 14/12/2016 20:56

I wouldnt

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 14/12/2016 20:57

Yes I would want to know.

Wouldn't care who told me although I would prefer it not to be one of our children as happened to my friend.

Rumtopf · 14/12/2016 21:01

I would want to know.

Joysmum · 14/12/2016 21:12

I'd want to know, I'd like to be told with no emotional language, factually in writing with proof.

SausageSoda · 14/12/2016 22:05

Are you the OW OP? Just curious as to how the fits with your other thread re your 'friend'.

IsNotGold · 14/12/2016 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 14/12/2016 22:23

Ugh. I hate it when people start a thread asking for other's thoughts and feelings without explaining or giving their own.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/12/2016 10:52

Yes I would.
After being one of the last to find out about my cheating ExH, I can tell you, it's horrible.
You have a feeling anyway and you think you are going crazy.
For people not to tell you when they know and could basically, help you, it's hard to deal with.
I felt more betrayed by my friends for not telling me.
Once I knew, a weight was lifted. I wasn't mad. It was him.
Then I was able to make my own informed decision on the rest of mine and DD life!

hellsbellsmelons · 15/12/2016 10:54

I found proof on my own.
But I would much rather have heard it from people who knew.
To kindly let me know what was going on.
There's no easy way of doing it.

I had to tell my DSis about her cheating Ex.
She was grateful I did.
I put it as kindly as possible and we had a good and cry together.
She was soooo much better away from him anyway.
Alcoholic, gambler, cheater! But... charming and handsome.

KatelovesJames · 15/12/2016 11:09

Yes.

I met two of exh's OW 😳

Cheating is a deal breaker

xStefx · 15/12/2016 11:11

Only if theres proof. I have a friend who had an anonymous message saying her partner was cheating but then this person never contacted her again and gave her no further information. It played on her mind for years , she didn't want to dump the father of her 4 kids over 1 message but it ruined their relationship.

The2ndSpartacus · 15/12/2016 11:12

Yes I'd want to know. Don't care who told me or how, but I'd want proof too.

Timeforteaplease · 15/12/2016 11:12

I'd want to know.

Manumission · 15/12/2016 11:15

I'd want to know.

But your relationship to the parties is important to the "how" and even possibly the "if".

Can you fill us in a bit?